Thomas Markle - To think the pain of being ostracised is not understood by those who haven’t experienced it?

[EarthlyAngel]

Reading various news reports of Meghan Markle’s elderly Dad having a stroke and her still not visiting. Some batshit comments of how ‘abusive’ he was to her by talking to the press after she cut him off and that he deserved it.

Having experienced something similar myself (being cut off), I can say it’s been the worse pain that I’ve ever experienced, that someone who is supposed to love you can callously walk off and totally cut you completely out of their life. Not talking about a boyfriend, a close friend or even a husband but a family member such as a parent or an adult child who you have complex emotional bonds to.

The silence is deafening. It’s like they’re dead but you can’t grieve them and you also have to deal with feelings of anger, rejection, worthlessness and profound sadness. IMO it’s something you can never move on from because you’re stuck in a limbo with no closure, hoping that someday they might want to have you in their life again even though you rationally know they don’t deserve to,

I for one can totally understand Thomas Markle speaking out to get a reaction, any reaction. You are desperate to get them to contact you in that situation. You try to fight back so they can’t just erase you and forget about you. He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness. I think he’s been treated abominably from the beginning when he was besieged by photographers while living a quiet life in retirement and people who have not experienced the pain of being cut off have no idea. It’s a punishment which IS actually abusive! The kind of people who do this know it will cause immense pain and distress.

Yes he did a deal with a photographer to get some flattering pictures of himself publicised under his control to improve his image as he didn’t look great when the press descended on him after the engagement but really did he deserve to be tossed like trash in the garbage because of that? It’s not like Meghan herself hasn’t made money from her connections now is it?

Children are NOT obliged to love or like their parents.

I don't like mine and I don't spend much time with them. I certainly wouldn't hop on a plane to visit one of them after a stroke, but perhaps I'd give them a phone call. That is my choice, and my choice alone.

I'm totally Team Megan here and do not understand the press giving her such a hard time.

Not a fan of the couple - the interviews have been so excruciating. But I think the whole Thomas Markle episode was badly handled. Before the engagement was announced they should have gone over there (am I right that Harry has never met Thomas Markle) and spoken to him, told him what it would be like, to refrain from talking to the press etc. From what I have read - Meghan was supporting her father financially. If the the royal family needed to throw money at the situation - then so be it, it's the price of silence.

I don't blame her for feeling embarrassed and betrayed by his behaviour. He has said some unpleasant things but it's interesting that someone up thread compared their taking to Oprah about the family to Thomas Markle and it's true. Just because it's good lighting on prime time doesn't make it any less than a paid grubby piece in a tabloid.

Does anyone really think MMs family is more embarrassing than Harry's??? 😅

I'm sure the Megan situation was poorly managed- clearly the fall out has been huge, people must have been poorly prepared for all the ramifications. There was no way she could have understood what she was getting into, let alone her family.

However @EarthlyAngel there is one thing more lonely and isolating than being cut off, and that's living alongside someone who you gradually realise doesn't actually care about you, listen to you, or respect you.

Maintaining a relationship with a dysfunctional family is soul destroying. I'm doing it. I'm going through the motions of keeping everyone happy. However there's no real appreciation of how painful it is to manage the situation.
When you feel as though every interaction you have is just bolstering the other person's desire to be perceived as 'being a close family' while there's no actual emotional closeness happening... that's isolating.

Well that was very self indulgent and lacking in insight, presumably two of the many reasons that you have been cut off OP.

I mean, if my dad kept selling me out and doing interviews for money, I would struggle with that too.

We saw the text messages after the wedding fitting drama - Meghan didn’t cut him out. Meghan and Harry pleaded with him to not talk to the press and said they would deal with it. But he ignored them, and carried on. And then carried on and on and on.

I wonder how many of these interviews were desperation out of being a loving dad who was on the receiving end of going NC, or the actions of someone desperate for money, surrounded by similar people, and the ruthless press exploiting that.

His actions were disgraceful. I’m not sure how anyone can defend that.

And OP, by choosing to be selective about what TM did (and bearing in mind this is what we have seen him so publicly, who know what else has happened), then I suspect you may be being selective about why someone has gone NC with you.

I have no opinion on the particular scenario but I can't see that talking to the press about the situation would do anything to help heal any wounds.

