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Thomas Markle - To think the pain of being ostracised is not understood by those who haven’t experienced it?

274 replies

EarthlyAngel · 31/05/2022 01:27

Reading various news reports of Meghan Markle’s elderly Dad having a stroke and her still not visiting. Some batshit comments of how ‘abusive’ he was to her by talking to the press after she cut him off and that he deserved it.

Having experienced something similar myself (being cut off), I can say it’s been the worse pain that I’ve ever experienced, that someone who is supposed to love you can callously walk off and totally cut you completely out of their life. Not talking about a boyfriend, a close friend or even a husband but a family member such as a parent or an adult child who you have complex emotional bonds to.

The silence is deafening. It’s like they’re dead but you can’t grieve them and you also have to deal with feelings of anger, rejection, worthlessness and profound sadness. IMO it’s something you can never move on from because you’re stuck in a limbo with no closure, hoping that someday they might want to have you in their life again even though you rationally know they don’t deserve to,

I for one can totally understand Thomas Markle speaking out to get a reaction, any reaction. You are desperate to get them to contact you in that situation. You try to fight back so they can’t just erase you and forget about you. He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness. I think he’s been treated abominably from the beginning when he was besieged by photographers while living a quiet life in retirement and people who have not experienced the pain of being cut off have no idea. It’s a punishment which IS actually abusive! The kind of people who do this know it will cause immense pain and distress.

Yes he did a deal with a photographer to get some flattering pictures of himself publicised under his control to improve his image as he didn’t look great when the press descended on him after the engagement but really did he deserve to be tossed like trash in the garbage because of that? It’s not like Meghan herself hasn’t made money from her connections now is it?

OP posts:
Rosebel · 31/05/2022 05:30

I don't think he was actually abusive but he was a complete idiot. I have some suspicion that he might not have realised what getting involved with the Royal Family really meant ie keep your mouth shut and don't slag your daughter and her in laws off.
I also suspect it wasn't Megan who decided not to invite him to the wedding (because I certainly don't think he was ill).
Having said that he still made a mess of things and should just leave her alone. Megan has done a lot of things wrong but on this issue think she was totally right to cut her dad out.

JuneOsborne · 31/05/2022 05:37

But, he behaved terribly. Behave terribly, pay the consequences.

nomistake · 31/05/2022 05:43

You're projecting. You have no idea what has happened between them.

Rosehugger · 31/05/2022 05:48

We don't know what the story is. The flipside of your comment is "Imagine how a parent must have behaved to make a child completely ostracise them."

mnnewbie111 · 31/05/2022 05:52

People pretending to know exactly what's happened and therefore make a judgement do make me laugh. No one knows who did what so save your opinions for someone who's life affects you!

LivingOnTheRoad · 31/05/2022 05:53

Lol. What a load of bollocks. People don’t cut others out of their lives without reason.

Before I cut my parents off I saw a therapist who told me that actually, what they often see, is people trying to desperately keep relationships, to keep some sort of contact, even in some terrible cases of abuse. It was certainly true in my case and many others I know. Meghan has her reasons and I don’t feel in the slightest bit sorry for her father no matter how much he whinges now. Age and illness certainly make no difference. If you don’t want to be cut off, then behave better.

KyaClark · 31/05/2022 05:55

I'm so sick of this being used as another stick to beat her with.

Darbs76 · 31/05/2022 06:01

Thomas Markle was definitely in the wrong for what he did but Harry & Meghan were in the wrong for not providing him with more protection from the press. I do think he should have just zipped it after that and perhaps their relationship could have been mended. I doubt Meghan will reach out, knowing it will all be in the press if she does. Bit like them revealing things to the press about the other royals really!

WeAreTheHeroes · 31/05/2022 06:01

Me too - she's being subjected to a witch hunt time and again. I think all of this shows she was right to withdraw from the life of a working royal.

TidyDancer · 31/05/2022 06:07

I think these situations are rarely black and white. There will certainly be some scenarios where the person going NC will be the unreasonable one and the wronged party will be the person left behind.

I do feel sad for TM, I think he's handled things really badly and his older daughter certainly hasn't helped. I'm not seeing any evidence he was abusive and it does seem that he and MM had a close relationship for many years right up until the wedding. What the complexities of that relationship are/were I'm not sure any of us can know.

But I do agree with your basic premise OP. Unless someone has been on the receiving end of NC, it's difficult for them to appreciate how painful it is. Of course it can be painful for someone to go NC too, but to assume there's a clear right and wrong party would be naive.

Margotshypotheticaldog · 31/05/2022 06:08

I don't think anyone is entitled to a relationship with another person, regardless of the family connection. Relationships need to be mutually respectful and in no way built on feelings of obligation from either side.

Beefcurtains79 · 31/05/2022 06:09

G0forit · 31/05/2022 01:55

The problem with using the press to air your grievances is that it turns into a hugely distorted spectacle. It also makes the initiator look greedy and vengeful. It’s their private family business and it doesn’t belong on the cover of newspapers or magazines.

Yet that is exactly what Megan and Harry went on to do. The double standards are hard to ignore.

TidyDancer · 31/05/2022 06:10

Darbs76 · 31/05/2022 06:01

Thomas Markle was definitely in the wrong for what he did but Harry & Meghan were in the wrong for not providing him with more protection from the press. I do think he should have just zipped it after that and perhaps their relationship could have been mended. I doubt Meghan will reach out, knowing it will all be in the press if she does. Bit like them revealing things to the press about the other royals really!

