Is Best Friend ignoring me 🤔

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi I have a best friend whom I’ve been friends with for years now however lately past 3 months she ignores me as in leaves me on read & will reply back 2-3 days later saying she was busy & when I’ve said to meet up (always me that initiates the meet ups never has been her) she always says she’s working or let’s me down last min on the actual day - could this be the end of our friendship? Not sure how to address this with her as I really do want to bring this to her attention without her thinking I’m being clingy if that makes sense

Yes that’s a good plan

I would message her and ask her outright what has happened or if you have upset her. It could be that she is just really busy at the moment. I know I drop off a bit when work is manic, often open messages to respond then get a client call and forget to go back to it. When I have periods like this, I attend stuff I already had planned but don't make any others because I need a break too. If she is a good friend, she will explain and you can move on. If she doesn't respond, just leave it.

Call her up and talk about it. Stop sending messages and the “hi hope your ok one”
is quite infuriating. It’s not asking anything.

call her.

Pretty much yes.
I was in same situation as you but I was the one who phased best friend out as we were at totally different points in life. I have a family, a full time carer and she's still going out partying every weekend. I had to phase her out as she didn't understand why I didn't want to go out doing what I was doing in my teen years. Id of been mortified if she asked me why and would of just pushed me away further.

I think the silence to your messages gives you exactly what you need to know she's doing other things in her life. I know it hurts to be dropped but these things happen people grow up and change.

yes do this.

do you have any other friends you can message instead?

Ask her. You have nothing to lose. If you don’t then you will always wonder and potentially blame/question yourself.

Yes I do have other friends I can message however we was best friends so wouldn’t you wonder if you had a best friend?

Of course you can wonder but it is quite another thing to demand an explanation.

See she is telling you she doesn’t value your friendship, you are just not listening. If she valued you she’d answer your messages and arrange to meet up.

Maybe you have difficulty reading social cues?

If you do decide to call for an explanation you are likely to get one of three responses so bear in mind how they might leave you feeling.

1. she doesn’t take your call or return it
2. She takes your call, feigns interest and promises to be in touch thereby putting you back to square one.
3. Tells you the truth which is likely to be very hurtful for example she’s bored by you, she has better friends now, she doesn’t trust you, she is embarrassed by your behaviour etc etc

True but then at least I know where I stand it’s the wondering at the moment & I want to know if I have done anything wrong as well

OP you obviously want an explanation so stop asking Internet strangers and talk to your friend.

But be prepared, she may be brutally brutally honest and hurt your feelings.

Or she may be a coward and lie and say nothings wrong but continue to ignore you.

I’d message something which notes both her continually having ‘other plans’ and the fact that you are the one instigating everything.

eg ‘You do seem to be very busy so will leave it with you to get in touch if you fancy a catch up.’

That doesn’t ask her directly what the issue is, but it does refer to it and you did say you want to avoid conflict. It also leaves the ball in her court so you don’t feel you are pestering if you keep messaging. Any decent friend would reply to that message with a suggested date. If she doesn’t and several weeks go by, you may want to ask directly what you have done.

Is it really cowardly to lie rather than say, “Hey I find you rude and pushy and I don’t want to hang out with you any more.” ? Because that’s what I would have said to an ex friend who kept harassing me to meet up and who ignored my attempts to distance myself.

SchoolThing - I have in no way been harassing her to meet up at all, we have been best friends for 10 years and lately past 3 months she’s been slowly distancing herself when before it was a equal amount of messaging/meet ups once every 3 months or so - I personally think to leave a close friend or anyone on read and not reply or suggest to meet up & then on the day let you down cos something better has come along is rather rude

It’s time to talk to your friend.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she had something else going on that she’s not ready to share.

Ok so you feel she is being rude, it’s good that you are admitting that. Your anger is understandable and it’s good you are acknowledging it.

Again, what outcome do you imagine? You pin her down and…?

Maybe it's me, but I find the amount of messages from friends and family just overwhelming sometimes. It's too much to be on call with so many people. Some people really enjoy texting, I have a dear friend who can hold multiple conversations by text throughout the day. I often fail to reply immediately now, but I felt exhausted by it. Maybe your friend prefers a phone call or in person meet up, maybe a bit less frequently.

Phone her. Messaging isn't working. Phone her ask if she's ok. You'll know by the response you get.
If she doesn't answer leave a voicemail saying "can you call me back when you get this ?"

Good luck OP

There's another similiar thread on here & I'll say it again. Ghosting a friend is spiteful, childish & pathetic.

Woman up. Explain to a once dear friend what's happened.
Deal with the fall out if they're hurt.
Don't be a shitty little cowardly toe rag & run away and hide as if you were 12
Grrrr

It isn’t cowardly to refuse to interact with a psychopath which is basically what you are painting yourself to be. It is very sensible. Being aggressive does not afford you rights to anything, it just makes you aggressive. Most unsurprising that you have been ghosted.

Is it possible she’s going through some stuff herself? I went through a phase of terrible depression and anxiety topped off with severe panic attacks every time I went out - I didn’t confide in many friends and made excuses not to meet up for a long time.

Am not suggesting uou are like someone I know but I have a friend who expects immediate replies and thinks she has upset me because I don't or I forget.
Cannot stand being asked if I have upset someone...find it a bit PA .
My good, close friends know me well enough that I might go for weeks without seeing/texting them and for them it's not an issue .
Think you need to try and relax and wait to hear from her .

With anxiety it can be easier to meet a larger group in a casual setting rather than a one to one which has more intense personal focus and it's harder to 'escape'.
Would you say that she leans on you for support and readily shares her feelings or is it the other way around?
Also if you were currently feeling more vulnerable yourself and needing a friendly ear, you might notice her behavior more, whereas if you were in a very busy phase you might not be noticing as much. There's any number of things that don't involve the her ditching you scenario.
Why don't you text her and suggest a phone call for a catch up. Don't abandon the real relationship for the fictious relationship your mind is imagining.

It does sound as though your friendship has peaked and is trailing off. A classic example of this is that you invite her to meet at the weekend, she says she’ll let you know, and then can’t meet - she’s kept you as back up but then made plans with other people.
She has other friends and perhaps has become closer to them. The best thing to do is accept it, let the friendship naturally ease off. It happens!
I always find it so irritating when people are annoyed about “being left on read” though, what a silly thing to be annoyed about. If you always have time to reply to a message immediately then you have too much spare time.

Maybe she finds you too intense.
Maybe she has shit going on that she doesn't want you to know about.
Maybe she doesn't answer you because she will know you will suggest meeting up again and she is running out of excuses.
Maybe she has anxiety or mental health issues and your constant requests for meetups makes it worse.
Maybe you are not the person she needs in her life right now.
Maybe she doesn't want to talk.
Maybe she doesn't want to share.
Maybe she doesn't see the friendship like you do anymore.
Maybe she wants out.
Maybe she feels stalked.
Maybe she can't be bothered.
maybe she is trying to phase you out without telling you bluntly she doesn't want to be friends.

Maybe you should just leave her alone.

And for all those reasons you have posted I accept that, but really do need to find out what & to leave her alone isn’t a option when I’ve been friends for 10 years with her