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Original poster

To be freaked out in the changing room

271 replies

Magenta82 · 24/05/2022 15:02

I take DD to a baby swim class at the local franchised out council gym, she enjoys it, the teacher is lovely and it is much cheaper than the waterbabies class we used to do.

The only snag is that the pool changing rooms are unisex, there are cubicals but there are massive gaps at the bottom. If I wanted a single sex space I would have to use the gym changing rooms then walk to and from the pool through public areas, not ideal in swimwear with a wiggly wet baby.

Today we were getting changed after the lesson when a man went into the cubical next to us, it was pretty empty so there were loads of free cubicles. I continued getting dressed but after a while I started hearing really loud grunts, groans and heavy breathing.

It freaked me out, I had a really strong, panicky, fearful visceral reaction. I finished as quickly as I could and rushed out of there shaking. I asked at reception if there were any single sex spaces and was told no, but the lady asked if I was ok and got the manager. I explained what had happened and said of course he could have just been out of breath but that it really scared me.

Some staff went to check it out and it turns out it was a really unfit older man who was struggling to get his clothes and shoes on. They saw him and didn't speak with him as it was obvious he was struggling.

I feel really stupid for overreacting, the gym staff were really kind and understanding but I still feel stupid. The worst part is it has taken hours for me to calm down and for the adrenaline to recede.

I ache all over because of the way I panicked and tensed because some poor man couldn't get dressed easily!

OP posts:
Blarting · 25/05/2022 12:26

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 25/05/2022 12:20

So he didn't do it. Oh - he might have done it but it's now the OP's responsibility to adjust her behaviour to accommodate a (likely) wanker. There's a variation on this pattern, and it goes like this.

Well she needs to avoid having panic attacks whilst in charge of a one year old, that's priority.

But that's just me, I'd prioritise that and walk what could only be 2 mins further.

Blarting · 25/05/2022 12:27

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 25/05/2022 12:20

So he didn't do it. Oh - he might have done it but it's now the OP's responsibility to adjust her behaviour to accommodate a (likely) wanker. There's a variation on this pattern, and it goes like this.

Why is he a likely wanker; OP was comfortable he wasn't?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/05/2022 12:27

If you were already in the cubicle changing how did you know it was a man going in next to you. And if you saw him, did you not realise he was an elderly unfit man?

SallyWD · 25/05/2022 12:31

Both OP and the staff there felt confident that he was an elderly, unfit man just breathing heavily/grunting. Why has it suddenly been decided that he was likely to have been wanking?

Blarting · 25/05/2022 12:43

SallyWD · 25/05/2022 12:31

Both OP and the staff there felt confident that he was an elderly, unfit man just breathing heavily/grunting. Why has it suddenly been decided that he was likely to have been wanking?

Because it was a man! So he just must have been wanking.

FunnyTalks · 25/05/2022 13:12

www.thesun.co.uk/news/7121900/kids-soft-play-boss-caught-filming-schoolgirls-peepholes-public-swimming-pool/

Didn't happen here either! Nor was he also recording the women and children in the loos at the soft play centre he owned.

If you read the article you will note this man was recorded on cctv as often swimming at the same time as school children and following them through the mixed sex showers and into the mixed sex changing. Did the staff notice this behaviour and raise any alarm? No doubt the abuse apologists on this thread would have berated them for doing so. "He was just there to swim."

It has become unfashionable to allow women to notice the patterns abusive males take.

BTW I used to swim at that pool. I've since found a different one with single sex changing. Mixed sex showers are awful. How the hell are you supposed to wash chlorine off your body? It forms a chemical bond with the skin and needs soap. How many women are going to feel comfortable soaping their body in front of male strangers?

Blarting · 25/05/2022 13:26

@FunnyTalks @SallyWD @Mandodari

So what is your suggestion for OP?

1 Carry on using the unisex option
2 Use the single sex option
3 Go to water babies
4 Stop swimming

The pool provides a single sex option, so why doesn't she use that?