Yeah I broadly agree with this tbh.

TM's behaviour wasn't great but not heinous. H and M hardly covered themselves in glory though. Arguably their behaviour since with the interviews and snide comments has been worse than anything TM did leading up to the wedding.

Fairisleflora · 31/05/2022 06:11

I read very little about Megan Markle cause I don’t know her so what happens in her life is totally irrelevant to me, but she seems right to get her toxic, grabby family out of her life. I suggest you stop reading about them too. I very much doubt that what appears in the press is accurate.

FrecklesMalone · 31/05/2022 06:13

As a rule people want their parents to like them. It's a very innate survival technique and goes deep into our psyche. It's why people with abusive/neglectful/damaging parents in the main stay in contact.
It takes a lot to break that. Sometimes adults can be rubbish at keeping in touch, especially in their 20s and may not be close but to break contact deliberately is rarely done lightly.
From all we have been told about her father, MM has made a rational sensible decision. Anyone not seeing that has either been lucky enough to not experience a shit parent or so conditioned by the press that everything she does is wrong.

LaBellina · 31/05/2022 06:19

There are two sides to every story. If I was famous and the press was interested in my story my mother could also get her version of the story of why I went NC with her printed, that doesn’t make it true and the fact that Meghan never publicly told the whole story from her side doesn’t mean that there isn’t one. Not a fan of Meghan by any means but I completely support her in her decision to not tell her story about this messy relationship to the public and Thomas Markle lost all my sympathy when he tried to blackmail her into contacting him by threatening to leak more stories to the press. That’s not the behavior of a loving parent.

Aussiegirl123456 · 31/05/2022 06:24

Toxic people or people who overstep boundaries definitely deserve to be cut out of someone’s life. Even if family. He overstepped boundaries and I know in a heartbeat that a) I would never ever do what he did to my own children and b) if I was Meghan, I would have done exactly the same.

I actually really admire her dignified silence.

He (and you) are definitely allowed to feel sad, grieve, be angry or whatever, but his own actions caused this.

And yes, I’ve been there. I’ve cut off family members. I did the right thing. They reach out sometimes and play the victim or tell anyone and everyone that I cut them out for no good reason or because they weren’t good enough for me anymore. Simply untrue. They were cut out for toxic behaviour. I even gave each and everyone of them a prior warning that it would happen if their behaviour was to continue in that pattern, yet they continued. Byeeee

DolphinaPD · 31/05/2022 06:26

TedMullins · 31/05/2022 01:34

People don’t usually cut off their parents for no reason. Yes, he’s allowed to be sad, but the best thing he can do is some self reflection as to why Meghan felt the need to cut him off. Just because people are related doesn’t mean they owe family members a relationship if they feel they’re a toxic presence in their life.

She drops anyone who is no longer of use to her.

FridayiminlovewithRobertSmith · 31/05/2022 06:32

🙄 No I don’t agree with you.

Miffee · 31/05/2022 06:33

Going NC isn't always a considered response made after much soul searching as an injured party. I know this because I went NC (at a time when "NC" wasn't a phrase you heard) with a large swathe of my family. I did it to protect myself at the time, it was quite impulsive. Few of the people I cut off had done anything to warrant it. I wasn't vindictive and while I can't say I regret it entirely I do wish I had handled things differently.

That said nobody on this thread has the slightest idea why those people behave in the way they do and speculating to make one of them the bad guy is just pathetic.

Swayingpalmtrees · 31/05/2022 06:33

I agree it is hard to be cut off, very hard.

I do not think Thomas Markle did anything at all or very little in order to be cut off, I think he was just an embarrassment to Meghan, and didn't fit into her new royal life. He made a clumsy mistake with the newspapers, and it was the perfect excuse to cut him adrift.

Far from having deep wounding reasons for her silence, I think it was a calculated decision on Meghan's part. He became a liability to her and the RF.

He isn't a well man, so I hope she can comfortably live with her decision.

Portiasparty · 31/05/2022 06:33

TedMullins · 31/05/2022 01:34

People don’t usually cut off their parents for no reason. Yes, he’s allowed to be sad, but the best thing he can do is some self reflection as to why Meghan felt the need to cut him off. Just because people are related doesn’t mean they owe family members a relationship if they feel they’re a toxic presence in their life.

This x 1,000,000.

When is the Meghan bashing going to stop. It's horrendous.

OP stop reading the Mirror and the Daily Mail and get a life.

TheKeatingFive · 31/05/2022 06:35

She drops anyone who is no longer of use to her.

🙄

Youve never met her. You don't know anything about her bar what you've read in the tabloids, who are invested in stirring up shit about her.

maddy68 · 31/05/2022 06:35

He has to own his own behaviour. Only he is responsible for it

DolphinaPD · 31/05/2022 06:35

LaBellina · 31/05/2022 06:19

There are two sides to every story. If I was famous and the press was interested in my story my mother could also get her version of the story of why I went NC with her printed, that doesn’t make it true and the fact that Meghan never publicly told the whole story from her side doesn’t mean that there isn’t one. Not a fan of Meghan by any means but I completely support her in her decision to not tell her story about this messy relationship to the public and Thomas Markle lost all my sympathy when he tried to blackmail her into contacting him by threatening to leak more stories to the press. That’s not the behavior of a loving parent.

If her side of the story painted her in a good light or was of benefit to her, we'd have heard it.

If he was 'abusive' for speaking to the press, what does that make her and harry? They've behaved abominably.