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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thomas Markle - To think the pain of being ostracised is not understood by those who haven’t experienced it?

274 replies

EarthlyAngel · 31/05/2022 01:27

Reading various news reports of Meghan Markle’s elderly Dad having a stroke and her still not visiting. Some batshit comments of how ‘abusive’ he was to her by talking to the press after she cut him off and that he deserved it.

Having experienced something similar myself (being cut off), I can say it’s been the worse pain that I’ve ever experienced, that someone who is supposed to love you can callously walk off and totally cut you completely out of their life. Not talking about a boyfriend, a close friend or even a husband but a family member such as a parent or an adult child who you have complex emotional bonds to.

The silence is deafening. It’s like they’re dead but you can’t grieve them and you also have to deal with feelings of anger, rejection, worthlessness and profound sadness. IMO it’s something you can never move on from because you’re stuck in a limbo with no closure, hoping that someday they might want to have you in their life again even though you rationally know they don’t deserve to,

I for one can totally understand Thomas Markle speaking out to get a reaction, any reaction. You are desperate to get them to contact you in that situation. You try to fight back so they can’t just erase you and forget about you. He had a right to voice his truth and his sadness. I think he’s been treated abominably from the beginning when he was besieged by photographers while living a quiet life in retirement and people who have not experienced the pain of being cut off have no idea. It’s a punishment which IS actually abusive! The kind of people who do this know it will cause immense pain and distress.

Yes he did a deal with a photographer to get some flattering pictures of himself publicised under his control to improve his image as he didn’t look great when the press descended on him after the engagement but really did he deserve to be tossed like trash in the garbage because of that? It’s not like Meghan herself hasn’t made money from her connections now is it?

OP posts:
Sugarplumfairy65 · 31/05/2022 01:28

What a load of bollocks!

Original poster
EarthlyAngel · 31/05/2022 01:32

Please expand @Sugarplumfairy65 ?

OP posts:
TedMullins · 31/05/2022 01:34

People don’t usually cut off their parents for no reason. Yes, he’s allowed to be sad, but the best thing he can do is some self reflection as to why Meghan felt the need to cut him off. Just because people are related doesn’t mean they owe family members a relationship if they feel they’re a toxic presence in their life.

FlibbertyGiblets · 31/05/2022 01:34

Okay are you being totally honest about why your relative decided to cut you out? They drew their boundary and you overstepped it by persisting with contact - fighting back, if you will.

Maybe Mr Markle overstepped boundaries drawn by this daughter, thus a cleave was executed?

MelonsMelonsMelons · 31/05/2022 01:40

What kind of reaction was he expecting from criticising her and her husband in interviews? A cosy and warm reconciliation?

CallMeMabel · 31/05/2022 01:41

He doesn't have a right to harass his daughter and neither do you. You have no idea about what happened or who these people are.
What exactly did you do that pushed a family member to go no contact and did you pursue them against their wishes?

LisaSimpson1984 · 31/05/2022 01:45

I dunno. I don’t know much about the Markles (boring) but it’s a bit simplistic to always assume that the one who goes NC is always in the right.

i have a sister in law who has done this to my in laws. I’m a fairly objective bystander (I have no particular beef with either party) but my sister in law is ridiculous.

G0forit · 31/05/2022 01:55

The problem with using the press to air your grievances is that it turns into a hugely distorted spectacle. It also makes the initiator look greedy and vengeful. It’s their private family business and it doesn’t belong on the cover of newspapers or magazines.

SD1978 · 31/05/2022 01:55

Sorry- but agree with the PP load of bollocks. This isn't a caring dad who suddenly got sidelined- it's a man who doesn't sound like he was much of a father, who had also repeatedly gone for his own 5 minutes of fame, with no consideration of his daughter. Not a MM fan, at all, but her leaving behind and going no contact with a toxic family, seems very reasonable. Why should she visit?

TooBigForMyBoots · 31/05/2022 01:59

YABU. Stop projecting your anger and pain onto MM and her dad.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/05/2022 02:09

I think there is almost always a bloody good reason someone cuts their parent off. IME 9 times out of 10 it's a toss up between childhood trauma and personality disorder in the parent.

