To think he should have said no?

[OnlyTheHuffle]

I've been away for a week with friends on holiday and got back today. I'm really tired (early and long flight) and starting with a bad cold. I was looking forward to coming home and going to bed and not getting up until late tomorrow as I'm off work.

My husband knew how tired I was and that I was starting to feel unwell but when I got home it turned out he'd agreed to have DSC here tonight (not usually our night) so ex can go out.

I could do without that in itself as I'm knackered and was looking forward to a quiet night but the thing that's really annoyed me is I always have to take DSDs to school on our days as DHs work starts too early.

So this means I now have to get up early to take them to school too.

AIBU to be annoyed and say he should have said no, knowing I was tired and unwell? And to say he can go in work late to take them.

Christ, another one.

”Kids, don’t ever think you’re on the same level as my own. You are step children, you’ve watched enough Disney, you know where you rank in this family.”

Poor kids my arse.
Someone will take them to school, either their father or their mother. Oh boohoo the horror.

Poor kids alright, their Dad can’t even be bothered to drop them at school one time.

@SlightlyGeordieJohn - did you miss that the OP drops them at school every single time they stay?

And that the DH took a job because the OP said she could do it?

You do realise this is a one-off, where the DH unilaterally agreed to for a favour for his ex…………….?

I'll tell him he'll have to be late, I was just asking if I were being unreasonable beforehand as I imagine I will face complaints about how he'll have to be late.

Good! The only way he’ll learn that it’s not fair to spring this on you is if HE is inconvenienced by it.

I do, and that in no way makes up for the abhorrent “but they’re not mine”, clearly setting out the pecking order.

The OP should be thoroughly ashamed of that.

YANBU for not doing the school run in the morning when you weren't asked, he'll just have to start work late to take them himself

However, YABU to say he should have said no to having them because you're tired after coming back from a weeks holiday. They're his kids, it's also their home and if he wanted to see them he should be able to. As I said above though, he should be the one looking after them when they're there without expecting you to help

While you were on holidays your DC were with your parents to so your DH has basically had a weeks holiday at home on his own? (Plus going to work). Hisnwx could have gone out any night but the chosen night was the very night you came home.
Eh, feck that

When did he agree to have them? He may not have known that you were ill at that time.

@SlightlyGeordieJohn

I do, and that in no way makes up for the abhorrent “but they’re not mine”, clearly setting out the pecking order.

The OP should be thoroughly ashamed of that.

’But they’re not mine’ is a statement of fact , therefore not abhorrent.

Irrelevant. He should check with OP before volunteering her out.

Just say no. And if you cannot say no, or he will not respect that, you have a massive dh problem.

that in no way makes up for the abhorrent “but they’re not mine”

But they're not hers. And she would find that out very quickly if her and her partner were to split. She'd have absolutely no relationship if the parents didn't allow it.

Stepparents are supposed to love and care for them just as parents do, but with none of the security or say.

I don’t agree. Using the distinction as the reason is appalling. It implies that they need to know their place, which is clearly below her biological children.

Yes, they are supposed to, yet here we have someone who clearly lets them know that they are a step below her own.

No, it means getting the kids to school is the responsibility of the child’s parents, not any nearby woman you think should play mother Earth.

I would refuse to do the drop off. He has j right to volunteer your time because it's easier than saying no and doesn't inconvenience him. Inconvenience him this time and he won't do it again but just to be sure I would tell him that unless he consults you about changing the days his children are wth you then you will assume he is taking responsibility for getting them to school. If he respected you and saw your marriage as a partnership he would not make decisions which affect you without discussing it with you.

How close the school is and whether it would be easier to just be kind and comply is irrelevant, his behaviour is disrespectful and should not be rewarded just to avoid him complaining. Don't make a rod for your own back by doing it this once.

I don't volunteer DH, or volunteer to do something I cannot do myself. And vice versa. We ask each other first. That is common courtesy and respect.

And I'm afraid that DH here, would be getting a short sharp lesson in manners. He's going to be late for work. It's not the end of the world.

*I do, and that in no way makes up for the abhorrent “but they’re not mine”, clearly setting out the pecking order.

The OP should be thoroughly ashamed of that.*

Won't somebody think of the poor children for the love of god. Behave yourself. They AREN'T the OP's children. Why is she abhorrent for not wanting to be volunteered to do the donkey work on behalf of the children's 2 actual parents but the dad's responsibilities are just completely dismissed by you? If you insist on using such emotive language, just how abhorrent do you think the dad is?

Bet you would be reminding the OP that she ISN'T their parent if she was getting involved in what secondary school she thought they should go to or wanting to sit in on parents evenings or Mother's Day assemblies eh.

Are you on glue? Op is ill. She told her husband she is ill. Her husband instead arrange for her to get up early and drive his children to school.

To be honest, it doesn't seem to me to be that dreadful to take kids a short distance to school when (a) you've just had a holiday and (b) you've had a night's sleep to recover from the journey. I get it that they're not your kids, but you did agree to this arrangement in general and it's not unreasonable for your husband to think you would be OK with this. A cold is hardly the end of the world.

For what it's worth, my view is coloured by the fact that I was up all night on Saturday (in A&E with DD), felt lousy all of Sunday, but was back at work at 8.30 am on Monday. If all I had to do was take two kids to school before going back to bed again, it would have felt pretty luxurious.

A cold is hardly the end of the world.

A cold trumps my DH's ex wanting to go out!

Yes, but OP seems to think that the fact that he knew she was unwell is highly relevant. So it's quite relevant to know when he knew that and whether the arrangement had already been made at that point.

Tell him its one thing the kids being here but you are having a lie in and so he will need to arrange the school run between him and his ex.
Any complaints tell him ' that sounds like a YOU problem'

Isn’t it a remarkable coincidence that the ex’s night out corresponded with the night OP came home? Is there a possibility that ex asked DH to have the kids, and DH said that it could only be accommodated once OP was back, purely because she would be expected to do the school run?