Husband mocking me, says I’ve changed for the worst

[redskyatmorning]

I have changed over the past few years in a way, yes. I was a meat eater but always fussy, never tried red meat or sea food, was funny with chicken so I decided to go vegetarian a year or so ago, I also cut out cows milk as I thought it was linked to my stomach pains and I couldn’t believe how much better I felt after a couple of months. I felt more energetic and my long term eczema all but went away. I gradually became vegan and got into nutrition, found it all quite interesting. From there I became interested in natural products, skin care etc. I started feeling at one with myself, and was looking and feeling the best I’d ever felt. I became interested in my health and got the family on vitamins and supplements. I even found my anxiety getting better especially after I started doing yoga too. I don’t harp on it all the time I just feel like I discovered a new interest in wellness and it improved my life a lot.

My husband was happy to get vegetarian with me, he offered I never pushed it on him. He didn’t go vegan with me but I never asked him too, I do only cook vegan but he’ll add cheese etc if he wants too, he’ll cook himself eggs. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t comment on it. The only change I’ve really pushed on him was taking vitamins which isn’t bad. He just keeps mocking me, saying I’m going full hippy and soon I’ll be in mandala print trousers and have dreads. Lots of little comments like that. I’m definitely not, at all, even though it wouldn’t be an insult if I had.. I just genuinely haven’t. Im eating healthier and I’ve got into yoga and skincare - big woop.

We were at my in laws over the weekend and they all commented on me being vegan, I just laughed and said I never thought I would either but I feel so good in myself since doing so. Sister in law commented on my skin (always had bad eczema on face) saying how clear it was and was that just from the diet change? I said it’s definitely had an effect, but that I had spent a lot of time looking into natural products and skincare routines and my husband interrupted and said “oh god who put a penny in you” I said she asked about my eczema being better, he just went off in this rant.. I don’t even know who you are anymore, natural this natural that, fucking boring, you’re becoming a complete hippy, gonna find yourself with a spliff soon enough, I’d rather you still have eczema and not be such a boring cunt.. his mum laughed. His sister said don’t call her that and he said I’m joking I’m just pissed you’re not a cunt love but it is fucking boring I stand by that, something along those lines.

I feel really hurt, it’s not like him to swear at me or call me names at all. Also he’s made me feel embarrassed to have these interests and like I need to hide them now.

That was long.. sorry. I just feel really sad about it.

How dare he speak to you like that?

Can't blame you for feeling sad about that. He doesn't sound like he cares for you or respects you. And of course his comments will have the effect of shutting you down - if you let them...

He's a shit and shown his true colours IMO. Love isn't meant to be conditional.

Wow. It sounds like you've done an awesome amount of work on yourself.

Your husband sounds like a dickhead and he wasn't joking, he can't stand that you've improved yourself so much. I'd seriously reconsider a relationship with someone who called me that for simply answering a question.

He should never have called you a cunt. He shouldn’t be belittling you or being nasty to you. That’s nasty and unfair

However, evangelical, newly organic, all natural, vegan, I’m so healthy now types are dull as dishwater and if you’re preaching to anyone who’ll listen, even if you don’t feel like that, it might be getting a bit tiring to your OH who is listening to the same tired story day in and day out.

It’s fantastic you’re enthused by your new lifestyle but I’ll be honest, no one else cares beyond the pleasantries and your husband has probably heard the same speeches from you a million times.

he should have approached it in a very different way and could have done so kindly and with compassion and you need to have it out about his attitude towards you but maybe you need to stop evangelising about this new way within his earshot too?

Rude.

Discounting the language, how accurate is the sentiment?

How rude!

But honest.

I find it hard to understand someone would belittle and criticise their partner when that partner clearly looks happier and feels better about themselves. That doesnt sound like love.

Do you go on and on about it and bore him to tears?
He shouldn't have said it and his mum shouldn't have laughed -did you say that to them at the time? "I might be boring but you two are rude cunts"?

You don't sound compatible. Do you have kids? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with these people?

(but really: do you bore him to death with it?) Also he is a grown man. He can take vitamins or not if he wants. Don't push them on him.

Well done for changing your life for the better. It also seems like you didn't impose this on him, so what the hell is his problem. Sounds like he is jealous of you, you have found a new path of wellbeing and he doesn't like seeing you doing good things for yourself so he puts you down.

I get that, but I don’t talk about being vegan, I don’t talk to my husband about skin care etc, I don’t bring it up to people. I know some people become all holier than thou when they go vegan, but it’s not something I tell people off my own back as I hate the comments you get. I’d be less hurt if I thought actually I have been quite annoying about it. But I’ve literally just been interested in it, used to just baby wipe my face now have drawer full of products etc, cook different foods, get up early and do yoga. I’m not talking about it all the time, I’m just doing it, and he seems to hate it.

His feet would not touch the floor if he dared speak to me like that!

Who the hell does he think he is? That's not a joke. That is an utterly unacceptable way to talk to anyone and he'd be soberly considering whether it was now possible to salvage his marriage if he was married to me.

I don't think I could ever have sex again with someone who spoke to me like that.

as i said: you don't sound compatible.
But if you didn't tell your DH and MIL at the time they were rude to you to stop, what do you think is going to happen in future?

If you get all evangelical about it and go on and on, he has a point.

Maybe you're just not compatible anymore. It happens.

The only conversation he’ll of heard multiple times is about the eczema, it was bad and all over my face and hands. I’d have huge flare ups regularly. It’s completely cleared up and it’s obviously noticeable and people do comment on it being better. I’ve been able to wear makeup for the first time in years as it used to aggravate the eczema more. So I’ve just felt like I’ve had this newfound confidence finally not hating my face. It makes me so happy when people comment and he just seems to get pissed off by it and have to mock me in response.

Was he bloody drunk? Outrageous way to speak to your wife! Especially in front of other people. It's one thing to lightheartedly call you a hippie but calling you boring for answering someone's question! Quite amusing that he's actually become the boring stereotype of ignorant man yelling down a vegan for being boring.

I don’t think calling you a c*^t was at all right especially in front of his mother! It’s disgusting. It shows a total lack of respect! I know I would sit down with him and ask him what the problem is? I would make sure I did this in private, and I would just explain how much healthier you feel.

I would also let him know how upset you was he spoke to you like he did.
I wish you luck, this sounds just horrible x

You husband has contempt for you, and that is a death knell for a relationship, and what he said was damn near unforgivable in my book. He deliberately tried to humiliate in front of his family. I don't care if you have been beating the vegan drum a little, there's no excuse for what he did.

Having said that though, it's great that you found something that works for your eczema, and he should not call you a cunt.

You've outgrown him and he knows it.

I became interested in my health and got the family on vitamins and supplements.

You don't need vitamins and supplements if you are eating a healthy diet. Vegans may need B12 supplements, but a healthy vegetarian diet shouldn't need supplementing.