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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is Best Friend ignoring me 🤔

295 replies

Safarigiraffe · 28/05/2022 21:30

Hi I have a best friend whom I’ve been friends with for years now however lately past 3 months she ignores me as in leaves me on read & will reply back 2-3 days later saying she was busy & when I’ve said to meet up (always me that initiates the meet ups never has been her) she always says she’s working or let’s me down last min on the actual day - could this be the end of our friendship? Not sure how to address this with her as I really do want to bring this to her attention without her thinking I’m being clingy if that makes sense

OP posts:
Mary46 · 29/05/2022 22:40

Let it be now. My mam can be needy its intense. Just let her be. Op its hurtful yes.

LizzieW1969 · 29/05/2022 22:52

Don’t send her another message, it won’t make her any more likely to respond to you. It’s time to back off, honestly.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 22:55

LizzieW1969 - thanks for your honesty appreciate it also thanks to everyone as well for being there and being upfront/honest with me but obviously will keep you all updated

OP posts:
BadWolf2022 · 29/05/2022 22:59

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 22:38

Just wondering whether it’s worth sending her another message along the lines of “I know you have been busy but I think it’s best if I give you space & distance but I hope all is good your end, message me if you want to if not that’s fine”

Please op for your own sanity and well being don't keep messaging her. Walk away with your head held high.

Autumnmapleleaf · 29/05/2022 23:08

Please don’t send her another message, it’s getting embarrassing now.

I can completely understand why you’re upset and hurt, I would be too but messaging her again and again when she’s ignoring you won’t change the situation and will just be cringe when you think back in the future. She knows you want to be her friend, there’s nothing more you can do but give her space and busy yourself with other things/ people and see if she gets in touch at a later date.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 29/05/2022 23:26

Hi op, I hope you hear back with an explanation.
I suspect you won’t though and I suspect she will simply ignore your message or reply after a long delay saying she’s just been busy.

it’s painful loosing a close friendship. I understand the hurt,

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 23:32

If she replies back to say she’s been busy what should I reply to her

OP posts:
XelaM · 29/05/2022 23:34

Could she be depressed? Honestly I go through phases where I simply can't bring myself to engage in small talk even with my best friend. Usually when everything is going badly

RampantIvy · 30/05/2022 07:09

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 23:32

If she replies back to say she’s been busy what should I reply to her

Nothing.

It's obvious that she is distancing herself. I know you want closure, but it isn't going to happen.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 07:34

Not going to engage in conversation with her as even if she says she has been busy not ignoring me etc etc then she’s obviously lying to spare my feelings but then again she may say nothing or even say she don’t want us to mix - either way will have to accept it 😞

OP posts:
Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 30/05/2022 08:05

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 23:32

If she replies back to say she’s been busy what should I reply to her

I would either not reply or reply something simple like “oh ok, let me know if you want to catch up when you have time” and then leave it completely.

id probably just not reply though. She obviously is choosing to distance herself rather than address whatever issue has cropped up.

mihimagna · 30/05/2022 08:09

I know how you feel, I'm going through the same thing with my "best" friend as well. I've known her for over a year and we used to talk everyday and tell eachother everything. We did everything together.
The last time I saw her I had just given birth to my baby which was around three months ago. She served her husband divorce papers on Valentine's day the same day I had my baby. I haven't heard from her since February. It makes me sad she ignores me because I thought we had something special. Things were not looking up for her last time we spoke. She was staying at another friend's place and her husband didn't let her keep the car and was financially dependent on him. I offered to pick her up anytime but she said she didn't feel comfortable giving me her new address. Could she have been staying with a lover or something?

Meraas · 30/05/2022 08:44

@mihimagna it sounds like your ‘best’ friend (of just a year) is going through some major stuff and the last thing she needs is to worry about how you feel. Let her be! And the comment about the lover…seriously?!

BadWolf2022 · 30/05/2022 09:00

mihimagna · 30/05/2022 08:09

I know how you feel, I'm going through the same thing with my "best" friend as well. I've known her for over a year and we used to talk everyday and tell eachother everything. We did everything together.
The last time I saw her I had just given birth to my baby which was around three months ago. She served her husband divorce papers on Valentine's day the same day I had my baby. I haven't heard from her since February. It makes me sad she ignores me because I thought we had something special. Things were not looking up for her last time we spoke. She was staying at another friend's place and her husband didn't let her keep the car and was financially dependent on him. I offered to pick her up anytime but she said she didn't feel comfortable giving me her new address. Could she have been staying with a lover or something?

No wonder she dropped you making random things up about her.. her lover seriously? Hmm

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 17:54

Just to update - she messaged me today saying she’s been busy etc so I just replied back ok let me know when you want a meet up So i have actually left the ball in her court now not doing no more than that though

OP posts:
Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 18:04

Also messaged her that if she wants space & distance it’s up to her & it’s up to her to arrange any meet ups if she wants to catch up
I have done my part here now the balls in her court

OP posts:
Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 30/05/2022 18:58

Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 18:04

Also messaged her that if she wants space & distance it’s up to her & it’s up to her to arrange any meet ups if she wants to catch up
I have done my part here now the balls in her court

That’s all you can do op (possibly one more message than necessary).
if you don’t hear back then you’ll know she distancing herself purposely.
if she does want to maintain a friendship then the ball is with her now to instigate and she knows that.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 19:03

I’m going to limit down completely my messages to her and see how she responds - if she messages me I will message her back however meeting ups are on her now

OP posts:
Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 19:06

She did message me to say she still wants me to message her however I repeated to her just message me when you can & let me know when you want to do a meeting up - balls def in her court now not running around after her either

OP posts:
Wouldyabeguilty · 30/05/2022 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 19:31

Wouldyabeguilty - I am not deranged thanks very much if you are going to be nasty in this way please don’t comment

OP posts:
Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 19:33

She messaged me to say she still wants me to message me so I simply said message me when you can & IF you want to meet up how does that make me deranged

OP posts:
ZeldaFighter · 30/05/2022 19:35

You may never get closure and even if you did, it can be very painful. Try to think of this friendship as a flower that blossomed, then faded, as flowers do. Nothing Gold can stay. Look to your future ✨

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 30/05/2022 19:38

As I said I’m not messaging her again I’ve left the ball in her court now to message and if she wants to meet up (she won’t but just said that to see what will happen)

OP posts:
Mary46 · 30/05/2022 20:56

You shouldnt have chase friends. Yes op leave it to her now...