Husband mocking me, says I’ve changed for the worst

[redskyatmorning]

I have changed over the past few years in a way, yes. I was a meat eater but always fussy, never tried red meat or sea food, was funny with chicken so I decided to go vegetarian a year or so ago, I also cut out cows milk as I thought it was linked to my stomach pains and I couldn’t believe how much better I felt after a couple of months. I felt more energetic and my long term eczema all but went away. I gradually became vegan and got into nutrition, found it all quite interesting. From there I became interested in natural products, skin care etc. I started feeling at one with myself, and was looking and feeling the best I’d ever felt. I became interested in my health and got the family on vitamins and supplements. I even found my anxiety getting better especially after I started doing yoga too. I don’t harp on it all the time I just feel like I discovered a new interest in wellness and it improved my life a lot.

My husband was happy to get vegetarian with me, he offered I never pushed it on him. He didn’t go vegan with me but I never asked him too, I do only cook vegan but he’ll add cheese etc if he wants too, he’ll cook himself eggs. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t comment on it. The only change I’ve really pushed on him was taking vitamins which isn’t bad. He just keeps mocking me, saying I’m going full hippy and soon I’ll be in mandala print trousers and have dreads. Lots of little comments like that. I’m definitely not, at all, even though it wouldn’t be an insult if I had.. I just genuinely haven’t. Im eating healthier and I’ve got into yoga and skincare - big woop.

We were at my in laws over the weekend and they all commented on me being vegan, I just laughed and said I never thought I would either but I feel so good in myself since doing so. Sister in law commented on my skin (always had bad eczema on face) saying how clear it was and was that just from the diet change? I said it’s definitely had an effect, but that I had spent a lot of time looking into natural products and skincare routines and my husband interrupted and said “oh god who put a penny in you” I said she asked about my eczema being better, he just went off in this rant.. I don’t even know who you are anymore, natural this natural that, fucking boring, you’re becoming a complete hippy, gonna find yourself with a spliff soon enough, I’d rather you still have eczema and not be such a boring cunt.. his mum laughed. His sister said don’t call her that and he said I’m joking I’m just pissed you’re not a cunt love but it is fucking boring I stand by that, something along those lines.

I feel really hurt, it’s not like him to swear at me or call me names at all. Also he’s made me feel embarrassed to have these interests and like I need to hide them now.

He sounds horrible. Don't put up with it. Tell him to shut up. You live your life for you and your children (??) No-one else. You sound amazing. Keep smashing it xxx

The OP would have done better to have pretended her health had improved due to low carbing or some other popular thing. Mention following a vegan diet and people always get a bit over excited. Then the OP can't do right for wrong.

Er, you’re saying the OP has ‘elevated [herself] physically, mentally and ethically’?

She's improved her mental and physical health, I'd say that is grounds for saying she has "elevated" herself in that way. That doesn't mean she's better than anyone else overall, but that her own self has elevated compared to what she once was, for her own health and wellbeing.

Ethically, well, we could debate that. I'm not vegan or veggie, but certainly it could be argued to be more ethical in its treatment of animals etc, and the natural skincare less damaging to the environment. It's like buying makeup that isn't tested on animals, of course that is a more ethical choice than makeup that is tested on animals. Of course it's more ethical to buy free-range eggs rather than battery farmed etc. Some would say it is more ethical to drink plant milks because cow milk involves separation of calf and mother and repeated forced insemination etc... There are certainly compelling arguments as to why certain choices are more ethical. I'd love to have the willpower to do it, but alas, I love fish and dairy

I encourage you to question (to yourself, no need to share it here) why you took such personal offence to a comment that wasn't aimed at you and why you feel the need to let everyone know you consider yourself to be intelligent. Your comment screams insecurity. It must be an awful way to live but there are things you can do to build your own self-esteem up <3

It reeks of insecurity, when people are desperate to perceive themselves as being attacked simply because someone else has a different point of view. I actually don't engage with vegan-baiting, online or in person. If someone is curious and wants an intelligent, respectful debate, that's okay if I have the time and energy. If someone is just trying to be offensive or falling over themselves to prove that they're in the right I switch off. It's really not my job to pussyfoot around their insecurities and it's certainly not my responsibility to stand and laugh along while someone takes the piss out of my own belief system in a way I'd never do to others. You can tell a lot about a person who responds to the idea of veganism with 'mm bacon'.

There’s only one cunt in this situation and it isn’t you

Id leave him. Nobody gets to call you a cu#t especially not the one person whose meant to have your back in life.

You probably go on about it way more than you think, which can be annoying, and preachy. But no excuse for him to speak to you like that. Also, there's clearly benefits - you likely look and feel great, and happier.

You've outgrown him/changed and grown into a different person and I don't think there's a healthy relationship left.

And I am just confused on what exactly did OP share in her posts that immediately meant she can contribute nothing to the topics of "families, their friends, strangers, animals, world affairs, sports, music, films, art, crafts, theme parks, even the weather!"

