Is Best Friend ignoring me 🤔

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi I have a best friend whom I’ve been friends with for years now however lately past 3 months she ignores me as in leaves me on read & will reply back 2-3 days later saying she was busy & when I’ve said to meet up (always me that initiates the meet ups never has been her) she always says she’s working or let’s me down last min on the actual day - could this be the end of our friendship? Not sure how to address this with her as I really do want to bring this to her attention without her thinking I’m being clingy if that makes sense

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not message get again. This is going into Single White Female territory now.

Leave her alone and let it go.

Her not get

I dont think you're being clingy and you have the right to ask if your friend is being funny. Just ask her what's wrong and take it from there.

Just feel very sad 😞 that it’s come to this & I am being phased out with no explanation at all

Not meaning to sound harsh but I think your a bit much.
Take the hint and leave her alone.
We're not at school.
She owes you nothing not even an explanation.
Saw and amazing meme and I totally agree with it. I will try and post it

I think this behaviour may be why she's phasing you out op. It's a little childish and clingy.
People don't like clingy friends - just chill and try and find some new friends.

This... says it all.

I would message one last time and say

"I am here if you need me, i really hope everything is ok, I won't contact you again as I have been left with the impression that you don't want me to"

It makes it clear you are feeling upset but still there for her if she wants.

Then I would hide her social media (but not delete) and try to put it to the back of your mind.

Exactly we aren’t at school where we play games with each other and phase our friends out ignoring them cos we feel like it - as Adults I would of thought we tell our friends when there is a problem not run & hide ignoring them

Whoam - thanks for that meme appreciate it but I seriously don’t know what I have done

My best friend did this to me, so I get how you feel. I was as heartbroken as if I'd been dumped by a boyfriend. It reaaaally hurt.
Has her life changed a bit?
My exbf met her future husband (who I felt was quite controlling) and that was it for me, I think she wanted to focus on being with him and getting married, more kids etc and single me didn't suit her new lifestyle.
We had some brilliant times and I would still pick up the phone to her in a heart beat.
Let her come to you, and focus your attentions outwards rather than inwards x

Has her life changed lately?

I met a friend via a course I was doing.

We didn't have much in common, but she always sat beside me in class. We'd walk to the shop to buy a drink etc but it was always me listening and her talking.

We don't live close to each other snd with covid the classes moved online.

She kept messaging me. I'd reply a few words and she'd ring me! I answered the first couple of times but there was so much silence, we literally only had the course content in common!!

A few months ago she messaged me and asked me to visit her. I said no, it was far away and tbh I liked my weekends for my husband and kids.

She referred to something and I said "oh, I hadn't realised" and she replied with the following "if you SCROLL up through our messages you'll SEE I said this to you MONTHS ago"
I just sent a thumbs up... no more replies from me.

But I've not been her best friend for years!

This is why my WhatsApp settings are set to make it look like I’m always offline - I hate the thought of people watching my movements that closely

I don't have a best friend either, or a husband, and yet i'm not lonely. Sometimes I think that might be because I'm a bit avoidant. Not sure. I wasn't raised to believe I should be heard, ykwim.

In fact reading this thread title I did think the best friend title was a little bit heavy. I have some ''good'' friends who mean a lot to me, old friends, from school, people I would love to be better friends with! But never really had that super connection. All of my friends always have better friends. Not to say that they're not my friends. But I'm not that close to anybody.

I'm ok for it though.

Sorry you're going through this OP

In my case, it’s not that I don’t have friends I’m very close to. I have very close friends from different times in my life. I just wouldn’t want to define any one of them as my ‘best friend’. That’s more how DD2 (10) would speak about her school friends!!

I have to admit that I would find calling/texting friends as often as every day/3 times a week a bit much, though!!

You may not of done anything but let it go now, she clearly doesn't want to reply and that is her prerogative.

Not being mean but the more you push the more likely you’re Pushing her away. As I said in a previous comment I was the friend that phased somebody out and if my ex friend harassed me for answers and my attention the way you are it would honestly only make it even easier for me to shut you out, This sounds harsh but she’s an adult that owes you nothing not an explanation nothing whether that’s rude or not and I think you really need to respect her decision and stop forcing yourself upon her as your only hurting yourself.

When I say best friend I mean we was closer than our other friends so we referred to each other as best friends if that makes sense

I get that she doesn’t owe me a explanation & actions do speak louder than words but I guess I’m feeling very upset right now as I have done nothing wrong & she has decided to phase me out & is online & on social media with others but nothing more I can do now I guess

I feel sad for you that this has happened, but I think you need to tell yourself that this friendship is over to give yourself closure.

LizzieW1969 - it was both of us messaging between us 2-3 times a week

You haven't done anything wrong, but I would guess that she feels that you required a higher level of ''intimacy'' and more communication that she had the capacity for right now. I remember years ago, myself and another single parent friend, we'd whatsapp a lot but then I got a job and she didn't, and I had two children and she only had one.... so I did feel that way. I can still think of what all of her good points were but I kind of couldn't cope with it. It wasn't that I didn't like her. I faded away gradually. To me it seemed obvious that I wasn't going to announce why the friendship wasn't working for me anymore as that would have seemed patronising and rude. Also, it is not a skill of mine, navigating my way through really difficult conversations .

My DD in Y4 will often talk about her best friend... her best friend in her class, her best friend on our street, her best friend at dance, her holiday best friend. A week ago DH said to her, "they can't all be your best friends" and she said "they're all my good friends" and tbh that's the way I remember feeling about my friends at school too.

The one who probably was my school most consistently close friend went a bit distant on me when she started hanging around with this 'cooler' group and although I was kind of welcome to join too, they found me dull and I found them pretentious. I was a bit snotty about it and friend blanked me for a few days. We probably weren't so close after that but years later we are still friends and see each other whenever we're in the same locality (not often but maybe a couple times a year).

I have a close friend from uni and we do chat and message a lot - but if either of us didn't message for a few days we'd think nothing of it and probably wouldn't notice. He and his partner usually have Sunday brunch with us so I'd find out then if something was wrong with him! There have been times when one or other of us has cancelled it several times in a row - busy, tired, unwell, distracted, other commitments - but I don't think either of us would read more into it.

I don't know - I guess I just feel that friendships work when neither party is obsessively emotionally invested. But equally, it's not very nice if people blank you or start acting distant for no reason. I don't think running after them will help though, because ultimately it's got to come from them and there's no point trying to force it.

Fair enough, OP, but maybe it’s all become too intense for her now and she’s decided that she no longer wants that close connection with you. Friendships do evolve over time, some continue while others fade.

Either way, you need to respect her choice to back away from this friendship, hurtful though it must be. (As I’ve said, I’ve been ghosted before so I know it’s hurtful.)

Just wondering whether it’s worth sending her another message along the lines of “I know you have been busy but I think it’s best if I give you space & distance but I hope all is good your end, message me if you want to if not that’s fine”