So she has to walk two minutes further, but that's not acceptable?

So she now has to campaign for the pool to change the nearest change room to a single sex?

You have to understand that many many pools offer unisex changing, it suits some people. That's unlikely to change.

Original poster
Magenta82 · 25/05/2022 13:51

Blarting · 25/05/2022 13:26

@FunnyTalks @SallyWD @Mandodari

So what is your suggestion for OP?

1 Carry on using the unisex option
2 Use the single sex option
3 Go to water babies
4 Stop swimming

The pool provides a single sex option, so why doesn't she use that?

So she has to walk two minutes further, but that's not acceptable?

So she now has to campaign for the pool to change the nearest change room to a single sex?

You have to understand that many many pools offer unisex changing, it suits some people. That's unlikely to change.

Its not just two minutes longer it is out in public at the other end of the building where I would be in a wet swimsuit and towel with a wet baby in a swimsuit and towel where everyone else is fully dressed. It would be very much drawing attention to myself, which I am really not keen on.

Waterbabies is over twice the price and I'm on maternity leave with only one month of SMP left, this was the only way we could continue swimming lessons. I didn't know the changing rooms were unisex when I signed up as my mum used to swim there and said there were single sex changing rooms when she went.

I don't know what I am going to frankly, your option 4 seems the only viable one which is really really shitty and upsetting.

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 25/05/2022 13:58

There is no need to justify yourself OP. We get it.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 25/05/2022 13:59

Except for the apologists (who seem to be devoting an awful amount of time to this) that is.

Mandodari · 25/05/2022 14:04

Blarting · 25/05/2022 13:26

@FunnyTalks @SallyWD @Mandodari

So what is your suggestion for OP?

1 Carry on using the unisex option
2 Use the single sex option
3 Go to water babies
4 Stop swimming

The pool provides a single sex option, so why doesn't she use that?

So she has to walk two minutes further, but that's not acceptable?

So she now has to campaign for the pool to change the nearest change room to a single sex?

You have to understand that many many pools offer unisex changing, it suits some people. That's unlikely to change.

@Blarting
I'm not making any suggestions, I was supplying examples of voyeurism in response to someone saying that they didn't think men would go to the length of peering under cubicle doors to perv on naked females.

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 25/05/2022 14:07

Do you really think the centre wouldn't have a word about her dripping her way past the cafe to the other changing rooms? My leisure centre growing up specifically had wet and dry (although this was also in the old days, so male and female) changing rooms - you weren't supposed to use the dry ones for swimming changing.

My current gym has notices up that you're to dry off thoroughly before going into the locker part of the changing rooms (and not to use the hair dryer anywhere other than your head - the mind honestly boggles) - they'd be very cross if you wandered around dripping (the cleaning lady follows you with a cloth mop tutting a little if you do! I admit I find that a little much personally, but it's because their fancy tiles get slippery and for some reason they don't just buy the mats)

Blarting · 25/05/2022 14:10

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 25/05/2022 14:07

Do you really think the centre wouldn't have a word about her dripping her way past the cafe to the other changing rooms? My leisure centre growing up specifically had wet and dry (although this was also in the old days, so male and female) changing rooms - you weren't supposed to use the dry ones for swimming changing.

My current gym has notices up that you're to dry off thoroughly before going into the locker part of the changing rooms (and not to use the hair dryer anywhere other than your head - the mind honestly boggles) - they'd be very cross if you wandered around dripping (the cleaning lady follows you with a cloth mop tutting a little if you do! I admit I find that a little much personally, but it's because their fancy tiles get slippery and for some reason they don't just buy the mats)

If you read the OP, it says it's not "ideal", not that it's not allowed.

That was the information supplied, I accept that this has changed over future posts, but not "ideal" to me doesn't mean they have signs up saying that you must be dry. I don't know your gum or the one OP uses, on,y the information that she supplied.

Blarting · 25/05/2022 14:14

@SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am "not ideal" to me means "not perfect", a slight inconvenience, not that the pool would be "cross".

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 25/05/2022 14:19

Still trying so very very hard to discredit OP are you @Blarting ?

Why?

We all know such shit happens.
We all now that changing room cubicles should have floor to ceiling walls and doors, but nobody bothered, they just changed the signage.
We all know that women are more vulnerable in such spaces
We all know that whilst NAMALT a fucking good proportion are opportunists
We all know that being vigilant, or even scared of such crap, does not mean that any woman is weak and feeble
Just as we all know that when push comes to shove, women are more likely to be overpowered by men than not.

So what point are you actually trying to make?

Than every woman needs to modify any and every moment of her life so that she doesn't accidentally or on purpose wreck the reputation of some random male?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 25/05/2022 14:25

Why?

Definitely overinvested.

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 25/05/2022 14:25

@SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am "not ideal" to me means "not perfect", a slight inconvenience, not that the pool would be "cross".

OP said 'not ideal' and also that she's never seen anyone else do it - since she's not tried, and not seen anyone else, and she's not leisure centre H&S/Management, 'not ideal' is her guess, not the confirmed situation. My experience is that if she started walking across reception dripping on a weekly basis carrying her baby, she'd probably be asked to stop. I've certainly seen kids at the local lido chucked back outside when they came in dripping to use the snack machines - the staff said that wet people weren't allowed there, and they had to dry off and get dressed first.

Perhaps your experience differs?

Original poster
Magenta82 · 25/05/2022 14:26

Blarting · 25/05/2022 14:14

@SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am "not ideal" to me means "not perfect", a slight inconvenience, not that the pool would be "cross".

Different people use different phrases in different ways, to me it means a lot more than a mild inconvenience, perhaps not the end of the world, but a significant issue. Had I known my every word would be analysed I may have used a different phrase.

To be freaked out in the changing room
OP posts:
gotthis · 25/05/2022 14:26

Op, it's not ideal that at times I have had to send my 8 year old boy alone into male changing rooms either.He doesn't even have me within earshot to help him.This is why parents like me welcome mixed areas. I do think you must speak to the pool to see if they can improve things for you, not give up swimming.

Blarting · 25/05/2022 14:31

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 25/05/2022 14:19

Still trying so very very hard to discredit OP are you @Blarting ?

Why?

We all know such shit happens.
We all now that changing room cubicles should have floor to ceiling walls and doors, but nobody bothered, they just changed the signage.
We all know that women are more vulnerable in such spaces
We all know that whilst NAMALT a fucking good proportion are opportunists
We all know that being vigilant, or even scared of such crap, does not mean that any woman is weak and feeble
Just as we all know that when push comes to shove, women are more likely to be overpowered by men than not.

So what point are you actually trying to make?

Than every woman needs to modify any and every moment of her life so that she doesn't accidentally or on purpose wreck the reputation of some random male?

I was offering options, when I started the single sex room was an option. It's not longer an option, so OP has decided to not swim.

Presumably the single sex changing room for this man is also not an option, so he has to also use the unisex room.

FunnyTalks · 25/05/2022 14:57

As an aside, whilst I need single sex spaces, I agree many boys aren't mature enough by 8 to change alone. Mine certainly wasn't.

MNHQ
EstherMumsnet · 25/05/2022 20:36

Thank you for all the reports about this thread. We took it down while we checked a few things out but we are happy to reinstate it for now.

Dinoteeth · 26/05/2022 07:09

FunnyTalks · 25/05/2022 14:57

As an aside, whilst I need single sex spaces, I agree many boys aren't mature enough by 8 to change alone. Mine certainly wasn't.

It's not just how mature the boys are to get changed themselves it's a question of how vulnerable boys are in a changing area themselves from sexual predators.

From a family swimming point changing villages are so much easier. Women and girls are at slightly more risk of being spied on but boys are much less risk.