Husband mocking me, says I’ve changed for the worst

[redskyatmorning]

I have changed over the past few years in a way, yes. I was a meat eater but always fussy, never tried red meat or sea food, was funny with chicken so I decided to go vegetarian a year or so ago, I also cut out cows milk as I thought it was linked to my stomach pains and I couldn’t believe how much better I felt after a couple of months. I felt more energetic and my long term eczema all but went away. I gradually became vegan and got into nutrition, found it all quite interesting. From there I became interested in natural products, skin care etc. I started feeling at one with myself, and was looking and feeling the best I’d ever felt. I became interested in my health and got the family on vitamins and supplements. I even found my anxiety getting better especially after I started doing yoga too. I don’t harp on it all the time I just feel like I discovered a new interest in wellness and it improved my life a lot.

My husband was happy to get vegetarian with me, he offered I never pushed it on him. He didn’t go vegan with me but I never asked him too, I do only cook vegan but he’ll add cheese etc if he wants too, he’ll cook himself eggs. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t comment on it. The only change I’ve really pushed on him was taking vitamins which isn’t bad. He just keeps mocking me, saying I’m going full hippy and soon I’ll be in mandala print trousers and have dreads. Lots of little comments like that. I’m definitely not, at all, even though it wouldn’t be an insult if I had.. I just genuinely haven’t. Im eating healthier and I’ve got into yoga and skincare - big woop.

We were at my in laws over the weekend and they all commented on me being vegan, I just laughed and said I never thought I would either but I feel so good in myself since doing so. Sister in law commented on my skin (always had bad eczema on face) saying how clear it was and was that just from the diet change? I said it’s definitely had an effect, but that I had spent a lot of time looking into natural products and skincare routines and my husband interrupted and said “oh god who put a penny in you” I said she asked about my eczema being better, he just went off in this rant.. I don’t even know who you are anymore, natural this natural that, fucking boring, you’re becoming a complete hippy, gonna find yourself with a spliff soon enough, I’d rather you still have eczema and not be such a boring cunt.. his mum laughed. His sister said don’t call her that and he said I’m joking I’m just pissed you’re not a cunt love but it is fucking boring I stand by that, something along those lines.

I feel really hurt, it’s not like him to swear at me or call me names at all. Also he’s made me feel embarrassed to have these interests and like I need to hide them now.

Because hes insecure prob thinks when yu werent looking your best you had less chance of leaving-now youre feeling great confident and hes not so prob thinks hes losing you

but caling you a cunt is so far beyond acceptable

Shame you didn’t.

Exactly this!

He's jealous and threatened that you're now hotter than ever and feeling great, that you're looking after yourself and expanding your world.

Please, whatever you do, don't let his horrid words and jealousy hinder your growth. It does sound as if he's actively trying to inhibit you and control you through teasing.

His mum sounds jealous too, she jumped at the opportunity to laugh at you and make you feel small, when in fact they are the caterpillars and you're going full butterfly which kills them inside!

It's always hard when you grow at a different pace to someone that you love - it's one of the most difficult things to overcome, and sometimes impossible.

Are you the husband 🤷🏼‍♀️

He sounds like an oaf. Disrespectful, too.

Yes, this. Surely the eczema was uncomfortable at least, if not sore...and who wouldn't want to see someone they love thrive

I didn’t really say anything to him or my mil, I didn’t really know what to say I just went off to check on the kids. I didn’t really want anything to change to be honest no I don’t want anyone to join my ‘regime’ I just want to carry on as I am, I’m retraining for a new career and feeling good about myself and my life and just wanted to carry on as I was. Just feel like I can’t take the constant mocking anymore.

It’s not that he doesn’t find new you attractive- he’s probably secretly worried that other men will find you more attractive too, and that you might find one of them more attractive than him - which is very likely to happen if he keeps being so rude to you!

Personally I’d sit him down and have a serious chat about this. Tell him he was well out of order speaking to you like that, whether he was drunk or not. Tell him if he ever does it again you’ll be thinking about leaving and finding someone who can appreciate how hard you’ve worked and how well you’ve done.

There’s something weird about being vegan that brings out the aggressive/rude side in other people. Usually they’re grumbling about vegans preaching while doing exactly the same in reverse themselves. As this thread demonstrates!