Or that she is now a "Fixed interest types"

Wow, if the man in question is this weak and pathetic best they get screened out early, so we can all avoid them!

Erm, I don’t eat Spam. I’m a vegetarian. Why are you being so judgemental? You have no facts about me, so you’re making them up and using your made up ‘knowledge’ to judge me. That’s pretty stupid isn’t it? I’m also tee total total so my alleged drink problem is equally non existent I’m afraid. I’m allergic to alcohol rather than it being a ‘moral’ choice to ‘elevate’ myself onto a higher plane btw 🤣

Can you explain what an ‘elevated look’ might be? Or is it simply taking oneself, complete with face and body, to the higher moral ground in order to look down?

Agree that he's envious and threatened.

This is a man who PREFERRED the unhappy, insecure version of you. He's making that very clear. Please think very carefully about that.

It was my pathetic attempt at humour sweet pea 😁 I’ve not even got a degree, much less a doctorate 😯

Seriously? Why would another person having coffee and cake, when you’re also having coffee and cake “change the dynamics”. Makes no sense.

He sounds awful, I would be making some more changes and get rid of him. Why would he want you to be unhappy? Not a good relationship.

OP, speaking as someone who has historically been sceptical of “wellness” and who has a short attention span listening to people talk about diet and lifestyle changes….

He is absolutely out of order calling you a cunt and belittling you. That’s a dealbreaker, it’s absolutely irrelevant what the trigger was for it. You have a new found confidence and have taken the initiative to improve your life and he feels jealous and threatened.

He has no right to sulk because you have stopped eating meat or drinking alcohol. If these changes make him feel insecure or excluded that’s on him.

I would strongly recommend you reassess this marriage. You have grown out of him basically and I suspect you would be far happier without him.

Well done on the improvements you have made, and he's living Ina dream world if he doesn't expect you to change with time we all do. I'm not the person I was when DH and I met neither is he!

I do wonder if he feels the power dynamic has changed and you used to be more reliant on him for validation, and emotional support, now you don't need that he's feeling lost and trying to
regain that power.

He probably thinks you are paying more attention to your new interests over him. Unfortunately having children won't help as well as for some men they seem to compete for attention with the children.

I don't believe any of the above is right though he needs to grow up and learn to deal with it or he'll drive you away.

Still not acceptable to call you names especially in front of others, if my DS did that as an adult it be utterly ashamed of him.

Good luck with your chat I hope he sees sense.

Is he an Adonis?

I think he feels threatened and jealous. You'd be attractive to someone else now (in his eyes) so he wants to keep you in line

Even the word, c, makes me cringe. Yes some vegans, even nice ones are a bit holly and sanctimonious about it, even if they don't mean to be.

But most people are boring about one aspect. I don't know what I'm boring about, but I'm sure there is plenty. My mum is very Christian, I like to hear about her prayer groups and the friendship side of it, but I'm not that interested in the rest. Two of ds2's friends mothers are very risk adverse, I find them almost neurotic, and that gets on my wick majorly, but what can you do?

Most people have something, right?

I think this posts explains what his thinking and real problem is with your lifestyle change. Clearly his insecurity about how good you look and feel now. That's a very unattractive quality in him. he sounds nasty. I'm glad your SIL stood up for you. You need to have a serious conversation with him though because you can't live with him speaking to you in that way and you certainly shouldn't allow him to bully you in to going back to the way you were just because he's worried that you're too attractive to other men now, how gross

"I’m joking I’m just pissed you’re not a cunt love but it is fucking boring"

He said WHAT?! Jesus Chris. He's such a twat. Insecure twat.

I mean this just makes it sound like he’s insecure.

He can see that your skin has cleared up, you’re wearing makeup, looking and feeling better in yourself in general. And I’m guessing that’s made him feel threatened. Threatened that other men may start taking more of an interest.

He’s passing it off as a joke, because he doesn’t want it to look obvious that he’s become insecure. And when people are insecure they often focus on bringing the other person down so they can feel better/less insecure, rather than try and fix their insecurities, so mocking could be to stop you getting too confident in your new look.

However truly shocking his language was towards you was, and it really is.

Even worse is his response to your chronic eczema having cleared, being one of anger, resentment and annoyance.

I honestly wouldn't feel you are safe in a relationship with a man who would prefer you in chronic discomfort.

This should be giving you real pause for thought.

Protect yourself.
He really is no prize.

You deserve so much better than the nasty excuse you are married to.

Quite. It sounds like the Op is taking care of herself. What partner would not want that? He should be happy about that.

There isn't and never will be a reason enough for him to call you a cunt. If anyone on here is used to their partner calling them that or thinks its OK then I hope they are just as happy calling their partner a can't or duck as they are hearing it.

He feels threatened and is resorting to calling ypu names. That isn't acceptable to me op, is it to you? I'd speak to him in the first instance and see what the crux of the issue is and see where you want to go from there The only thing I would say is that I am losing weight after several years of being overweight and my dh is encouraging me rather than bringing me down. That's what a loving, supportive partner does.

*a cunt or dick even.