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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is Best Friend ignoring me 🤔

295 replies

Safarigiraffe · 28/05/2022 21:30

Hi I have a best friend whom I’ve been friends with for years now however lately past 3 months she ignores me as in leaves me on read & will reply back 2-3 days later saying she was busy & when I’ve said to meet up (always me that initiates the meet ups never has been her) she always says she’s working or let’s me down last min on the actual day - could this be the end of our friendship? Not sure how to address this with her as I really do want to bring this to her attention without her thinking I’m being clingy if that makes sense

OP posts:
Blowthemandown · 29/05/2022 14:02

“Hi, I’ve noticed you’ve put off meeting up the last few times and haven’t replied very quickly so was wondering if everything is ok. Perhaps you’re just busy or maybe you feel I message too often, or perhaps you have a new circle of closer friends now. I have valued our friendship so I hope you can still make time for it, but if not, please let me know and I’ll stop contacting you, while wishing you the very best. Thanks, OP x”

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 14:02

Just been left on read

OP posts:
Binglebong · 29/05/2022 14:03

Op my mental health is rubbish at the moment. On the outside people wouldn't notice but it really is. I can do the superficial stuff - I comment and share on Facebook and even share sillies on messenger. But real intetactions are hard. I don't have the energy for them so messages can go a few days without replies or never get answered. Phone calls just don't happen. I really don't want to tell people why as I hate people worrying about me and don't want the discussions reassuring them.

Sorry to be all me me me but I'm trying to offer an alternative view. It may simply be hard for her right now. If I were you I would just send her a text saying you understand she wants to take a step back for a while but you are there when she's ready. And see if she wants you to continue sending silly memes etc.

Good luck and try not to take it too personally.

itsgettingweird · 29/05/2022 14:03

Mine did this.

Or if I called text me 3 days later to check everything ok 🤔

I backed off and stopped making contact and initiating it. Stopped initiating responses and started doing the same re replies.

No drama I just decided if she commented to respond I was surprised she found my behaviour unacceptable when it outriders hers and I'd taken the lead from her about this being how our friendship would run.

Anyway she went quiet. Then outbid the blue contacted me asking about me and ds. I knew at this point she had news to tell me and wanted me to open that conversation. I never did. I answered her questions truthfully but without much information. That was it. Never asked anything back.

She never contacted me again.

I'd already realised by that point my life was easier without her in it.

I'd adopted the MN saying if having people in your life only who being something to it.

It was liberating.

Blueberry6 · 29/05/2022 14:06

Hope you get a reply to put your mind at rest.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 14:09

Blueberry6 - thanks but still no reply back unfortunately
Messaged this “hi how you getting on you haven’t messaged me now for a few days so it’s more of a concern are you ok” should I add anything more or leave it to see what she says

OP posts:
slashlover · 29/05/2022 14:20

Just leave it now. Honestly OP, put your phone down and go and do anything else for a few hours, constantly checking is just going to wind you up. Although I do the same thing.

Blueberry6 · 29/05/2022 14:23

@Safarigiraffe I think that’s a good message. Don’t send anymore. Agree with above. Leave your phone and don’t look at it. You will feel better.

BraveryBot9to5 · 29/05/2022 14:23

The answer isn't likely to help...... if it comes

Would you be able to hear something like, you need too much communication and I have to scale this back

Blueberry6 · 29/05/2022 14:26

I saw my friends whatsapp chats few times. She scrolled down and I’m sure there was over 15 chats. It was so long. I really understand why OP feels upset. But you just have to accept it.

MountainClimber22 · 29/05/2022 14:39

When my anxiety was bad I was a bad friend like this. Taking ages to message back and cancelling plans. I didn't want to talk to or go out with anyone I could just about manage going to work everyday when. I got home I just wanted my safe place. Maybe her mental health is not too good?

lemongreentea · 29/05/2022 14:44

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 10:39

Yes I do have other friends I can message however we was best friends so wouldn’t you wonder if you had a best friend?

no I wouldnt wonder. I would just leave it

if she has problems you are making it worse with all the messaging. And if shes struggling responding to your messages is just another thing that she haa to deal with. you can remain friends without the need to message twice a week even meet up.

I know people like you who message what i consider nonsense, (sorry op) who i dont respond to. If they need something and tell me if i can give it to them I respond otherwise ignore as people generally dont like to hear the word 'no'.

Boysnme · 29/05/2022 14:52

I’d leave it now OP. I’ve got similar with a friend and a month or so back just sent one last message and left it. I’ve not heard anything since. It feels so sad and pointless but not much you can do when your friend won’t reply. You can’t force her.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 14:57

Lemon green tree / I am not messaging her nonsense/rubbish thanks very much it was more to see what each other was up to & how each other was which I would of thought is what close friends do

OP posts:
Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 15:14

This was not a every day thing it was a 2/3 times a week between us BOTH EQUALLY

OP posts:
Blueberry6 · 29/05/2022 15:16

OP I feel sad for you. Totally get you. Hope you find the strength to not let it get to you. I know it’s hard.

Bunce1 · 29/05/2022 15:22

Still no reply?

I would leave it now. She’s in a bad place.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 15:31

Yes still no reply I agree she must be in a bad place however I feel sad that she’s not been able to share with me what’s going on (we used to share a lot together) but not much I can do I guess now the balls in her court

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 29/05/2022 15:31

@SchoolThing ive never been ghosted. I don't know anyone that would behave in such a viscious spiteful way.

My vehement reaction is based on the act of ghosting someone. Not people.

Projecting much sweetie?

redbeachhut · 29/05/2022 16:03

This has happened to me over the past few months. A good friend who messaged almost daily for a few years and who I’d meet up with weekly has stopped messaging and hasn’t responded to messages I’ve sent. They’re still very active on social media though, posting things multiple times a week. It hurts as I don’t have many friends - they were one of the closest friends I had, though they have lots of friends so I knew I was just one of many for them. The timing coincided with them finding a new friendship group through a shared interest. I’ve taken the hint, though it now feels like I was being used for company until better people came along. I wonder if they’ve done the same to their other friends.

I’ve read of so much of this happening over the past year. It’s really sad, and not something I thought would happen to me.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 16:37

Still no reply 😞

OP posts:
OrchardBlack · 29/05/2022 16:47

If she still doesn't reply OP I think you have your answer

topshotta · 29/05/2022 16:57

oh bless you OP u deserve better xx

Blueberry6 · 29/05/2022 16:59

☹️☹️

Bunce1 · 29/05/2022 18:08

You deserve better!