Alcohol doesn't make a single person on earth interesting.If you don't want to drink you don't have to

He’s either jealous that you are happy or worried that you might go off him. Either way he’s an arse.

I’m happy for you and I don’t even know you!

Maybe he needs to smoke a joint and learn to meditate?

Frankly? I wouldn't have put up with that at the time, and i would have made them apologise or i would have left with the kids and gone to my parents until the divorce was finalised.

As you didn't do that - what is it you want? constant mocking? leave him. That is the only way to make it stop. You know that, deep down.

I think the fact that he became vegetarian and is supportive but he doesn't like the fact that you've given up drinking is the issue.

People do change when they quit drinking. It is hard to stay up half the night when everyone is pissed and talking shite. And when your focus isn't drinking you start being interested in other stuff.

I think have an honest chat with him and see what you can both do. Look at doing some stuff that is fun that you can have as a couple that doesn't involve drinking. Maybe sport or hiking or a hobby.

I'm dry at the moment (and also almost vegan - but for environmental and animal reasons) and seriously considering quitting for good. I feel and sleep so much better. I lose weight, my eyes look twice as big and my skin looks dewy. But it will take a bit of reframing.

Do you think your MIL laughed out of embarrassment? Or can her little boy do no wrong? My parents would bloody kill me if I spoke to my husband like that while they were present.

Yes this is one thing that has really hurt, when people comment on the eczema being gone and he instantly mocks me and makes me feel embarrassed. It was really horrific and hard to control, I’d scratch in my sleep and go to work with a bleeding face. I had to sleep in gloves or I’d tear at my face and hands. My eczema on my hands was so severe especially during covid with all the hand washing and sanitiser that I used to wear gloves to work and to the shops so people wouldn’t see the weeping sores. Finally getting to this point was huge for me and he just doesn’t seem happy. Saying he’d rather me still have it then be boring broke my heart a bit. The amount he’s seen me cry over my eczema, how could he ever even think that?

You’ve outgrown him OP! And he knows it and isn’t feeling so important anymore… his ego is feeling neglected / bruised.

is it time to move on??

This (and great user name btw)

What the hell?! You must know that this isn’t normal or acceptable behaviour? He thinks that your sole reason for looking nice is for his benefit and to get married?

What foul, misogynistic, controlling nonsense is this?!

Im not sure why oeople are being so unkind to you on here OP - the may be jealous and insecure too! Congrats on your amazing changes! Well done! Your DH sounds awful. Dont stay andbe ground down by him 😔

I’ve got vegan friends and I’ve got a friend who is very much into his yoga and none of them bang on about it, so I don’t buy this ‘you must be boring him’ stance. Your husband sounds like he’s worried the new, improved you will find a new, improved partner. And if he continues to mock you and call you a cunt, I really hope you do.

You’ve evolved, found a better way of living that suits you. He feels threatened and maybe you don’t have as much in common any more. Whatever it is, he’s a complete dickhead for talking to you like that. He has zero respect for you and what’s important to you.

@redskyatmorning would you start a thread in style and beauty about products that you are using? I would love to know more because you are inspiring me to make changes!

He should be glad you have improved your life but instead he is petty and jealous.

I would leave my husband if he called me a cunt.

Some people can only feel good about themselves if they put those around them down. Toxic.

He’s triggered by your new found confidence / improved skin / self care. He wants you to look and feel shit, he can sense he’s loosing his power.

Even just now I seemed to annoy him. He bought new toothpaste that wasn’t my usual one and walked in on me reading the ingredients, I can’t use toothpaste with sodium lauryl sulphate as it gives me ulcers. He asked what I was looking for and I said that and he rolled his eyes and muttered of course you can’t. It’s not even to do with any of this stuff I’ve only used sensodyne for years because of realising that’s what triggered my ulcers. Bet he’ll blame that on me ‘becoming a hippy’ too.

I feel so sad for you OP. What a prick.

I hope your newfound confidence will allow you to stand up to your DH. I'm sure if you give him a stern word every time he mocks you that it will soon stop. And if it doesn't? LTB.

What kind of an example is he setting for your DC? He's a big bully.