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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should have said no?

214 replies

OnlyTheHuffle · 24/05/2022 18:40

I've been away for a week with friends on holiday and got back today. I'm really tired (early and long flight) and starting with a bad cold. I was looking forward to coming home and going to bed and not getting up until late tomorrow as I'm off work.

My husband knew how tired I was and that I was starting to feel unwell but when I got home it turned out he'd agreed to have DSC here tonight (not usually our night) so ex can go out.

I could do without that in itself as I'm knackered and was looking forward to a quiet night but the thing that's really annoyed me is I always have to take DSDs to school on our days as DHs work starts too early.

So this means I now have to get up early to take them to school too.

AIBU to be annoyed and say he should have said no, knowing I was tired and unwell? And to say he can go in work late to take them.

OP posts:
TheFoxAndTheStar · 24/05/2022 18:42

If he agreed to have them, he needs to look after them. I think you should just take yourself off to bed!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/05/2022 18:42

You are not being unreasonable! He said he would have his kids, so you get your lie-in and he takes them to school - he does all the looking-after, in fact.

Cherrysoup · 24/05/2022 18:44

He’ll have to take them, don’t see why you should.

Youseethethingis1 · 24/05/2022 18:51

This is why the unspoken rule our house is that DSD can be here whenever suits her, DH, and her Mum, I don't see it as my place to get involved, but as soon as anything is required of me directly (pick ups/drop offs/changes of plans etc etc) then I am part of the conversation too and I reserve the right to say "no".
You'd better set him straight or he will just bugger off and leave you to it.

Original poster
OnlyTheHuffle · 24/05/2022 19:06

I know it'll be made out to not be a big deal because schools not far

OP posts:
tiredanddangerous · 24/05/2022 19:07

He'll have to go to work late so he can take them to school won't he?

StressedMumm1e · 24/05/2022 19:08

What did he say when you told him you were unhappy?

BadWolf2022 · 24/05/2022 19:09

He's their dad. There not your kids. He should be taking them regardless.

RunawayPea · 24/05/2022 19:09

The rule I have is that they are absolutely welcome here any time but they are not my responsibility and I will not be doing extra work to accommodate them. I know its a hard line but otherwise things slide and before you know it it becomes a regular thing for the pair of them to to dump their DSC on you.

RunawayPea · 24/05/2022 19:10

OnlyTheHuffle · 24/05/2022 19:06

I know it'll be made out to not be a big deal because schools not far

If its not a big deal he can do it

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/05/2022 19:11

He cant agree something as a favour to someone else when its basically you doing the favour for him. And especially not when you're ill, and without even asking you.

I'd just say you're not feeling well so will be sleeping tomorrow. What would he do if you weren't on the scene?

CoffeeBeansGalore · 24/05/2022 19:11

OnlyTheHuffle · 24/05/2022 19:06

I know it'll be made out to not be a big deal because schools not far

In that case it's no big deal for him to take care of his own child/ren.

Enjoy your lie in.

iRun2eatCake · 24/05/2022 19:12

OnlyTheHuffle · 24/05/2022 19:06

I know it'll be made out to not be a big deal because schools not far

And if it's not far then it's not a big deal for him to take them then!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/05/2022 19:12

And the distance from school is irrelevant, once you're up and out, you're up, whether its 0.5 miles or 5

pinkyredrose · 24/05/2022 19:13

How old are they, can they walk to school?

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/05/2022 19:13

"AIBU to be annoyed and say he should have said no, knowing I was tired and unwell? And to say he can go in work late to take them."

I would definitely be telling him that he's taking them to school tomorrow, he'll just have to be late because I am unwell and plan to stay in bed all morning to recover.

By any chance is he trying to 'punish' you for holidaying with your friends?

Crazycrazylady · 24/05/2022 19:16

Mmm I dunno.. if my husband came back from a weeks holiday saying he needed a lie in after. I'd be a bit allergic .

RunawayPea · 24/05/2022 19:19

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/05/2022 19:11

He cant agree something as a favour to someone else when its basically you doing the favour for him. And especially not when you're ill, and without even asking you.

I'd just say you're not feeling well so will be sleeping tomorrow. What would he do if you weren't on the scene?

Exactly, he can agree for you to do a favour!

Cheeky Fucker

Therealjudgejudy · 24/05/2022 19:20

Does he often volunteer you to look after his kids?

He's totally unreasonable. He can take his kids to school himself

Shinyandnew1 · 24/05/2022 19:22

I’d say I’m not well.

He promised, he can take them to school.

MiddleParking · 24/05/2022 19:25

Crazycrazylady · 24/05/2022 19:16

Mmm I dunno.. if my husband came back from a weeks holiday saying he needed a lie in after. I'd be a bit allergic .

So would I because we share young kids, but it sounds like OP is child free ergo she can use her free time to do whatever she likes.

cherrybonbons · 24/05/2022 19:25

Well I dunno. Step kids- depends on the dynamic. But if my husband came back from a week away and said he was too tired to do the school run, I would be telling him to do one (they are his kids) this actually happened last week.
Depends on the relationship I guess. But why can't your OH just do it....

Original poster
OnlyTheHuffle · 24/05/2022 19:27

if my husband came back from a week away and said he was too tired to do the school run, I would be telling him to do one (they are his kids)

But these aren't my kids?

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyTheHuffle · 24/05/2022 19:28

But why can't your OH just do it....

He'd be late for work, he starts at 8.

We do actually share a DC but they are away with my parents (nursery age) at the moment hence why I went away this week!

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 24/05/2022 19:29

Not unreasonable at all. I'd be heading for bed and telling him to keep the noise down because I was ill and to not wake me in the morning when he took his children to school, as I was planning to stay in bed until I felt better.