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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is Best Friend ignoring me 🤔

295 replies

Safarigiraffe · 28/05/2022 21:30

Hi I have a best friend whom I’ve been friends with for years now however lately past 3 months she ignores me as in leaves me on read & will reply back 2-3 days later saying she was busy & when I’ve said to meet up (always me that initiates the meet ups never has been her) she always says she’s working or let’s me down last min on the actual day - could this be the end of our friendship? Not sure how to address this with her as I really do want to bring this to her attention without her thinking I’m being clingy if that makes sense

OP posts:
BrownHairedQuirk · 29/05/2022 18:16

Ah OP I’m sorry to hear this. It’s really unpleasant of her and you do deserve better, you sound like a lovely friend. While I do understand having mental health issues (I have many myself), it takes two seconds to message and say that you’re not up to chatting - especially if it is clear that she is still chatting/seeing other people Sad

Blueberry6 · 29/05/2022 18:21

Totally agree with @BrownHairedQuirk there is no excuse.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 18:23

Still no reply 😞

OP posts:
Pookymalooky · 29/05/2022 18:26

I had a best friend who phased me out too. It was not a one sided friendship it was definitely both of us wanting to hang out with each other etc etc. Then suddenly she just started phasing me out and through the grapevine I heard she said I thought the friendship was more than she did. That was rubbish, just something she said to make her feel better about being a crap friend!
sorry this is happening op but pretty sure it’s the same situation. You’ve asked her, if she doesn’t want to be honest you need to move on and leave her to it. It’s not you, it’s her. Repeat that to yourself.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 18:33

Doesn’t even have the decency as a woman to tell me straight up that’s the other upsetting part to it

OP posts:
Mary46 · 29/05/2022 18:37

Op its hurtful yes. My friend has just phased me out. I cant change it. Not grovelling or chasing. Always vague re meetup dates. I just feel she not reliable now

Astralis · 29/05/2022 18:42

If this thread is anything to go by, she's just fed up of you and wants a break.
Which she's not getting.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 18:47

Astralis - I have done nothing for her to be fed up of me so her phasing me out with no explanation is acceptable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 18:54

At the very least a explanation as to why she don’t want to know me would be nice no matter what so at least I know what if anything I’ve done wrong

OP posts:
Don'tcallthepolice · 29/05/2022 18:57

Ignore Astralis. He/she is mean and a bully. I know this is painful OP I hope you get some closure on this situation. It may be hurtful till you do. Sending hugs

RealBecca · 29/05/2022 18:58

If she hasn't replied to that then the friendship is over.

I would have suggested you message in a fortnight and then a month and then 2 and leave it there. I wouldn't have suggested meeting in any of those and I would have made sure they didn't require a response. Silly meme. Offer of a hand me down etc.

But yeah she wants less contact and likely phasing out.

FWIW I dont like texting and I have a friend that likes to chat in messages and I dont so I leave long gaps and send responses that dont need a reply or a small bit of chat but I'd really rather just talk on the phone or meet up.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 19:03

Thing is she was always forever messaging me chatting about everything sharing problems but past 3 months nothing and going by today I think she wants to phase me out however I’m not messaging her again the balls in her court now

OP posts:
SchoolThing · 29/05/2022 19:06

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 18:54

At the very least a explanation as to why she don’t want to know me would be nice no matter what so at least I know what if anything I’ve done wrong

Look back on what you wrote there.

”An explanation of why she doesn’t want to know me would be nice.”

To me that is crazy. No, it wouldn’t be nice. Let’s imagine it
“I don’t want to know you.”

”I don’t want to know you because I find you needy.”

”I don’t want to know you because I find you irritating.”

”I don’t want to know you because I find you dull.”

Can you honestly say that bay of these responses are “nice”? Or that you want to receive them?

Can you open your mind to the possibility that the nicest thing she can do is ignore you?

You are very stuck on expectations of her. You need to learn to focus on what you can control which is basically yourself, not others.

Blueberry6 · 29/05/2022 19:24

How is ignoring her the nicest thing she can do? I’d rather if it was my friend say I’m annoying. So I get a closure.

Blueberry6 · 29/05/2022 19:25

OP if you don’t get a reply by tonight just delete her. You need to focus on yourself. You have tried. Nothing else you can do.

clumperoo · 29/05/2022 19:40

Would would you confront her? She's trying to phase you out. It's hurtful but surely confronting her will make it harder? She's either going to say something to hurt you or she's going to lie and say she's busy

Either way; leaver her to it

clumperoo · 29/05/2022 19:43

It's " we were friends Not "we was friends" just fyi OP

Mary46 · 29/05/2022 19:59

Same blueberry would rather they say the problem is x. Op let it be now. It is hurtful. I find friends non comittal past while. Busy busy. Unless I chase them yet again. Im trying keep busy/join new things

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 20:16

Well I’m think I have got the message now 😞 no reply back

OP posts:
Jourdain11 · 29/05/2022 20:22

Do people actually have 'best friends'? I honestly find this concept very weird, but maybe I am the odd one...

LizzieW1969 · 29/05/2022 20:34

I know what you mean, @Jourdain11, I can’t imagine having a ‘best friend’ as an adult; I have a few close friends and I can’t imagine deciding that one of them is my best friend. But obviously other people feel differently about this.

I can understand why you’re hurt, OP. I’ve been ‘ghosted’ before and it is painful. But I then focused on the friends I do have, which is what you should do now.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 21:04

I feel like messaging her more to say “maybe it’s best I give you some distance/space if you feel I’m messaging too much”

OP posts:
Mary46 · 29/05/2022 21:16

Leave it up to her now.. thats what I would do

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2022 21:19

Well she’s had all day to contact me & she’s hasn’t & she’s been online as well & has definitely read my message

OP posts:
Lagertha6 · 29/05/2022 21:21

Safarigiraffe · 28/05/2022 21:30

Hi I have a best friend whom I’ve been friends with for years now however lately past 3 months she ignores me as in leaves me on read & will reply back 2-3 days later saying she was busy & when I’ve said to meet up (always me that initiates the meet ups never has been her) she always says she’s working or let’s me down last min on the actual day - could this be the end of our friendship? Not sure how to address this with her as I really do want to bring this to her attention without her thinking I’m being clingy if that makes sense

This is my situation. I've tried and tried. I've now decided to leave it and think sod her. You don't deserve to be treated this way. X