Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not go to this wedding?

241 replies

Kinderoo · 23/05/2022 10:39

Dp has a family wedding coming up this week. Aibu not to go. I'm just tired of him and his family constantly putting my needs second and their needs first.

I've had a hard couple of years with all of them and it felt like dp and me was finally making improvements but lately all we have been doing is bickering again and he has NOT been listening to me or my wants. He has been very neglectful.

Me and dp are meant to be getting married myself, we have dc. I'm aware that me not going to this will most likely severe all ties with him and his family and will cause unthinkable damage.

But after spending over ahundred on my clothes and gift (it's a very formal wedding) I'm starting to wonder why I'm always the one that bends my back and gives gives gives.

All just to make him and his bloody family happy. When no one cares about me.

So Aibu to say to dp I'm having serious doubts about not going?

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 23/05/2022 10:41

I think it would be extremely rude to pull out within the week when the couple have paid for your place can you go and be polite then rethink your relationship.

Idontevenknow · 23/05/2022 10:43

I dont think there's really enough detail on what they have actually done. So at the point is say yabu and I would go to the wedding

Original poster
Kinderoo · 23/05/2022 10:43

I'm not suggesting I'm leaving dp. But I'm tired of doing things for him/his family all their way. This is a big ask for me as its with lots of people I don't know and after spending all this money and putting in all this effort (I bought the gift for dp for his own family) I don't want to do it anymore. I feel like a doormat that just keeps giving and making a point will make me be heard.

I even had to chase dp about his flipping suit! It's not even my side of the family but he is just so lazy with everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kinderoo · 23/05/2022 10:44

They are all very self centred and done hurtful things to me and failed to consider me when they should have.

OP posts:
Stressofherregard · 23/05/2022 10:45

Your issues with DP sound bigger than this one wedding. I think that you should go, try and have a good time. But rethink your own marriage plans.

Bananarama21 · 23/05/2022 10:46

You haven't given any examples to suggest your being reasonable sounds like you want to pull out of the wedding to punish them. Nothing to do with your own relationship with your dp.

Original poster
Kinderoo · 23/05/2022 10:46

I'm going to speak to my counsellor today as he knows most of my personal details that I can't really disclose on here. But I just wanted to get across my exasperation on here. I feel like like I'm constantly giving out to everyone. Dp mil fil dc and no one cares enough about me. So I'm tired of being treated like this and want to make a stand.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/05/2022 10:47

Well it depends on what they have or haven't done. I wouldn't necessarily expect his family to put your needs before theirs but DP is a different matter. That said it would depend entirely on what the needs are.

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/05/2022 10:47

It isn’t the fault of the couple getting married that you have a lazy and useless DP, nor that your in laws don’t like you. As previous poster says, it would be rude to drop out with days’ notice so that they’ve paid for your place and are unable to fill it with somebody else at short notice. Go, be polite but distant with the in laws you don’t like, try and get chatting to some new people, and have a rethink of your own relationship and what it actually brings to your life.

Lobelia123 · 23/05/2022 10:47

Dont punish the bride and groom for things you feel your partner has done wrong. I agree with a previous poster who said it would be rude to not show up when youve accepted and theyve catered for and are expecting you. Go to the wedding, and then do whatever you want afterwards.

SherlockTomes · 23/05/2022 10:47

You have a DH problem. Why take that out on the wedding couple?

MimiSunshine · 23/05/2022 10:48

You’re boy actually saying what the issue is that has you feeling like this.

on the face of your post, you sound upset that you’re having to put yourself out for a wedding. Well yes that is what happens when you go to a wedding.

pulling out at this late stage is unreasonable however not sorting out your DPs suit if he doesn’t bother is not unreasonable and just dont allow yourself to feel it’s a reflection on you if he doesn’t have one to wear.

Original poster
Kinderoo · 23/05/2022 10:48

I just feel like a mug if dp hasn't been treating me the best but i put a lovely smile on my face just to go along to this wedding to appease him. Its always about him.

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 23/05/2022 10:48

It's a wedding what your saying is normal outfits and gifts. It's hard for anyone to offer advice with such vague details

Original poster
Kinderoo · 23/05/2022 10:48

I dont feel like I'm ever allowed to do anything for me if it gets in the way of dp or his family.

OP posts:
PurassicJark · 23/05/2022 10:48

Difficult to know without examples. But why marry a man that is neglectful towards you?

ImInStealthMode · 23/05/2022 10:49

Surely for any wedding you do it 'their way' as a guest?

You sound very much like you consider them not your family at all, which they will be if you marry. Worth thinking about.

Original poster
Kinderoo · 23/05/2022 10:50

I don't know anymore. I don't know what I want.

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 23/05/2022 10:50

Well there wedding they are hosting an event how they want, I wouldn't expect any less. You don't want to leave him even though he's the problem.

Happyplace88 · 23/05/2022 10:50

Really hard to say with so little detail.
which relative is actually getting married?
have they personally done anything to you?
what’s your DH actually done other than being thoughtless and lazy? Because as much as that is an issue, I don’t think it’s cause to pull out of a very formal wedding so last minute.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 23/05/2022 10:50

Going to a wedding of your fiancé’s family isn’t generally a big ask. Most of us would do that without question even if we didn’t particularly like/know family member or like weddings. YWBU to pull out so late, and you’ll cause unnecessary drama.

whatever is going on it doesn’t sound like you actually want to marry this man, so why are you?

Original poster
Kinderoo · 23/05/2022 10:51

To those who said I accepted the invitation I didn't. Dp never asked me. Everyone just assumed I was going. I never said yes or no to anyone.

Clearly dp just spoke in my place and mil said I have to go as I'm not allowed to mess it up.

OP posts:
LibrariesGiveUsPower · 23/05/2022 10:51

Kinderoo · 23/05/2022 10:50

I don't know anymore. I don't know what I want.

Do you want to be in a relationship with your fiancé?

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 23/05/2022 10:53

Sounds like this is the prompt you need to rethink your own wedding. Do you want these people as your family? Such a man as your dh? Take back your purchases and use the money to go your separate ways...

Original poster
Kinderoo · 23/05/2022 10:54

I don't know. We was doing so well but he has resorted back to his old ways. I feel like in laws treat me like a child and don't ever let me just breath or make my own choices. Its all so suffocating. I feel like a puppet on strings that has to move in a particular way to make them happy. I don't feel like I'm living genuinely for me anymore.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread