To be freaked out in the changing room

[Magenta82]

I take DD to a baby swim class at the local franchised out council gym, she enjoys it, the teacher is lovely and it is much cheaper than the waterbabies class we used to do.

The only snag is that the pool changing rooms are unisex, there are cubicals but there are massive gaps at the bottom. If I wanted a single sex space I would have to use the gym changing rooms then walk to and from the pool through public areas, not ideal in swimwear with a wiggly wet baby.

Today we were getting changed after the lesson when a man went into the cubical next to us, it was pretty empty so there were loads of free cubicles. I continued getting dressed but after a while I started hearing really loud grunts, groans and heavy breathing.

It freaked me out, I had a really strong, panicky, fearful visceral reaction. I finished as quickly as I could and rushed out of there shaking. I asked at reception if there were any single sex spaces and was told no, but the lady asked if I was ok and got the manager. I explained what had happened and said of course he could have just been out of breath but that it really scared me.

Some staff went to check it out and it turns out it was a really unfit older man who was struggling to get his clothes and shoes on. They saw him and didn't speak with him as it was obvious he was struggling.

I feel really stupid for overreacting, the gym staff were really kind and understanding but I still feel stupid. The worst part is it has taken hours for me to calm down and for the adrenaline to recede.

I ache all over because of the way I panicked and tensed because some poor man couldn't get dressed easily!

Beat me to it.

For gods sake, ask the people telling her she's over reacted, give your head a wobble. Heavy breathing in a mixed sex changing room and I'd think he was wanking and be horrified too. This is EXACTLY why women should have single sex spaces. I don't want a cubicle where I can hear a man heavy breathing and groaning. The man that repeatedly raped me as a child grunted and groaned all over me breathing in my face and even thinking about being semi undressed and hearing that from a stranger ( on the other side of a shit flimsy cubicle) makes me want to actually vomit. Add a baby into the mix and id be even more scared/worried/terrified.

I think that could be part of it, I guess having DD there made me feel more vulnerable and less able to deal with what was happening.

I really find it unlikely that a man would lie/crouch on the floor, in a public space to catch a glimpse of a woman getting changed

You are badly informed and naive then, @SallyWD. Google it and learn something.

90% of all violent crime - against anyone - is committed by men.
98% of all sexual crime is committed by men.

So whilst it's 'not all men', it's pretty much ALWAYS men.

Nothing about the post is fake and not everything is about trans people.

I'll bet the majority of women have never had any sort of problem like that with men. It's just that the women on here seem to be ridiculously scared of every man they encounter and they blow it out of all proportion.

I agree with judge

Sometimes we can't help how our bodies respond

And yes I do have a friend who was in one of those cubicles and while naked realised that a man had put his head under, at the same changing area teenage males had been peering over the top and yelling at the females.

You can Google, there are dozens and dozens , hundreds, of cases where men have covertly filmed, spied, exposed themselves etc on women in communal changing rooms and toilets.

What I don't like is when there is a seat in the cubicle, I've had two lads standing on that looking over the top when I was starkers. It's very disturbing! If they want these kind of changing rooms they should at least design them to be able to have total privacy.

I don't avoid mixed changing rooms but I am extremely aware of where men are in them and what they might be doing, particularly if I were there with DDs as well. I don't blame the OP for reporting what she heard.

I've never once encouraged single sex cubicle changing rooms, there's often single sex communal changing rooms but the cubicles are always mixed in my experience.

I do see the benefits, however it shouldn't be impossible to provide three areas when they plan the space. Sectioning off single sex areas would only really need a few more walls, not more space as the area is huge.

As soon as you said grunts and heavy breathing I knew he was struggling to get his clothes on. I feel similarly at the moment due to being 8 months pregnant.

www.theweek.co.uk/93363/man-found-dead-in-ladies-toilet-wall-climbed-inside-and-got-stuck
This man literally died in his pursuit to spy on women, so I’m pretty sure kneeling down on a changing room floor and using a mobile phone to film women is child’s play to some men.

It's just that the women on here seem to be ridiculously scared of every man they encounter and they blow it out of all proportion

Just the women on mumsnet?

All of them?

Or just like life some are and some aren't?

"I'll bet the majority of women have never had any sort of problem like that with men. It's just that the women on here seem to be ridiculously scared of every man they encounter and they blow it out of all proportion."

I'll take that bet.

I have been assaulted, abused and attacked. I've had my breasts groped on the bus and my genitals groped in a pub. I've been flashed at. Made to perform sexual acts I did not want to. Been followed. Shall I go on?

I'm 48. The first assault on me happened when I was 12.

I think you'll find that the vast majority of women have experienced such things at the hands of men.

Yep and there are 67,000,000 people in the country and half are probably male so 100s is a very small %

I don’t blame you for thinking the worst OP, that’s the sad state of the world we live in. For the most part I expect the “worst” in men until proven otherwise and everything I have experienced in life so far has taught me this is the safest way. That doesn’t mean I go around feeling traumatised at the sight of men and think they’re all predators but I’d probably have come to a similar conclusion to you OP.

you raised it with staff, everything is okay, no harm done.

Plenty of classes just rope off a small section of the 'big' pool or have a separate shallow pool.

So are you not aware that men assault, rape, beat, and kill women?

Are you aware that 99.9999% of men do nothing of the sort?

We were in the baby pool, there was lane swimming in the main pool.

@RaspberryChouxBuns I made a lot of noises putting my jeans and then my socks this morning, I'm 7 months pregnant and the struggle is real!!

OP that was a very extreme reaction imo. Last time I went swimming it was just lines of changing cubicles in a large area, I think that is standard in many places. Single sex changing facilities usually mean one communal room like at the gym. I prefer the 1st option. Could you change in the toilets? I think you need to speak to your GP or someone about managing that panic though.

And yes I am well aware unfortunately what men can do, but I am also aware that most men are not like that. I've had 3 lets call them 'bad' situations I've had millions of encounters with men in my life.

Yes
and it happens a lot
and for some of us, once is enough to be terrified
and for many women, it did result in something worse.

"unlikely that a man would lie/crouch on the floor, in a public space to catch a glimpse of a woman getting changed." 🤦

Two words..."upskirt websites"

I don't know whether to laugh or cry, I really don't.

You could do a two second Google and come up with enough news reports of different men doing this that it'd take you years to read them all.

Unlikely indeed. 🙄