To think he should have said no?

[OnlyTheHuffle]

I've been away for a week with friends on holiday and got back today. I'm really tired (early and long flight) and starting with a bad cold. I was looking forward to coming home and going to bed and not getting up until late tomorrow as I'm off work.

My husband knew how tired I was and that I was starting to feel unwell but when I got home it turned out he'd agreed to have DSC here tonight (not usually our night) so ex can go out.

I could do without that in itself as I'm knackered and was looking forward to a quiet night but the thing that's really annoyed me is I always have to take DSDs to school on our days as DHs work starts too early.

So this means I now have to get up early to take them to school too.

AIBU to be annoyed and say he should have said no, knowing I was tired and unwell? And to say he can go in work late to take them.

But they aren't her kids, he can't just volunteer her to do something unilaterally for kids that aren't hers!

No but when he took this job I agreed I'd do school runs so they didn't have to go to an early breakfast club. I didn't expect that to be just any old day without telling or asking though!

He shouldn't have told mum he could watch them then. He'll have to get up super early and drop them off at hers early so she can do the school run.

Maybe time to revisit that and they can go to breakfast club..

Tomorrow he will have to take them to breakfast club then. I would absolutely say oh that's nice do you have the full day off tomorrow or just the morning. When he looks at you dumb just say so you can take them to school? When he starts spluttering about you taking them just tell him you weren't consulted and had no idea they were staying and you're unwell and intend to get up at lunch time.

Don't back down or he will think it's ok to repeat and take advantage.

Do this!

I don’t understand the problem here, OP?

Are you scared of your husband?

He’s agreed to have his kids unexpectedly.

You say he will need to drop them to school tomorrow.

This is a non-issue in a normal, healthy, mutually-reciprocal relationship.

The fact that you’re posting here to vent instead of talking to your DH suggests you’re not even going to ask him, or if you do, you’re simply going to roll over and do as he wants.

So - that’s your actual issue here. Not your DH saying yes (instead of no) to having his kids.

I think unreasonable to expect him to say no given it’s his child and should be like a second home to them, but very reasonable for you to say you’re not doing the school run etc.

You’re tired from your holiday and have a cold - so YABU as you can just have an early night.

Under different circumstances it would maybe be different.

Did he not look after your shared child whilst you went away?
If not then does he have form for this?

He should never be agreeing to have them without consulting you since that requires you to do the school run.

Time to review the no breakfast club agreement, he's taking you for granted.

Did he not look after your shared child whilst you went away?

No, they are away with my parents until tomorrow afternoon which is why I chose this week to go away myself.

OK - so just tell him he’s doing the school run in the morning.

problem solved.

Tell him you will not be well enough to take them so he will have to sort out other arrangements. Go straight to your room when you get home and enjoy a quiet evening and a lie in

This is such a non issue. Tell DH that you will not be available to bring his DC to school tomorrow. He will need to do it. Tell him that he agreed to have them over and did not consult you in advance regarding it and you have plans to lie-in tomorrow. If he wanted to do a favour for his ex, then that is his choice but he can't then expect you to actually do the favour for him.

they can go to breakfast club, he can get to work on time, you can have your lie in. simple.

Can he get them in breakfast club last minute and drop turn himself? I agree with others, he’ll have to be late to work or come up with a different plan if you don’t want to do it. He can’t volunteer you to do a favour without consulting you and your reason for saying no is reasonable.

Tbh I’d probably just take them, but I’m a bit of a pushover with things like this.

I think it’s unreasonable of him to commit you to something without checking with you, and I don’t think you’re unreasonable to say no.

However, I do think you’re unreasonable, coming back from your lovely jolly whinging about being tired and ill.

Clearly it’s absolutely impossible for the OP to ask her DH to drop his child to school when doing his ex a last-minute, unilaterally-decided favour.

No is a complete sentence

coming back from your lovely jolly whinging about being tired and ill

Are people not allowed to be tired and unwell if they've been on holiday?

Re the breakfast club for full disclosure, the reason they don't go is because there are some suspected SEN issues with the youngest, it's hard enough to get her to school as it is, breakfast club was the biggest of all melt downs, absolutely hates it so I agreed I'd take them to avoid this when he got this job that meant he starts earlier.

I'll tell him he'll have to be late, I was just asking if I were being unreasonable beforehand as I imagine I will face complaints about how he'll have to be late.

Oh my goodness, OP.

None of this explains why your husband can’t just drop his own child off once, as a one off!

Well, he will be late.

So what? He agreed to the favour, he puts himself out.

Tell oh you're going to bed early, and if he wants DS to be at school tomorrow he will have to drop him off.

Go to bed and on the way tell him you are feeling ill and he's going to have to take them to school in the morning

It's fine for him to decide last minute he's having them imo but he needs to be the one looking after them and taking them to achoo if you aren't up to it