Thomas Markle - To think the pain of being ostracised is not understood by those who haven’t experienced it?

[EarthlyAngel]

Reading various news reports of Meghan Markle’s elderly Dad having a stroke and her still not visiting. Some batshit comments of how ‘abusive’ he was to her by talking to the press after she cut him off and that he deserved it.

Having experienced something similar myself (being cut off), I can say it’s been the worse pain that I’ve ever experienced, that someone who is supposed to love you can callously walk off and totally cut you completely out of their life. Not talking about a boyfriend, a close friend or even a husband but a family member such as a parent or an adult child who you have complex emotional bonds to.

The silence is deafening. It’s like they’re dead but you can’t grieve them and you also have to deal with feelings of anger, rejection, worthlessness and profound sadness. IMO it’s something you can never move on from because you’re stuck in a limbo with no closure, hoping that someday they might want to have you in their life again even though you rationally know they don’t deserve to,

I for one can totally understand Thomas Markle speaking out to get a reaction, any reaction. You are desperate to get them to contact you in that situation. You try to fight back so they can’t just erase you and forget about you. He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness. I think he’s been treated abominably from the beginning when he was besieged by photographers while living a quiet life in retirement and people who have not experienced the pain of being cut off have no idea. It’s a punishment which IS actually abusive! The kind of people who do this know it will cause immense pain and distress.

Yes he did a deal with a photographer to get some flattering pictures of himself publicised under his control to improve his image as he didn’t look great when the press descended on him after the engagement but really did he deserve to be tossed like trash in the garbage because of that? It’s not like Meghan herself hasn’t made money from her connections now is it?

I agree with your sentiment, but not when it comes to Thomas Markle. He is a dreadful man. And Meghan's half sister and half brother (Samantha and Thomas Junior) are as ghastly as him. Selling stories on her, and trying to cash in on her fame. They can't come up with a SINGLE photo of themselves with her from the last 20 years. They have no relationship with her. It's not hard to see why she has ghosted them. SO YABU.

No normal loving parent would. The fact that you are able to justify this disgraceful behaviour speaks volumes.

You can equally say "no normal loving daughter would" no matter what. You don't know till it happens to you. We only know what we're told. I don't believe everything I read.

No where near it. Nowhere even remotely near it. They have not done anywhere near the amount of interviews for a start. And most of the interviews they do are not even about the RF. All of TM's interviews are about his daughter. Nor did they threaten harass and stalk the RF.

They are no where remotely anywhere alike and you cannot compare them.

Didn't Fergie get lots of hatred too.

@Leopolds Don't be silly. There's almost none at all. Most of the headlines Oprah used were made up.

No one has ever said they're 'made up'. It's been said they were AMERICAN headlines, and they were. ACTUAL American headlines. They weren't made up. They were just American headlines, not British press.

I haven't defended racism. I've said there wasn't any.

Yet there clearly WAS. Plenty, remember the monkey on the face of Archie? And there were plenty of other ones. So why you need to blatantly lie, and deny what even her haters admit happened, says so much about you that you do indeed know there was racism (no one except you has ever, EVER denied it), and you are thus supportive of racism. Only a racist lies about racism.

Most people don't think she suffered much from racism in the mainstream media because she didn't. Most people who disliked her, myself included, did so not because she was very slightly less than white but because she's absolutely insufferable, preachy, narcissistic and self pitying. She's also less that entirely truthful and a bit of a bully by all accounts.

Again, you are outright lying. Most people DO say she suffered from racism in the mainstream media, I haven't even met a hater on this site who until you, denies they experienced racism by the mainstream media. The issue was whether it warranted her doing the OW interview.

@TarasHarp55 Fergie and her daughters weren't racially abused.

Really, do we have to reach to this level of whataboutery?

No but she got lots of hatred. Mainly because she wasn't liked.

'They are no where remotely anywhere alike and you cannot compare them'

Publicy slagging off your family is 'alike', telling lies that Daddy had cut off Harry financially when he'd sent him off with a few million is 'alike'. Playing the victim, breaching privacy and confidentiality is all so very very alike.

Doesn't matter if it is one book, 2 books or 50, ditto re interviews who cares of its Oprah or itv. TM and The Sussexes gave both acted exactly the same. The only difference is TM got cut off for doing so while Harry is still exploiting his royal platform and showing not one bit of self awareness if he attends any jubilee event. Fine have a cup of tea with granny in private but please don't be pretending he hasn't stabbed them all in the back by being cheesy smiles at public events to appease his US sponsors.

