To be freaked out in the changing room

[Magenta82]

I take DD to a baby swim class at the local franchised out council gym, she enjoys it, the teacher is lovely and it is much cheaper than the waterbabies class we used to do.

The only snag is that the pool changing rooms are unisex, there are cubicals but there are massive gaps at the bottom. If I wanted a single sex space I would have to use the gym changing rooms then walk to and from the pool through public areas, not ideal in swimwear with a wiggly wet baby.

Today we were getting changed after the lesson when a man went into the cubical next to us, it was pretty empty so there were loads of free cubicles. I continued getting dressed but after a while I started hearing really loud grunts, groans and heavy breathing.

It freaked me out, I had a really strong, panicky, fearful visceral reaction. I finished as quickly as I could and rushed out of there shaking. I asked at reception if there were any single sex spaces and was told no, but the lady asked if I was ok and got the manager. I explained what had happened and said of course he could have just been out of breath but that it really scared me.

Some staff went to check it out and it turns out it was a really unfit older man who was struggling to get his clothes and shoes on. They saw him and didn't speak with him as it was obvious he was struggling.

I feel really stupid for overreacting, the gym staff were really kind and understanding but I still feel stupid. The worst part is it has taken hours for me to calm down and for the adrenaline to recede.

I ache all over because of the way I panicked and tensed because some poor man couldn't get dressed easily!

Maybe have a chat with your GP about overreacting to situations.

You should be very embarrassed for assuming the worst. You could have really caused a scene for the man. Have a word with yourself.

The worst part is it has taken hours for me to calm down and for the adrenaline to recede.
I ache all over because of the way I panicked and tensed because some poor man couldn't get dressed easily!
I'd have a word with your GP if a panic attack is lasting for hours. I'm also not sure why you ache all over because of this incident.

I think you were already feeling vulnerable due to the mixed sex changing rooms. When you're already on edge it's easy to have a physiological reaction to perceived danger.

I'm glad it was not what you thought in the end and I hope you manage to find a way to carry on attending.

I understand why you felt scared at the time. Anyone who thinks men don't wank in public places and don't get a thrill out of knowing they're scaring women is an idiot.

On this occasion you were wrong. It doesn't mean your fear at the time was unreasonable.

That said, you might benefit from seeing if there are techniques to help you calm down because it must be bloody awful for you.

You did nothing wrong and I completely understand.

This is why changing rooms need to be single sex but it’s much cheaper to have unisex but obviously a crap inconvenience for lots of people. I think that this corner cutting will just lead to people opting out of sports which is a shame.

It's been nearly five years since I last went swimming, but all the pool's I've been to in probably last 15 years were like this. Unisex cubicles.

I understand men wank in places like this. Believe me so do women!

That's a bit mean.

Sounds really overdramatic. Before I'd even finished reading the post, I thought "it's probably just someone struggling to get out of a swimsuit".

I prefer mixed sex changing rooms at the pool as long as there are cubicles. I find it much easier as a family. I don't assume every man is a weirdo though.

Oh right.

Perhaps you’d be better off at a David Lloyd.

What was a man without a baby doing at a baby swimming class?

I had better not go swimming, I have rheumatoid arthritis, my knees, feet and ankles might as well be made of wood, and my hands and fingers are also very stiff. I have recently realised I puff and grunt and groan when trying to get socks and shoes on, it takes several attempts and I also mutter and swear a lot as it is so frustrating. I would hate to frighten anyone! You don't realise when you are young and supple, just how difficult it is to get dressed, sometimes I have to have a lie down after dressing, before I carry on with my day😂

Changing Villages are much better for families.
You only need to look at the number of really long threads on MN on tweens having to go into changing rooms alone to understand why parents prefer mixed sex but cubicle changing facilities.

Good Lord, I don't know what to say. Are people really this terrified of men? We have unisex changing rooms at our swimming pool. I've never thought anything of it or thought about the gaps under the door. I really find it unlikely that a man would lie/crouch on the floor, in a public space to catch a glimpse of a woman getting changed.

It's all very well to criticise the OP but historically changing rooms have been separated by sex for a reason. It may seem very modern to do away with such separation but women who have suffered sexual abuse and Jewish, Sikh and Muslim men and women are then being discriminated against.

Some of the comments here are quite unkind

None of us were there op so we don't know what it was like, I'm sorry you were freaked out

Our pool is unisex too, I was surprised that it doesn't bother me at all, although it's always busy when I go so maybe I'd feel different

That is a bit of an over reaction. The poor guy just wanted to have a swim. It sounds like a similar set up to where I used to go with DC. Parent and Baby swim class in the training pool, unisex changing rooms, others swimming in the big pool. Just get on with what you and your DC are doing and don't worry about others

I understand not wanting to share a changing room with men, but the strength and length of your response seem like a post trauma reaction. Do you have any unresolved trauma in your history?

I totally get why you were freaked out and to be honest I don't understand the replies that are saying otherwise and that the problem is with you, OP.
Hope you're OK now x

Some really nasty responses on here that totally ignore that DP is a new mum with her baby and therefore more likely to feel vulnerable.

I would have found grunting alarming too. Not disproportionate at all.

Yes, they are. Because a lot of women have been abused by men. Have you never read any of the threads on here about the lengths women go to feel safe - not walking alone at night, avoiding places that feel unsafe (and they're not all dark alleys).

I worked in a number of women's refuges over the years and most of the women wouldn't have gone swimming if there were mixed sex changing rooms.

Good Lord, I don't know what to say. Are people really this terrified of men?

So are you not aware that men assault, rape, beat, and kill women?