Piers Morgan has arrived on the thread.

Does anyone really think MMs family is more embarrassing than Harry's???

Well no Markle has had to pay out £12 million in hush money to anyone, so not quite.

But why is it abusive of Thomas to speak to the press and air his dirty laundry, but fine for Megan and Harry to do so?

See, there's nothing in your post, OP, about the person you've lost.

Not a passing worry about if they are ok, what could have happened to them, what they were going through that led to this...

Nothing about what you could have done differently.

Nothing about their pain at feeling this was their only option.

Nothing about how much you miss them and wonder what they are up to.

It’s the course of behaviour.

One interview compared with several isn’t the same.

This. It seems that he has not been a proper father for years and uses everything he can to attack his own daughter. I do not understand the level of vitriol towards MM.

I had to read this twice to see if it was my mother writing it but I doubt it. No one cuts anyone out of their life without good reason.

He is 100% the architect of his own misfortune and I feel sorry for Meghan having to deal with him and her toxic half-siblings.

@EarthlyAngel Family relationships can be complex and I dont think it is fair to judge people who cease contact with their family members because you dont know all the relevant facts as to why this happened.
I think Meghan Markle has issues and difficulties that she hasn't handled well eg: doing Oprah interview(her actions will have caused great pain to her family and Harrys family) . I think Thomas Markle has issues and difficulties that he has been ill advised and ill equipped to deal with and his actions caused his daughter great pain.
Seems a toxic family dynamic that has been made more toxic by the public way it has been discussed by both parties.
If a family member cuts you off,there will be reasons ,reasons that are probably long standing and complex. There has clearly been a repudiation of trust on Bothe sides.
If a family member doesn't understand your silence they probably wouldn't understand your words.....and there in lies the problem.
Sometimes there is too much to repair.
I hope they can forgive each other their failings even if they can't reconcile.

Sometimes the family member has behaved in such an appalling way and caused so much upset that people get weary of the drama and manipulation. In order to protect themselves from further emotional abuse it’s appropriate to minimise contact and gradually withdraw from that person.

None of us know the truth, just what is printed in the press. If you believe everything you read in the Daily Mail and Co., that's very worrying.

I don't understand the constant witch-hunt for Meghan and comments from people as if they know her personally. Bizarre.

Well if you have nothing else in your life then yes it will feel tragic for you but surely there are other family, friends etc. Work, hobbies etc

Disagree.

Cutting off one or several family members is not something you do lightly. The majority of people who do this will have perfectly valid reasons, usually because of repeated abuse and/or the person's unwillingness to acknowledge they have done something wrong and inability to change their behaviour.

Being related to someone does not mean you will automatically love them or that you should have them in your life. Just like we encourage people to leave an abusive/toxic friend or partner, the same thin should apply to family members. You should not put up with someone's dodgy behaviour simply because they happen to be a family member

You know nothing about the Markle's family dynamic in this case and why she made the choice not to have contact with him. That is her business as far as I am concerned.

I

YABU. My mum cut me off, seemingly out of the blue, and it was utterly dreadful, but I respect her choice and moved on with my life. Maybe we we will reconcile eventually, and maybe we won't, but I'm not going to harass her or badmouth her in public, mostly because that would be a fairly shitty thing to do, but also because it would make any possible reconciliation a lot harder. I have people in my life who love me and want to spend time with me and she has people who do the same for her, and maybe that's what's best for both of us. I don't think MM has any obligation to visit her father.

I wouldn't poke him with a barge pole, Father or Dsis.

Now her brother is selling his story for attention.

They betrayed her big time selling stories to tatty newspapers.

Meghan is a horrible women imo
But the applle didnt fall far from the tree...

It's a shame the OP linked the issue of estrangement to the Markles because without that it could have been an interesting thread .

FWIW I think the Markle dad , half sister half brother should quit these constant media interviews . It smells bad of making money from her fame. Genuine attempts at reconciliation should be done in private .
I'm no Markle fan but the public family fallout is embarrassing.

DH was NC with his parents. I'm sure they were devastated, but bugger me, he'd have had a much better life if he'd done it much earlier rather than trying to keep them happy "because they're my parents" for decades.

DH did a lot of soul searching over the whole thing. They might have remained in contact with their son if they'd done the same.