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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is Best Friend ignoring me 🤔

295 replies

Safarigiraffe · 28/05/2022 21:30

Hi I have a best friend whom I’ve been friends with for years now however lately past 3 months she ignores me as in leaves me on read & will reply back 2-3 days later saying she was busy & when I’ve said to meet up (always me that initiates the meet ups never has been her) she always says she’s working or let’s me down last min on the actual day - could this be the end of our friendship? Not sure how to address this with her as I really do want to bring this to her attention without her thinking I’m being clingy if that makes sense

OP posts:
SchoolThing · 30/05/2022 21:13

Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 17:54

Just to update - she messaged me today saying she’s been busy etc so I just replied back ok let me know when you want a meet up So i have actually left the ball in her court now not doing no more than that though

She’s telling you she isn’t interested.

In more ways than one you are not getting the message.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 22:05

I feel like a fool in a way 😞 for not being able to see that maybe I’m being naïve

OP posts:
SchoolThing · 30/05/2022 22:11

Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 22:05

I feel like a fool in a way 😞 for not being able to see that maybe I’m being naïve

Well that is a big step forward, acknowledging you ignore what you don’t want to hear.

Now leave it.

Blueberry6 · 30/05/2022 22:22

OP please don’t fall for it. She said you should continue to message but she doesn’t reply. That’s still one sided.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 22:27

Blueberry6 - yes it is one sided so I’m not messaging her at all now even if she messages me as it always has felt like a one sided friendship such a shame 😞

OP posts:
Lagertha6 · 31/05/2022 00:41

Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 22:27

Blueberry6 - yes it is one sided so I’m not messaging her at all now even if she messages me as it always has felt like a one sided friendship such a shame 😞

Deserve better

mumsnetter123 · 31/05/2022 00:56

Personally I wouldn't of messaged a message like that. I would've said something like, "have I done something wrong? You seem really distant we hardly talk and never see eachother anymore, just wondering if everything is ok with you? Or if you genuinely don't know if you want to be friends anymore?" I hate beating around the bush if she feels like your annoying or whatever that's for her to say but if she ain't telling you then you wouldn't know I've been friends with someone for over 12 years she's my bestfriend I hardly see her but we text almost everyday constantly about the most random stuff. I get what you mean it's a long time but me and my bestfriend have that bond to just speak up. There's been a few times I've messaged and said feel like we arnt as close anymore and we've sorted it, sometimes she got caught up on uni and me being a mum it does happen but we are never not there for eachother and we always talk, she's my daughters god mother. Just don't beat around the bush otherwise it drags on forever if your that close you should be able to be open about how you feel

Dita73 · 31/05/2022 05:08

Sorry but if I was her I would have blocked your number by now as it’s verging on creepy and obsessive. Just let it go

EmeraldShamrock1 · 31/05/2022 07:55

I'd delete her contact details now.

She has your details if things change.

It's hard to lose a longterm friend.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 31/05/2022 07:58

She did message me this morning to say to me she blistered her hand 🤷‍♀️ But wondering if she’s just kind of messaging me to keep the peace

OP posts:
Marvellousmadness · 31/05/2022 08:01

"She’s telling you she isn’t interested.

In more ways than one you are not getting the message."

She wou have ghosted you if you were a guy. But she is le tting you know VERY clearly she is done with the friendship

Time to let go op

XelaM · 31/05/2022 08:32

I think people are being wayyyy too dramatic. Sometimes life gets in the way and she may be having a rubbish time, which is why she doesn't feel like socialising. It doesn't mean she wants the friendship to be over.

Vikinga · 31/05/2022 09:31

I've got friends who I'll kessage loads sometimes and rarely at other times. She keeps telling you she's busy and cancelling meet ups . I don't understand what else you want and why you would keep messaging if there is no response, just doesn't make sense.

And if she is going out with other friends then she obviously prefers to spend time with them and not you. That would upset me but I would take the hint.

Blueberry6 · 31/05/2022 10:50

@mumsnetter123 agree with you. I’m more like that too. I have to be upfront.

@Safarigiraffe did you reply back to her. I think you need to tell her exactly how you feel like you have done here. I think that is the only way for you to move on.

Poptart4 · 31/05/2022 11:40

OP if a close friend sent me a message saying she felt I wasn't messaging as much and asking me if something was wrong, I would have replied straight away or even called her to apologise and explain myself.

Your best friend left you on read for hours then told you that she still wants YOU to message her. You may have been best friends in the past but I think its clear she no longer sees you as a best friend.

She probably still wants you as an acquaintance/casual friend which is fine as long as you know where you stand and adjust your expectations of the friendship accordingly.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 31/05/2022 13:13

Should I ask her how she sees the friendship between us?

OP posts:
thehuntforsheep · 31/05/2022 13:22

OP, you are coming across as incredibly obtuse and quite frankly stalkerish. Leave your poor friend alone. I also would have deleted and blocked you. We are 9 pages into this mess and you are still messaging her and obsessing over how/what/when she replies. No-one owes you an explanation. Move on FGS.

SchoolThing · 31/05/2022 13:37

Safarigiraffe · 31/05/2022 13:13

Should I ask her how she sees the friendship between us?

Aeroplane, read back on your posts. This is not normal, it’s obsessive and creepy. Every single time you message you make up a new story about why she continue to keep you at arm’s length. Then message again.

There’s a saying, keep doing the same thing and you’ll keep getting the same result. In this case however I think you are progressively making things worse. She doesn’t want to see you and I very much doubt she wants to hear from you.

SchoolThing · 31/05/2022 13:38

Not aeroplane obvs. Thank you autocorrect

CustardySergeant · 31/05/2022 13:40

Safarigiraffe · 31/05/2022 13:13

Should I ask her how she sees the friendship between us?

No you shouldn't. Just stop messaging her.

mumsnetter123 · 31/05/2022 16:08

Safarigiraffe · 31/05/2022 13:13

Should I ask her how she sees the friendship between us?

Just tell her you don't feel like your as close as you used to be and if it's something you have done and leave it as that you'll get your answer that way either she'll be fine with you or she'll say if she no longer wants to be friends no matter what someone says to you about not messaging you'll want to anyway

Wouldyabeguilty · 31/05/2022 16:17

Give me strength. My heart goes out to the poor cow being stalked by you. I really really hope she blocks you because this is harassment at it’s finest and yes, you are most certainly coming across as unhinged …and then some. You keep saying the ball is in her court but you have set up camp in her court and are stalking the fuck out of her.
Will I say this? Will I say that?

LEAVE HER ALONE before she gets a restraining order.

Mary46 · 31/05/2022 16:21

Leave it. No more texts. I think this friendship has fizzled. Op stop chasing her.

RosieRooster83 · 31/05/2022 18:11

Safarigiraffe · 31/05/2022 13:13

Should I ask her how she sees the friendship between us?

Did you reply to the message about the blister on her hand?

I think people are being rather horrible to you over this matter.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 31/05/2022 18:28

RosieRooster83 - I feel people on here are being between nice & rude in a way

OP posts: