Husband mocking me, says I’ve changed for the worst

[redskyatmorning]

I have changed over the past few years in a way, yes. I was a meat eater but always fussy, never tried red meat or sea food, was funny with chicken so I decided to go vegetarian a year or so ago, I also cut out cows milk as I thought it was linked to my stomach pains and I couldn’t believe how much better I felt after a couple of months. I felt more energetic and my long term eczema all but went away. I gradually became vegan and got into nutrition, found it all quite interesting. From there I became interested in natural products, skin care etc. I started feeling at one with myself, and was looking and feeling the best I’d ever felt. I became interested in my health and got the family on vitamins and supplements. I even found my anxiety getting better especially after I started doing yoga too. I don’t harp on it all the time I just feel like I discovered a new interest in wellness and it improved my life a lot.

My husband was happy to get vegetarian with me, he offered I never pushed it on him. He didn’t go vegan with me but I never asked him too, I do only cook vegan but he’ll add cheese etc if he wants too, he’ll cook himself eggs. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t comment on it. The only change I’ve really pushed on him was taking vitamins which isn’t bad. He just keeps mocking me, saying I’m going full hippy and soon I’ll be in mandala print trousers and have dreads. Lots of little comments like that. I’m definitely not, at all, even though it wouldn’t be an insult if I had.. I just genuinely haven’t. Im eating healthier and I’ve got into yoga and skincare - big woop.

We were at my in laws over the weekend and they all commented on me being vegan, I just laughed and said I never thought I would either but I feel so good in myself since doing so. Sister in law commented on my skin (always had bad eczema on face) saying how clear it was and was that just from the diet change? I said it’s definitely had an effect, but that I had spent a lot of time looking into natural products and skincare routines and my husband interrupted and said “oh god who put a penny in you” I said she asked about my eczema being better, he just went off in this rant.. I don’t even know who you are anymore, natural this natural that, fucking boring, you’re becoming a complete hippy, gonna find yourself with a spliff soon enough, I’d rather you still have eczema and not be such a boring cunt.. his mum laughed. His sister said don’t call her that and he said I’m joking I’m just pissed you’re not a cunt love but it is fucking boring I stand by that, something along those lines.

I feel really hurt, it’s not like him to swear at me or call me names at all. Also he’s made me feel embarrassed to have these interests and like I need to hide them now.

Then who's forcing you to?! Not me or the other posters! Not OP! 🤷🏻‍♀️ just click away next time, nobody is keeping track

Your husband is a total arse for talking to you like that.

But.. my mum is a vegan and only eats organic everything etc etc and hates sweet food, exercises religiously and fuck me, she does half go on. She’d swear blind she doesn’t ever talk about her diet/life style/pass judgement on others eating habits but she’s a woman absolutely obsessed. She’s so judgmental and she has no idea she’s doing it, I’m not saying this is you.

And totally unnecessary

But I'm sure you feel better for it

I know it’s not the most interesting topic to everyone of course, which is why I don’t bring it up. When I do talk about it like posting here or when people ask I do go into a bit too much detail maybe but only because I’m passionate about it and only from the sense of how much it’s changed how I look and feel. I don’t push it on other people at all. Some topics are boring to people yet others are passionate about it, I’ve also felt like you about some things where it doesn’t interest me, but if he talks about golf or something that he’s passionate about I just enjoy seeing him talk about something that matters to him and seeing him come alive - when I do the same he mocks me for it. Basically everyone I know has commented on my face being better, don’t think he has once apart from mockingly. I feel really shit about it.

It sounds like he’s jealous of how happy you are. Is that what it feels like? You’re feeling and looking better, you’re healthier, at peace with yourself, taking good care of yourself. And he’s seeing implicit judgement of him for not having changed perhaps.

I say good for you for the things you’ve learnt and now enjoy, for feeling better about yourself. The two of you are growing apart and he’s threatened by how you are now. His insecurity is making him say ugly awful things and you need to tell him it won’t happen again and he needs to deal with whatever his issue is and be happy for you or you’re leaving him.

OP he does sound a bit annoying, to be kind.

You have found something that makes your life new and brighter. He is stuck in his ways and doesn't want to be bothered by your happiness ☹️

I'm sorry that you had such a horrible experience. I would be seriously considering the viability of the relationship.
Have you tried to discuss his nasty comments with him and how you felt about them?
What's your plan, going forward?

He was an absolute shit to talk to you like that. However, your post came across very defensive of all of your natural shite which, to live with, must be boring as fuck.
Maybe he's a dick, perhaps you're a bore, only way to sort it is to talk about it.

Could it be like when people change their lives with exercise and lose weight and look and feel better and everyone is pleased for them apart from their partner...who starts making mean comments because they suddenly feel like they aren't good enough

There’s no excuse for him being so rude and insulting. and really you should be proud of yourself for the work you’ve done to improve your health and wellbeing.

I would say though that It can be difficult for partners when people make radical changes like you have; and he may be concerned about how he fits in. I expect I’ll get slated for this, but after you’ve told him that kind of language and rudeness is unacceptable, give him a bit of reassurance.

I had a package arrive at the start of the year full of makeup as I didn’t own any other than mascara as I just couldn’t wear it. He acted really hard done by about why I needed it, I’m already married who am I trying to impress. I said are you not remotely happy for me that I can feel normal and wear makeup? I’m 29, he knows how self conscious I used to feel when I went out with my friends. Whoever said contempt seems right, it’s like he resents me feeling confident and I don’t understand why. He says it’s all a joke but it doesn’t feel like it is.

How awful to be spoken to like that and be called a cunt, by your DH. Is he feeling threatened by your new found way of living? I couldn't be with someone constantly mocking me and speaking so disrespectfully. I really couldn't. I'm glad you've found a way to manage your eczema & after enjoying good health.

Of course the alternative is that you are going on about it more than you think. In which case he should have said something to you afterwards, to embarrass you infront if his family in such a harsh manner is pretty unforgivable

Cross post as this is exactly what I just described yes, it feels that way

He's frightened you are feeling good about yourself - he thinks you'll decide he's beneath you next and move on to a better model - so he puts you down to make sure your confidence doesn't get too good. Pathetic man. Hopefully there are no kids involved. Time to move on.

Do you think he feels jealous and left out that people are commenting on how great you look and not him, and he is reacting like a toddler

He feels bad about himself and he's jealous of your achievements. He's taking it out on you.

But however, name-calling and belittling you is abusive. He wanted to put you back 'in your place'

I can't believe people are giving you such a hard time.
You were responding to questions. That your ILs asked. If this was about anything else other than veganism, there'd be LTB in every other comment.

He feels threatened and he’s lashing out. Just tell him calmly that he’s wrong and he shouldn’t be trying to bring you down. His current behaviour is more likely to drive you away.

The fact he said that word, and other vileness, around the dinner table with his family members, makes me think it is an accepted way to speak in his family 🤷🏼‍♀️

You've outgrown him and he knows it.
^^
Plus, I would say he doesn't have your back. He should be happy you feel better and healthier.

But no, all about him of course. He wants to keep you in the box he knows and feels comfortable in.

He shouldn’t have called you that but he is clearly at the end of his tether.

I’d divorce my husband if he went vegan. The reason is because I’ve never met a vegan who wasn’t judgemental or superior in some way and through my work I’ve met hundreds treating them for malnutrition.

Callit you a cunt is game over OP. How dare he, id be apocalyptic if my husband humiliated me and called me that.

That's a pretty shocking thing to say to you.

I'm pretty healthy and eat well but I'll be honest I've worked with a couple of born again diet freaks and they spent a large proportion of their time preaching to everyone. Every single conversation seemed to involve talking about food. I ended up avoiding both of them in the end. They were both oblivious I think.

You probably are talking about this more than you realise.

Off topic but shouldn’t it be “for the worse”?