'Really, do we have to reach to this level of whataboutery?'

Whataboutery aka inconvenient and relevant truths.

Princess Diana had as I understand it cut off almost all contact from her stepmother. Yet there was far less comment than the Duchess of Sussex's issues with her father.

I go out of my way not to read about people like this but I think it’s pretty clear cut that he sold a private letter sent to him by his dd. There is no justification for that. He’s the parent and his daughter’s feelings should matter to him. He only cares about himself and getting his own way.

The problem when family relationships are discussed on Mumsnet is that there is an awful lot of projection.
There are a lot of different reasons why adult children and their parents become estranged.
Sometimes the parents really have been abusive and aren't willing to listen/change.
Some children are alienated from one parent by the other following divorce.
Some children find living with their parent's mental health issues too much, some children blame their parents (fairly or unfairly) for their own mental health issues.
Some children expect perfection from their parent and have no empathy for their struggles.
Some SIL/DILs are very possessive. Some MILs are very possessive too.
These are just a few reasons.
It is true that estrangement can cause real anguish to the parent. It is not always a last resort which is done with pain.
Words like NEVER and ALWAYS aren't helpful, because we don't know other people's situations.
We don't know whether Thomas Markle was abusive to Meghan when she was growing up, he certainly hasn't helped himself with the way he has handled the fall out, criticising her publicly etc.
Harry seems to have fallen prey to the type of therapist who goes in for parent blaming and advocates estrangement.
The royal family have handled things much better than TM . You don't need lots of advisors to know Thomas Markle hasn't been wise.
I like some things about Harry and Meghan but they are very contradictory-saying they want privacy but blabbing to the media.

Harry and Meghan never said they 'wanted privacy'. This is something a lot of people bring up, where they got it from nobody knows. What they did say, is they want control of their narrative, which they didn't have living in Britain.

A small point, I know, but does anyone know where the "157 interviews" by Thomas Markle came from? I don't pretend to have kept count, but it seems very specific and keeps on and ON being repeated

For that matter, how was the "ONE interview" that H&M supposedly did arrived at? Did I imagine the Tom Bradby interviews in South Africa ...?

He's said to have done over 150 interviews, so it was a rough number to make a point.

I didn't realise she discussed Thomas Markle in South Africa?

I didn't realise she discussed Thomas Markle in South Africa?

I'm pretty sure she didn't - come to that I don't think she mentioned him with Oprah either - but it was the "only ONE interview" I was querying

'didn't realise she discussed Thomas Markle in South Africa'

Why do you keep doing this. She may not have said anything about TM but they have said plenty, all highly critical, about his family. As a pp said they are the TM and Samantha of the royal family.

Why do you keep falsely linking them to TM and Samantha?

They gave one interview about his family and their grievances. That's it.

Compared to the hundred or so TM and Samantha and brother gave. They are not remotely comparable. So just stop it.

Interestingly, the only people I know who think MM was out of order to cut off her dad after his shitty behaviour are either people like my mother (who is toxic in her own way and I’ve temporarily removed her from my life several times over the years) or people who have perfectly lovely parents and who can’t get their heads round why and how someone could stop having anything to do with their own family.

The people who have family members who behave like dicks totally get it, in my experience.

You should get (more?) therapy for yourself instead of projecting your own situation on people you don’t know.

You have no idea what any of them are really like and convincing yourself you do isn’t healthy.

Thank goodness we have @TalkingCat to tell us all what we should think. Good job there is someone here who knows absolutely everything about the situation and is keen to share all of knowledge that so unstintingly with us all.

or people who have perfectly lovely parents and who can’t get their heads round why and how someone could stop having anything to do with their own family

You do know there are people in this world who only want people in their lives that are of use to them? Once that use is done with they're cast aside? Maybe you don't know anyone like that but that doesn't mean there aren't any.

Only read 4 pages, but am interested to know, of the people who have made the choice to go NC, did you explain why? Whether that be a conversation, in a letter or an email or even a text?
I am reading a lot of responses claiming the parent who has been cut off obviously knows why, needs to examine their previous behaviour etc, but also comments claiming they would never admit or accept the damage they have caused and if asked, would deny any understanding of why they had been cut off.

So this leaves me confused as to whether the person who goes NC actually explains, not for an answer, or for their truth to be accepted, but just to make sense of it or are you so sure they are aware of their bad behaviour that you feel they dont deserve an explanation?