To be freaked out in the changing room

[Magenta82]

I take DD to a baby swim class at the local franchised out council gym, she enjoys it, the teacher is lovely and it is much cheaper than the waterbabies class we used to do.

The only snag is that the pool changing rooms are unisex, there are cubicals but there are massive gaps at the bottom. If I wanted a single sex space I would have to use the gym changing rooms then walk to and from the pool through public areas, not ideal in swimwear with a wiggly wet baby.

Today we were getting changed after the lesson when a man went into the cubical next to us, it was pretty empty so there were loads of free cubicles. I continued getting dressed but after a while I started hearing really loud grunts, groans and heavy breathing.

It freaked me out, I had a really strong, panicky, fearful visceral reaction. I finished as quickly as I could and rushed out of there shaking. I asked at reception if there were any single sex spaces and was told no, but the lady asked if I was ok and got the manager. I explained what had happened and said of course he could have just been out of breath but that it really scared me.

Some staff went to check it out and it turns out it was a really unfit older man who was struggling to get his clothes and shoes on. They saw him and didn't speak with him as it was obvious he was struggling.

I feel really stupid for overreacting, the gym staff were really kind and understanding but I still feel stupid. The worst part is it has taken hours for me to calm down and for the adrenaline to recede.

I ache all over because of the way I panicked and tensed because some poor man couldn't get dressed easily!

I'm sorry you felt so scared today, you obviously are quite fearful of mixed sex changing rooms.

However, I am really grateful my local council swim baths have mixed sex changing rooms. My son is of an age where he would be in the male change rooms if they were single sex but due to autism and dyspraxia requires more help than an average child of his age. I would also struggle to have him alone in a social situation where I couldn't go in and check on him.

I believe the benefits to families is far, far greater than the risks of a sexual predator.

I understand there is still a risk but I'd much rather take the risk in a shared space where I can be outside his cubicle or he can be in with me, than have children 8+ without a parent in single sex spaces.

I am not naked in a confined space with a man making groaning noises next to me on a daily basis.

Don't they have family cubicles any more?

Presumably swimming in the pool, not at the class?
At all the pools we've been to, the baby/kids classes are done in the kids pool and the main pool is still open for anyone wanting to swim.

Both the pools we take our baby to only have unisex "family" changing rooms, no single sex ones. It doesn't bother me because there's cubicles that lock, the way I see it is if someone was going to look under/over the cubicle and see something then they would have no problem just walking in to a women's only changing room and doing the same thing.

It does sound over the top talking to the staff and manager and could have really got someone in to trouble who was just struggling but you can't help the way you felt OP. It sounds as though you panicked and your fight or flight kicked in. Our protective instincts also kick in when we have our babies with us. Try to forget about it and move on now, dwelling will just make you feel worse about it

Such a disingenuous question...
There's every reason to be wary of men in a situation where you are both in a state of undress with a thin partition between you.

Council pools will often have babies' sessions in a training pool and other sessions in a main pool. There could easily be multiple pool uses/ demographics going on at the same time in a larger centre.

At my pool there is a small training pool which they use for classes like that, then a bigger 25m pool. Sometimes the baby/family classes are on at the same time as the lane swimming sessions, or people who have been using the gym also want to get changed (no separate gym changing rooms).

Cross post with @BogRollBOGOF 😅

I feel really stupid for the overreaction, but I didn't panic on purpose, it wasn't a deliberate act.

However hearing a woman next to me making similar sounds would not have caused me to panic, I would not have had the same reaction in a single sex space.

And are you aware that women are also capable of beating and killing? And that the majority of men don't do this?
Ridiculous statement.

Changing villages are great for families, or they would be if there were not so many men commiting sexual assault in them. 90% of assaults at swimming pools are in mixed facilities.

Unfortunately there are a small number of men who take advantage of poor privacy in places such as mixed sex changing villages for their own gratification.

Fortunately that wasn't the case on this occasion.

Alternatively as it was an older person struggling, if he'd have been struggling much more, it may have been worth the staff doing a welfare check on him anyway.

How convenient.

But they DO. And put cameras over and under. You've led a sheltered life if you've mnissed the stories about this in the press.

I think you’ve read far too much mumsnet and then over reacted. There is a fairly reasonable reason he was breathing that way. No need for you to panic - you were in your own cubicle and he was in his. Ridiculous.

I would have had the same reaction. But I have had someone openly masturbate in public looking at me so would naturally link back to that.
OP I am afraid people either understand the fear or they don’t which is why you’ve had such mixed reactions here. You were in a vulnerable state and went into panic mode, it is a natural response. Hindsight is pointless in these scenarios. The adrenaline in your body doesn’t immediately go away, it naturally takes time. Him going into the next cubicle didn’t help, it’s no different to someone ignoring an empty seat on the bus to sit with you.

And are you aware that women are also capable of beating and killing? And that the majority of men don't do this?

Women are capable of violent crime but about 99% of the people in prison for it are men. Unless women are better at getting away with it...

The majority of men do not commit crimes but the vast majority of violent, sexual (and any, really, perhaps apart from non-payment of TV licences) criminals are men, and there are a significant enough minority of abusers, offenders, stalkers, harassers, wankers, rapists, to cause women a problem on a daily basis.

Not all men. But actually, quite a lot of them.

I would access some counselling if I was you. A female could have easily done the same or done what you think they might have been.

People in normal life aren’t and we coexist pretty well.

people on MN are absolutely bizarre about them

Agreed

Unless we're about to get a huge dripfeed backstory, then that's a tremendous overreaction.

Like a lot of women I've been through a few things, I thought it was mostly resolved, but something about today really made me react.

The majority of men may not do this but the majority of women have had experiences of men doing this, so why wouldn't they be afraid?

Did this trigger something for you? Only this is an extreme reaction I think.

Oh god not namalt again. 🤦

No. Not all men. Or most men. But any man.

And until we are allowed to tattoo abusive men and fit them with a cow bell and perhaps a neon flashing arrow pointing at their head and an alarm that goes beep beep risky male approaching beep beep risky male approaching then there are certain situations where women feel vulnerable, are at risk and quite understandably unwilling to accept that they'll probably be ok cos namalt and if they are assaulted in any way well, 🤷‍♀️ shit happens but at least no man got his fee-fees hurt.