Thomas Markle - To think the pain of being ostracised is not understood by those who haven’t experienced it?

[EarthlyAngel]

Reading various news reports of Meghan Markle’s elderly Dad having a stroke and her still not visiting. Some batshit comments of how ‘abusive’ he was to her by talking to the press after she cut him off and that he deserved it.

Having experienced something similar myself (being cut off), I can say it’s been the worse pain that I’ve ever experienced, that someone who is supposed to love you can callously walk off and totally cut you completely out of their life. Not talking about a boyfriend, a close friend or even a husband but a family member such as a parent or an adult child who you have complex emotional bonds to.

The silence is deafening. It’s like they’re dead but you can’t grieve them and you also have to deal with feelings of anger, rejection, worthlessness and profound sadness. IMO it’s something you can never move on from because you’re stuck in a limbo with no closure, hoping that someday they might want to have you in their life again even though you rationally know they don’t deserve to,

I for one can totally understand Thomas Markle speaking out to get a reaction, any reaction. You are desperate to get them to contact you in that situation. You try to fight back so they can’t just erase you and forget about you. He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness. I think he’s been treated abominably from the beginning when he was besieged by photographers while living a quiet life in retirement and people who have not experienced the pain of being cut off have no idea. It’s a punishment which IS actually abusive! The kind of people who do this know it will cause immense pain and distress.

Yes he did a deal with a photographer to get some flattering pictures of himself publicised under his control to improve his image as he didn’t look great when the press descended on him after the engagement but really did he deserve to be tossed like trash in the garbage because of that? It’s not like Meghan herself hasn’t made money from her connections now is it?

He should have 'shut up'' from day one but no he seemed to think he could milk the situation from the beginning. Later one did start to feel a little bit sorry for him though. She has a ghastly family it would seem apart from her mother ?

Very simplistic. The only two cases I know where child cut off parent involve children with deep problems. The parents are lovely.

I agree. Not always the fault of the parent.

If your kids hate you so much they cut you off, you should probably take a long hard look at yourself.

Or head off to gransnet and post about how awful your kids are.

There was another thread recently about worrying children may go no contact in the future with some interesting comments. I went no contact with a parent who later died while I was NC, I still don't regret that decision. I also wouldn't have gotten back in contact had I know they were ill. I also went NC for very good reasons that I'm not sure they were ever willing to admit. I didn't need closure on that relationship, I'd already dealt with that 5 years before. People very rare go NC without reason.

I think there could've been more done to prepare him but surely he has to be held accountable for his actions time and time again. I'm not a MM/PH fan, I don't follow them and don't particularly care what they do/don't do but I do think in light of what's happened since MM was right to go NC. It's possible, like me, MM has come to terms with the ending of the relationship and has already grieved that loss. While it's hard for TM he doesn't seem to accept any responsibility for how this has ended. It'll be very sad if he does end his life without family around a NC child shouldn't be forced or expected to make contact.

OP, your first post doesn’t add up. You talk about him reaching out to the press/what was he supposed to do as he was desperate to make contact. But he’d reached out to the press before she cut contact. It seems like him talking to the press was the reason for her cutting contact. If they’d had an ok relationship before this and then she finds herself in a position where she feels she can’t trust him I don’t blame her for feeling like she can’t have a relationship with him.

if you are in a similar relationship issue I suggest you take a long, hard look at your previous behaviour. I went NC with my mum, kind of, she was told by my brother she needed to apologise for something terrible she had said to us and we needed to have a serious conversation about her behaviour going forward (this latest incident was the last thing in 20 years of similar behaviour)

we never heard from her again even though she knew we were open to talking. So maybe she went NC with us? But she told all her friends we had gone NC with her, that we were terrible cruel children and she had no idea why. But she did know, because we had clearly told her and db had written her an email.

I think she was so unable to function as a normal adult that she convinced herself it was “us” and not her. She wrote me a letter which her solicitor sent after her death saying the only reason I had gone NC was because I was too selfish to bother with an old woman. The sad thing is she was so mentally unwell I think she probably convinced herself of that.

I imagine whoever has gone NC with you will have a very different version of events from you and your inability to hear that will have played a major part in where you are now.

someone who is supposed to love you can callously walk off and totally cut you completely out of their life.

Bollocks to that. Especially in Markle's case where the dad made the first dick move. If you identify with the dad in this case, OP, you're in the wrong. If you love someone don't sell their private information & letters to the gutter press.

The parents are lovely

If that were truly the case, I very much doubt the children would cut off their parents. You only know a small part of that story I suspect. Where did the deep rooted problems come from?

Very simplistic. The only two cases I know where child cut off parent involve children with deep problems. The parents are lovely

my mum’s friends would no doubt have said the same. She called me black and blue to her friends. Part of the emotional abuse. And I’m sure she was lovely to them because she had an indoors personality and an outdoors personality. She was the respected teacher who when I was a kid was beating me black and blue. Then she retired and was the sweet lady who volunteered at the church and was emotionally abusive to me and my brother. But her friends thought she was lovely.

Her family have done nothing but castigate her since she met Prince Harry: I too have been on the receiving end of that type
of behaviour and cut them off.

the royal family dealt with him in a ham fisted way alright, but he comes across as narcissistic and abusive as a father and that’s just going by his public behaviour

I respect her for staying away - this is her experience not yours so how can you judge?

100%. Harry and Megan are the Samantha and Thomas Markle of Harry's family. They just negotiated better deals for selling stories.

"Thomas Markle was definitely in the wrong for what he did but Harry & Meghan were in the wrong for not providing him with more protection from the press."

Harry was in the process of doing that, that's how Thomas was found out to be setting up paid photo opportunities. Thomas had promised interviews about 'inside story' on the workings of the Palace, which is what got him barred from the wedding.

@Beefcurtains79, Thomas saw his daughters wedding as a way to make money and get fame, he was willing to sell her out for that. Both Meghan and Harry tried to reason with him, it's said that Harry pleaded with him. Having that fame was more important than attending his daughter's wedding. He then joined in the criticism of Meghan. He did nothing to answer Samantha's ramblings. It's all very different to Meghan and Harry wanting to tell their side after emigrating.

I know a young woman whose self esteem has been destroyed by her family. I've witnessed the same emotional abuse being directed towards her children. Going NC would help her get self confidence, it would certainly cut her son's anxiety and stop her DD from suffering the same and stuff how the toxic family members feel. All they have to do is stfu and be half decent people. Going NC is usually totally justifiable.

He is reaping what he sowed. Good for her for cutting out that dreadful man. She is no contact with her "father" and no contact is no contact.

'100%. Harry and Megan are the Samantha and Thomas Markle of Harry's family. They just negotiated better deals for selling stories.'

This! The irony is quite amusing.

The Queen is showing the Sussexes how to deal with relatives who sell you out to the media, you rise above it and be the better person.

Huh? Do you normally make stuff up like this?

Same. I am no fan of Harry or Meghan, but the way TM and SM and the brother have behaved is disgraceful. Slagging her off all over the press. TM saying that he will sell a story every day for a month unless she talks to him. The brother telling the press how he wrote a letter to the Royal Family saying hiow much they will regret MM marrying Harry. Her 'family' are utterly toxic.

And no-one other than the people involved ever knows what the ins and outs of any relation ship are like. I have had periods where I have wanted to go low communication with my mother. To outsiders she appears lovely and kind (and yes mostly is) but growing up she was a violent alcoholic who used to beat me up and then weep and wail to her friends telling them what an awful ungrateful child I was and getting them to write me letters (aged about 10) telling me what a disappointment I was and how awful I was. No-one else ever saw that side of her.

Same reaction as they were expecting from that awful Oprah interview.

He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness

H&M are very big on “speaking their truth” so they should have every sympathy for him.

The whole thing was badly handled, initially by Harry and Meghan In not offering support before the wedding. I doubt he knew what was coming with the press but Harry sure as hell did and should have met him and discussed it. To my eyes no one comes out if this well.

Piers, is that you?

Seriously though it really, really makes me cringe when people deign to act as if they know MM and all her (wicked) thought processes. It happens all the time, with people using the same tropes, and I don't think people realise how ridiculous and immature they sound when they do it.

@EarthlyAngel stop projecting your own experiences on a completely different family, and maybe reflect more on why your relatives went NC.

agree that H&M seem to be induging in similar behaviour - talking to the press - but given that is how they make their living, i wonder if we can be surprised at it?

Harry's mother liked to talk to the press on her terms too, didn't she? (although IIRC there was a sting involved there?) So while it does seem hypocritical, having left the Family Business (The Firm) they have to make a living somehow and who they are is what "makes them interesting". It's all rather distasteful but if i stumble on any of the interviews, to be sure i read them! i love a bit of gossip

Jeez. Some people's obsession with hating Meghan is leading to some really delusional thinking. Get over it, OP.

TM behaved disgracefully towards H & M though. Had they stayed in touch he would have just milked it more and more by selling more and more stories.

Had he kept a dignified silence from the outset, he would have a relationship with his daughter and the wider family. He didn't he chose the press money and fifteen minutes of fame over his daughter.

In MMs situation I would have done the same. Gone NC and remained NC. Even when they tried to put the situation right by getting him protection and advice, he threw it back in their face and said he didn't want to be controlled.

He was and likely still is a loose cannon. All you can do with people like that is distance yourself and as it goes, I bet in reality, it broke Meghan's heart.

We've had to go NC with family members. It nearly killed us but they gave us no alternative.

TN is the architect of his own shitty situation.

No one cuts a parent off without having suffered an enormous amount of trauma.

People don't go no contact with a parent without having tried everything they can to repair the damage done.

Parents who have been buy off know why and what they did, even though they will never admit it.

No one does then. You don't know her father either. Therefore going by this, no one should have an opinion on the situation, yet they have all over this thread.