Thomas Markle - To think the pain of being ostracised is not understood by those who haven’t experienced it?

[EarthlyAngel]

Reading various news reports of Meghan Markle’s elderly Dad having a stroke and her still not visiting. Some batshit comments of how ‘abusive’ he was to her by talking to the press after she cut him off and that he deserved it.

Having experienced something similar myself (being cut off), I can say it’s been the worse pain that I’ve ever experienced, that someone who is supposed to love you can callously walk off and totally cut you completely out of their life. Not talking about a boyfriend, a close friend or even a husband but a family member such as a parent or an adult child who you have complex emotional bonds to.

The silence is deafening. It’s like they’re dead but you can’t grieve them and you also have to deal with feelings of anger, rejection, worthlessness and profound sadness. IMO it’s something you can never move on from because you’re stuck in a limbo with no closure, hoping that someday they might want to have you in their life again even though you rationally know they don’t deserve to,

I for one can totally understand Thomas Markle speaking out to get a reaction, any reaction. You are desperate to get them to contact you in that situation. You try to fight back so they can’t just erase you and forget about you. He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness. I think he’s been treated abominably from the beginning when he was besieged by photographers while living a quiet life in retirement and people who have not experienced the pain of being cut off have no idea. It’s a punishment which IS actually abusive! The kind of people who do this know it will cause immense pain and distress.

Yes he did a deal with a photographer to get some flattering pictures of himself publicised under his control to improve his image as he didn’t look great when the press descended on him after the engagement but really did he deserve to be tossed like trash in the garbage because of that? It’s not like Meghan herself hasn’t made money from her connections now is it?

This is the fourth thread I've seen in the past few weeks, defending Thomas Markle and talking about how wonderful he is.

Extremely strange that Thomas Markle has so many devoted fans on Mumsnet, does the average person even know who he is?

I explained why. (Even though it was already blindingly obvious) I have heard that they are still telling people that they don't know why, that I'm delusional, attention seeking, trying to hurt them.

As something who has cut off their parents I have to say this seems very one sided. I can well understand how awful it must be to be cut off, but often there is a very good reason - for me there definitely was.

I often wonder if the people who cut off their parents (obviously some parents are so horrendous they need cutting off) but the ones who cut off parents for relatively minor things, would be able to hold up well to THEIR children's scrutiny years from now.

Heaven help them if they weren't perfect.

You must be reading a different thread to me. 95% of the posts are in support of the adult child who is NC.

People don't cut their parents off for minor things. They just don't give nosey judgey people all the details.

All of Thomas Markle's children and adult grandchildren have gone NC with him.

Clearly the issue is not with Meghan.

They do all seem very reactive and combative, albeit to varying degrees. I wouldn’t particularly choose any of them as relatives.

19:29

People don't cut their parents off for minor things. They just don't give nosey judgey people all the details.

They do, my sister did.
Some of the threads on gransnet are about grown up kids who cut off their parents for things like the parents refusing childcare or won't give them money. Some kids are just spoilt and nasty.

My parents and brothers tell people I'm spoilt and nasty. They miss out the bits about the neglect, the physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.

@MelonsMelonsMelons and then Meghan and Harry did the same on Oprah regarding the royal family! Harry is supposedly to do a tell all!

yep..exactly

My parents and brothers tell people I'm spoilt and nasty. They miss out the bits about the neglect, the physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

Fortunately none of that happened to my sister. She named the things she was mad at our parents for. One of them being our dad didn't earn as much money as her friends dads. Another was she had to share a bedroom with a sibling.

His bitterness is eating him up and he should not have sold stories about his daughter regardless of the situation and his other daughter, Megan's half sister also very nasty and always selling stories. I do not feel any sympathy for him at all as Meghan did not cut him off for no reason. He should have kept his mouth shut for his five mins of fame and money.

Meghan's dad, step sister and step brother are awful - no wonder she cut them off. I very much doubt Meghan had much to do with her siblings growing up as they're 15 and 17 years older than her but that hasn't stopped them thinking she owes them something (money probably). I'm sure she'd still be in touch if they didn't sell stories and court attention.

@Junipercrumble I did try to explain but my words were shouted down as has been the habit for a very long time. I was not allowed to have opinions or views. I was just to do as I was told. I did everything to help but got no help back. One day the straw that broke the camel's back landed on me and I gave up completely.

I am no fan of Megan and think she is a manipulative, self promoting grifter who has behaved appallingly towards the Queen. However her father seems toxic and as others have said people do not just cut off parents for no reason. I’m willing to believe she had good reason to do so.

The apple didn't fall far from the tree then?

What is "relatively minor" in your book?

My dad wasn't abusive, for example. He just wasn't present, and was uninterested in parenting. I saw him once a month after my parents divorced. Even as a child, I knew I didn't love him. He felt like a stranger. His occasional presence added nothing to my life, so I just stopped seeing him. He didn't kick up a fuss about it so clearly he wasn't bothered in the slightest anyway.

It's not just me, either. He fathered a few more kids after me and most of them don't see him either.

He seems an arsehole, unwell or not.

Decent parents who 'love' their children don't go about slagging them off and ostracising them from the public which is what he and his side of the family have tried to do to Meghan. They knew large factions of the British public would be (consciously or subconsciously) racist and they knew that as a white family talking shit about her that this would make her seem even worse.

To the people who explained or attempted to explain why they felt they had to go NC, I am sorry you had to go through what you have been through.
I wish you all find the peace you deserve.
💐

What is "relatively minor" in your book?
Never having much money, couldn't afford holidays, dad suffering with depression, apparently he should have "snapped out of it", our mum should have gone out to work like other mums etc etc.

She had my mum minding her children for years, no problem with any of that then. As soon as she didn't need her she decided not to bother with them anymore and she aired all those grievances as reason. Please don't imply she suffered in any way different to any of us. She didn't. We were just poor.

Personally I think they're all as bad as each other. I don't know any of them so I refuse to take sides. None of our business. Some people are over invested.

that someone who is supposed to love you can callously walk off

Supposed?

Do you think love is owed?

A quote from the 1880's, George McDonald, a peer of the 19C greats: "It is the parents who demand most who have done least to earn it".

Another quote: "Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth."

You gave birth to your children, you loved and brought them up and cared for them. But you cannot demand anything. They are not supposed to do anything and if y ou think they are, you are trying to imprison them. You can only love, and hope, and set them free. (Im struggling with the setting free myself, but it's something that has to be done).