To think he should have said no?

[OnlyTheHuffle]

I've been away for a week with friends on holiday and got back today. I'm really tired (early and long flight) and starting with a bad cold. I was looking forward to coming home and going to bed and not getting up until late tomorrow as I'm off work.

My husband knew how tired I was and that I was starting to feel unwell but when I got home it turned out he'd agreed to have DSC here tonight (not usually our night) so ex can go out.

I could do without that in itself as I'm knackered and was looking forward to a quiet night but the thing that's really annoyed me is I always have to take DSDs to school on our days as DHs work starts too early.

So this means I now have to get up early to take them to school too.

AIBU to be annoyed and say he should have said no, knowing I was tired and unwell? And to say he can go in work late to take them.

He's at work did you miss that bit for the most of us going in late isn't an option it's not a case of CBA

Some of us in possession of uteruses work too. And have to sort childcare out. At. The. Same. Time. Like animals.

We don't have handy support-humans so we can throw our hands up and say 'not an option'.

If he couldn't do it, he had the option to say no to his ex.

Don't make promises you can't keep then. It's 1+1 stuff.

If going in late genuinely isn’t an option as a one-off (sounds like a shit job), then why on earth did he agree to do the favour, and have his kids unexpectedly?!

We don't have handy support-humans so we can throw our hands up and say 'not an option'.

A gay friend of mine said to me once, semi-jokingly, that one of the worst aspects of being gay is that you don’t get a wife.

I was like, mate - it’s also one of the worst part of being a woman. We don’t get one, either. In fact….

You’ve got to feel sorry for the poor men, having to go off to work and being Too Busy And Important for mere life minutiae.

Caveat for the hard-of-thinking, who need it spelled out: not all men are like this. In fact, many aren’t. I recommend getting hold of, and partnering up with, one of the ones that isn’t like this.

@SlightlyGeordieJohn

they aren’t her kids

their dad can take them

enjoy your lie in op

I was like, mate - it’s also one of the worst part of being a woman. We don’t get one, either. In fact….

my friends and I were rosy coming this recently! I am single and straight but I would live a wife.

someone who thinks about everything and plans everything and does everything.

in this case the man agreed to have his children knowing full well he couldn’t get them to school. but he has a wife! She will of course do it! No need to even ask.

if he was single would he never look after his children?

i am depressed by how many women here seem to not only accept that but are cross that a step mother has more responsibility towards the children than their actual father.

Then he shouldn’t have agreed to have them over.

@OnlyTheHuffle - your last post was 👍👌👍. I hope he will think twice before volunteering you.

@OnlyTheHuffle Good! Glad you got your lie-in and your DH had to do the school run. Apart from anything else, maybe that will make him think twice about checking with you next time before he merrily volunteers you for something without asking!

Perfect result. Hope you're feeling better now

Good for you op. I'm very much of the opinion that noone gets to volunteer my time without asking me. No matter the circumstances or relationships with the people involved.

You want me to do something, you ask me. The end.

My DH asked me if I would mind taking a detour on the way home from work tonight to collect DSD. He said please and everything. He'd already agreed with his ex she was coming tonight, as is his right, it's his home and his child. But crucially he did not just tell me to go and get her or i would tell him absolutely not.
So of course I'm happy to collect her as I was treated respectfully and it saves her mum and dad a tonne of hassle against only a bit of extra hassle for me.
Everyone is a winner.
I'm so sad in my respectful, mutually respectful marriage. So sad.

Go to your bed. Have a long lie. Not your problem. He'll have to go to work late.

I now have to get up early to take them to school too.

I don't think that this is true. How about saying 'who has been arranged to take them to school tomorrow? I was glad you didn't ask me to do do'

I know it'll be made out to not be a big deal because schools not far

It will be easy enough for someone else to do it, then, won't it?

He should be inconvenienced by this. I doubt being in late once over a lifetime's career will not have any significant repercussions.

Next time he agrees to something like this, being inconvenienced this time round might just be the push he needs to remember to check next time. Deciding unilaterally that your very generous offer to take them to school is not a blanket yes to your taking them anytime he might want to do his ex a favour. That's really not on.

Imaging how this might work at work. Someone agreed to do something and then just assumes someone else will do it. Wouldn't happen, would it. Because without checking how do you know the other person will be available.

I'm sorry you aren't already crystal clear about this. It suggests that you are perhaps a bit of a push over whose generous nature is taken advantage of. Arranging to go away when your DC is away, assuming you have to take DSC to school in this situation without being asked

How much of the household/child rearing burden does he really carry.

Might be worth a chat.

he did not just tell me to go and get her or i would tell him absolutely not.

This a million times.

Please @OnlyTheHuffle start expecting more from your DH and let him step up to the plate. Your relationship will be the better for it.