TalkingCat · 31/05/2022 02:40

Your post is batshit, and victim-blaming. Megan was abused by her father, she has every right to cut the abusive grifter off, for her own mental health. You clearly have not had an abusive parent or else you would not write such ignorant, offensive, misogynistic victim-blaming garbage. Megan should have a restraining order against him.

notangelinajolie · 31/05/2022 02:59

TalkingCat · 31/05/2022 02:40

Your post is batshit, and victim-blaming. Megan was abused by her father, she has every right to cut the abusive grifter off, for her own mental health. You clearly have not had an abusive parent or else you would not write such ignorant, offensive, misogynistic victim-blaming garbage. Megan should have a restraining order against him.

Abused? Can you be more specific. According to her social media It appeared they had a close father daughter relationship. She lived with her dad for the most part of her life - did something happen? Do you know why she didn’t live with her mom?

myammus · 31/05/2022 03:07

YABU, I suspect you feel guilty for whatever you did to cause your family member to cut you off and are projecting that onto these people you’ve never met and know nothing about

daisychain01 · 31/05/2022 03:38

It's ludicrous and delusional to believe that the person who decides to go NC is always the bad abusive one.

Sometimes it's easier to walk away from a relationship without being forced to go through some elaborate explanation, especially if they fear their words will get picked apart by the person they don't want in their life and have their explanation minimised and thrown back in their face.

DeeCeeCherry · 31/05/2022 03:42

What an ignorant, cheap shot post. People are perfectly entitled to go NC with a parent that is harmful to their emitional health. Read the Stately Homes threads and have a word with yourself

AuntieMarys · 31/05/2022 03:52

Totally disagree with you. Markle is an attention seeking failure. A total embarrassment as a father.

BlueKaftan · 31/05/2022 04:08

He’s a disgusting man and should have kept out of the press instead of embarrassing himself and his daughter. The Duchess has tried to be dignified by maintaining her silence. And let’s not forget that we only know what the tabloids publish, and they exist only to stir the pot.

A580Hojas · 31/05/2022 04:25

I read a very long article about Thomas Markle once, having known precisely zero about him before. Unfortunately can't remember where but I'm fairly sure it was a credible publication (otherwise wouldn't have bothered). It was sympathetic to him, sure, but on balance I really don't think he's the monster that many people make him out to be.

BenCooperSuperTrouper · 31/05/2022 04:27

I’m critical of Harry and Meghan for many reasons, but not for cutting off that toxic man.

IDreamOfTheMoors · 31/05/2022 04:32

Next you’ll be defending Samantha, the illustrious author of “Princess Pushy,” or whatever the hell it was called.

Mr. Markle caused all of his own problems. And now he’s got you defending him for it. Think about that for a moment or two, instead of believing everything you read on the internet, or in the Daily Fail.

TomBradysLeftKneecap · 31/05/2022 05:03

Samantha is back again then?! Yawn.

Andouillette · 31/05/2022 05:04

Perhaps OP you might like to consider why it is that Mr. Markle is not in touch with several members of his family? Why he let his daughter down so very badly a matter of days before the wedding? I have seen idiots claiming that 'she didn't want him there', his name on the order of service would suggest strongly that they are talking utter bollocks. Also consider this; peope claim that the relationship was 'wonderful' as she kept talking about him in loving terms before the chaos, could it be that his love was always conditional on her being a good little girl a far as he was concerned? That would not be healthy at all.

Sortilege · 31/05/2022 05:27

I think the experience of having the worlds press landing on your doorstep is probably even more relevant here, and something very few of us can understand.

Undoubtedly TM has made some poor decisions, but he was besieged by press and some awful things were said about him, all while his relationship with his daughter strained and cracked. None of us really understand what that kind of outside pressure feels like. He didn’t even have a large house or financial resources to bigger homes from the paparazzi. Doria has been much more dignified, but the much better help she has evidently had probably at least partly figured in that.

BackInMarch2020PreCovid · 31/05/2022 05:29

As someone who went NC with a family member, I strongly disagree with you.

NC isn’t done on a whim - it’s considered, hard, emotional and conflicting.

You state the receiver of NC has to deal with feelings of ”anger, rejection, worthlessness and profound sadness”; however the person going NC has likely dealt with exactly those feelings plus a whole host of other feelings, or even abuse (emotional or otherwise).

MM has her own reasons for not contacting him. The very fact he’s in the paper again complaining about her (through the guise of her half brother) proves to me that he doesn’t care for her feelings at all.

And the reference to her visiting the school is not even linked. I’d have gone and paid my respects to that situation if was an hour away, that’s not even relevant that she hasn’t gone to see her dad instead 🙄