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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should have said no?

214 replies

OnlyTheHuffle · 24/05/2022 18:40

I've been away for a week with friends on holiday and got back today. I'm really tired (early and long flight) and starting with a bad cold. I was looking forward to coming home and going to bed and not getting up until late tomorrow as I'm off work.

My husband knew how tired I was and that I was starting to feel unwell but when I got home it turned out he'd agreed to have DSC here tonight (not usually our night) so ex can go out.

I could do without that in itself as I'm knackered and was looking forward to a quiet night but the thing that's really annoyed me is I always have to take DSDs to school on our days as DHs work starts too early.

So this means I now have to get up early to take them to school too.

AIBU to be annoyed and say he should have said no, knowing I was tired and unwell? And to say he can go in work late to take them.

OP posts:
whatstheteamarie · 24/05/2022 20:29

If he complains about being late, ask him what he thought would happen when he said yes to having the kids.

If he says he assumed you would take them, that is a good time to point out he needs to ask if you're available before offering your time out to people or scheduling it himself.

This is not your problem to resolve it's his alone and he should be able to resolve it himself or not offer the favour in the first place.

SomersetONeil · 24/05/2022 20:30

I imagine I will face complaints about how he'll have to be late.

I can stone-cold guarantee he is not fretting away, and posting on Dadsnet, worrying about ‘facing complaints’ from you!? Grin

So why are you worried?

You’re taking on all this fretting and worrying for something HE organised and agreed.

He’s expecting (not asking) you to do your ex and his kids a favour - and isn’t in the least bit worried.

Think about it.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 24/05/2022 20:35

SomersetONeil · 24/05/2022 20:30

I imagine I will face complaints about how he'll have to be late.

I can stone-cold guarantee he is not fretting away, and posting on Dadsnet, worrying about ‘facing complaints’ from you!? Grin

So why are you worried?

You’re taking on all this fretting and worrying for something HE organised and agreed.

He’s expecting (not asking) you to do your ex and his kids a favour - and isn’t in the least bit worried.

Think about it.

Exactly this.

He organised it.

They're his kids.

He needs to sort it.

You stay in bed the whole day and let him sort his kids out.

If he complains, tell him he should've consulted with you first.

Next time maybe he'll involve you before making the decision

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/05/2022 20:37

Can you not just drop your dsd then go back to bed? You’re a partnership.

SomersetONeil · 24/05/2022 20:38

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/05/2022 20:37

Can you not just drop your dsd then go back to bed? You’re a partnership.

Can HE not drop his own kids and go on to work?

They’re a partnership.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/05/2022 20:38

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/05/2022 20:37

Can you not just drop your dsd then go back to bed? You’re a partnership.

They're clearly not since she wasn't worth consulting.

Threetulips · 24/05/2022 20:39

Can you not just drop your dsd then go back to bed? You’re a partnership

Doesn’t that suggest that you discuss and agree that changes to the schedule?

How did he manage when you were away OP? Did he have the children and go to work late or not have them at all?

Youseethethingis1 · 24/05/2022 20:43

Can you not just drop your dsd then go back to bed? You’re a partnership
If OP has no say in the decision and must do as he says that's not a partnership, it's a dictatorship.

HTH1 · 24/05/2022 20:52

I would have said you were being unreasonable if they were your own DC but they’re not. So tough luck, his DC and he volunteered so he can deal with the issue he created (HIS ex wanting to go out is massively not your problem).

Hobbitfeet32 · 24/05/2022 20:53

Guess it depends on how much you like each other. Yes it may be inconvenient but after a weeks holiday it would be kind to drop the children off. Sometimes my DH asks me to do him a favour and vice versa. We usually do help each other out because we are a partnership. Occasionally my friend asks me to drop off/pick up her child if either parent is otherwise held up or had to work later. I usually help if I can and again, vice versa.

littlemousebigcheese · 24/05/2022 20:57

please dont give in. it's easy to just do it but why should you

AskingforaBaskin · 24/05/2022 21:00

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/05/2022 20:37

Can you not just drop your dsd then go back to bed? You’re a partnership.

Ew. No

CheshireChat · 24/05/2022 21:04

@Hobbitfeet32 but the main issue is that he didn't ask, he just arranged it with his ex and expected the OP to comply.

Completely different if he had double checked with the OP first and she'd have agreed to do it as a nice gesture.

MarvellousMay · 24/05/2022 21:07

What would he have done if your flight was delayed and you didn’t get back in time?!

That’s what he needs to do.

PinkSyCo · 24/05/2022 21:07

Sod that. Tell the cheeky sod he’ll either have to go in late to work or tell his ex to pick their DC up early in the morning and take him to school herself.

Veol · 24/05/2022 21:11

He agreed to do his ex a favour and you have to decide if you want to do him a favour. You married someone with a kid, so I guess it depends how ill you feel.

Binsk · 24/05/2022 21:14

He's not unreasonable to have his kids, but it was his decision, you weren't involved in it, therefore he should take them to school in the morning. You weren't expecting to have to do the school run and you're unwell, he needs to sort it out himself. He may have to let work know he'll be late, but that's the nature of having kids - sometimes you may be late, others it's a last minute day off due to illness/childcare issues.

ILoveMyLifeToday · 24/05/2022 21:15

YANBU he will have to be late in.

AndSoFinally · 24/05/2022 21:18

Can he not just drop them to his ex first thing and she take them to school? She still gets to go out but does the school run as it's her day?

gamerchick · 24/05/2022 21:18

Do it. Let the fact he deliberately didn't tell you to fuel the lesson he has to learn.

Somehow I think you'll do it as he completely takes you for granted though. Time for change if that happens.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/05/2022 21:22

Complaints? I hope he wouldn’t dare. They’re his kids, he didn’t even discuss with you them staying an extra night as a favour to his ex. He’s not treating you like an equal partner or member of the household which is bad enough, complaining you don’t behave life staff would be worthy of divorce.

Hapoydayz · 24/05/2022 21:26

Why can’t he simply be late to work due to childcare issues? Women are not the only ones able to do this. The amount of times on teams during lockdown men that worked for me and didn’t hit mute said they couldn’t do something as had an important meeting was shocking! Managed a few times to hopefully say loud enough to hear they didn’t have a meeting at that time.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 24/05/2022 21:30

OnlyTheHuffle · 24/05/2022 19:27

if my husband came back from a week away and said he was too tired to do the school run, I would be telling him to do one (they are his kids)

But these aren't my kids?

Poor kids. “I’d care if you were mine, but you are step children, so I’m having a lie-in.”

SomersetONeil · 24/05/2022 21:32

Hobbitfeet32 · 24/05/2022 20:53

Guess it depends on how much you like each other. Yes it may be inconvenient but after a weeks holiday it would be kind to drop the children off. Sometimes my DH asks me to do him a favour and vice versa. We usually do help each other out because we are a partnership. Occasionally my friend asks me to drop off/pick up her child if either parent is otherwise held up or had to work later. I usually help if I can and again, vice versa.

Well he obviously doesn’t like the OP very much, since he hasn’t even bothered his arse to ask her if it’s OK with her to drop them.

And he clearly plans to complain to her when she’s not delighted to do it.

Anyway. It’s quite clear that the OP is going to get up and drop them to school, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/05/2022 21:32

Guess it depends on how much you like each other.

Yes. If he liked her to wouldn't volunteer her for jobs, without asking, in order to facilitate his ex.