Husband mocking me, says I’ve changed for the worst

[redskyatmorning]

I have changed over the past few years in a way, yes. I was a meat eater but always fussy, never tried red meat or sea food, was funny with chicken so I decided to go vegetarian a year or so ago, I also cut out cows milk as I thought it was linked to my stomach pains and I couldn’t believe how much better I felt after a couple of months. I felt more energetic and my long term eczema all but went away. I gradually became vegan and got into nutrition, found it all quite interesting. From there I became interested in natural products, skin care etc. I started feeling at one with myself, and was looking and feeling the best I’d ever felt. I became interested in my health and got the family on vitamins and supplements. I even found my anxiety getting better especially after I started doing yoga too. I don’t harp on it all the time I just feel like I discovered a new interest in wellness and it improved my life a lot.

My husband was happy to get vegetarian with me, he offered I never pushed it on him. He didn’t go vegan with me but I never asked him too, I do only cook vegan but he’ll add cheese etc if he wants too, he’ll cook himself eggs. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t comment on it. The only change I’ve really pushed on him was taking vitamins which isn’t bad. He just keeps mocking me, saying I’m going full hippy and soon I’ll be in mandala print trousers and have dreads. Lots of little comments like that. I’m definitely not, at all, even though it wouldn’t be an insult if I had.. I just genuinely haven’t. Im eating healthier and I’ve got into yoga and skincare - big woop.

We were at my in laws over the weekend and they all commented on me being vegan, I just laughed and said I never thought I would either but I feel so good in myself since doing so. Sister in law commented on my skin (always had bad eczema on face) saying how clear it was and was that just from the diet change? I said it’s definitely had an effect, but that I had spent a lot of time looking into natural products and skincare routines and my husband interrupted and said “oh god who put a penny in you” I said she asked about my eczema being better, he just went off in this rant.. I don’t even know who you are anymore, natural this natural that, fucking boring, you’re becoming a complete hippy, gonna find yourself with a spliff soon enough, I’d rather you still have eczema and not be such a boring cunt.. his mum laughed. His sister said don’t call her that and he said I’m joking I’m just pissed you’re not a cunt love but it is fucking boring I stand by that, something along those lines.

I feel really hurt, it’s not like him to swear at me or call me names at all. Also he’s made me feel embarrassed to have these interests and like I need to hide them now.

He sounds really threatened. Either he works on embracing the new dynamic or you both bed to move on.

*need not bed!

Ouhhhh nasty. He sounds resentful and angry. Like he despises you. Doesn't sound good.

Bloody idiot comment.

You have been bettering yourself and growing your confidence and that will always be threatening to some people. But your husband shouldn’t be one of those people. He’s supposed to be on your team. He’s supposed to be thrilled that you feel healthy and happy.
But that’s often not how it goes. You see it a lot on weight-loss threads too. You feeling better about yourself makes him feel worse about himself. He used to be sure that you knew your place but now he’s not so secure so he has to keep slapping you down so that he can feel he’s on top again.
All you can really do is call him on it. His behaviour is small-minded bullying but he’s going to have to pull himself together because you’re not going to volunteer to feel unwell again just so he can feel like top dog.

And there's your answer, you have a new found confidence and he doesnt like it.

He probably genuinely did prefer you with eczema because you didnt have any confidence, he didnt think that people would notice you....well that MEN would notice you. But now you look better and you feel better and that in turn makes you look even better again. He is insecure and jealous and is trying to put you back into the box he was happy for you to be in, instead he will drive you away if he carries on like this. I had an exboyfriend like this and I did the one thing he dreaded which was dump him because he would go mad at ME if any else looked or spoke to me, like it was my fault! He wanted me to dress in a dowdy way and not wear makeup as he said I didnt need it. At 22 I probably didnt need it tbh but I liked wearing it, he didnt want me to look attractive to anyone else. And he drove me away.

He is insecure now, scared other people notice and like you.

Bet you look great you’ve moved on he needs to shape up or ship out any children ? If not embrace your gorgeous new self and go find someone more of your vibe you’re 29 no age. Imagine your new found amazing looks good fir you x

That's like my mum too😅

Well done on your positive changes! Being vegan takes a lot of discipline - good on you! The thing is, you are moving forward, improving your health and your husband isn't happy about it and wants things to be as they were. Nothing stays the same. Either your relationship is going backwards or going forwards. You are doing great.
As for being called a ''cunt'' - if he actually called you that (and did he actually call you that word in front of other people?) What a disgusting chav - what kind of family does he come from? I would be up and gone at that point - honestly. Just - NO.

I suspect he didn't like the positive attention you were getting. A good partner is there raising you up and bring your greatest fan.

Sounds like he has more insecurities than you do.

Well done on investing in yourself by learning about diet, exercise and nutrition. You should be proud of yourself.

He's jealous and controlling. He doesn't want you to look and feel better. I had a husband like that, he really thrived when I was doing badly and as soon as I started doing well, he turned really nasty. There was no changing him, my life became unbearable and I had to leave.

I'd say that you're probably looking really well, have more confidence as a result...... and he doesn't like it.

I'm sorry, but I think there's other things you need to ditch from your life too...... he sounds vile to talk about you like that in front of anyone else, family or not.

Him calling you a cunt is well out of order.
The other things I can see where he is coming from.

In his eyes you are not the person he met and fell in love with.

would he have stayed with you if you were all the things you are/do now ...possibly not .

What you choose to do now with the relationship is up to you... he's shown you what he thinks of the new you.

I think that you have outgrown your husband, Op, and he knows it.

I agree. He's insecure and jealous. Not good...

I don’t understand why he’d be happy to be with me when I had chronic eczema, was always tired and has consistent low mood and anxiety and now wouldn’t want to be with me when I’m healthier, more active and looking better. I’ve hardly done him a disservice. But it does feel that way. He wouldn’t keep mocking me about it all the time if he wasn’t thinking of it.

and yes to whoever asked we have young kids.

The vast majority of people in the UK need vitamin D.

I wonder if he’s envious of the positive attention your getting?

I have got a friend who used to be great company but she has turned vegan and massively into fitness....good for her but honestly she is really dull now to the point l don't go out for dinner with her any more cos we are on different pages totally. She used to love a lamb roast with a dessert but like someone who has given up smoking, now she would judge you if you had that.
But never in a million years would l call her a cunt for her choices!

The vast majority of people in the UK need vitamin D.

I think the main point with the vitamins is that OP shouldn't be, as she said, forcing them on her DH. He is an adult and can decide if he wants to take them or not.

So, OP, since you haven't answered at all, i am assuming you haven't said to your DH or MIL that them calling you a "cunt" isn't acceptable and that they are not to do it again.

What do you want the next few months, year, five years to look like? Do you want this to jog along like this? do you want them to stop? do you want them to acknowledge that they were rude fuckers? do you want them to constantly tell you how fab you are? Do you want them to join you in your new regime? What is it you want? how do you plan to achieve that?

There is your answer. People notice thst you look so much better and comment on it. He liked it how it was before. My former BIL 'fed' his now exwife to keep her fat. Whilst she was fat no one would want her. She lost a huge amount of weight due to health concerns. He hated it because she had so much more confidence.

He called you a cunt? And his mum laughed? Fucking hell that’s AWFUL.

He sounds so mean-spirited - I would be crushed if I had found a way to improve my rosacea naturally and my husband belittled me for it. He knows how self-conscious I am about it.

I assume he's about your age? In which case he should have grown out of negging you.

I definitely don’t judge people for eating and drinking what they like, wouldn’t occur to me to even think anything negative let alone comment. I did give up drinking last year as it made me feel like I was taking a huge step back with my anxiety as I’d spend the day after drinking really on edge. He really doesn’t like that I’ve stopped drinking and calls me boring almost every time he has a drink now. I’d forgotten to mention that. Perhaps i have become really boring but I don’t want to do things I don’t want to do just to be interesting to him.