Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate most mixed sex fitting rooms

182 replies

Humbold · 22/05/2022 12:45

I haven't been out shopping much post-Covid because it seemed pointless when the fitting rooms were closed. Went with my teenage daughter to pick up some summer clothes this week and was shocked by how many stores have gone for mixed sex changing rooms.

First stop was Primark. Headed to fitting room and noticed the mixed queue, got to the head and was pointed to changing area "it's mixed just pick any cubicle". I was a bit surprised but went with it thinking it would be fine as long as there were self-contained cubicles with floor-to-ceiling lockable doors. Got met with row upon row of curtained cubicles, hard to see which ones were occupied without angling myself to check down the gap at the side (they never seem to close over properly without much faffing) or looking at the bottom to see if I could see feet. Gingerly opened one and to my relief it was free. I hated it.

I was trying on a dress that involved me taking my shoes off and stripping down to my bra and knickers. My elbow would move the curtain every now and again so I was constantly checking it was closed over properly. I could hear teenage lads walking past and the girl in the next cubicle was squeezed in with her boyfriend who was chatting away. It was crazy. I felt so vulnerable and tense so didn't bother trying my other 2 dresses on.

Previously I would have got an outfit on and maybe if I needed help with the zip or wanted my friend/daughter's opinion I would come out into the communal area and look in the full length mirror. I might come out partially dressed (unbuttoned, unzipped etc...) and ask an assistant for the next size up etc... But there's no way you can do that in this mixed setting. When I pulled back the curtain there was a man waiting at the end of one row, looking on his phone, probably just waiting on his wife or girlfriend. It just felt wrong.

I remember when there were communal changing rooms and they were bad enough but at least they weren't mixed. My DD said she went to H&M with her boyfriend and they were exactly the same - just curtained. Her boyfriend came in and just sat on the floor at the end of a row of curtained cubicles and she said it didn't feel right but didn't say anything.

I've been to Cos and their changing rooms are completely self-contained, lockable, floor-to-ceiling cubicles. It's on a much smaller scale too which helps - probably a max of 10 cubicles. I can deal with that. But since when did shops think they could pile in 30/40/50 curtained spaces and mix in men with women and make the changing experience so bloody horrible? I haven't been in an M&S changing room for a while - are any of theirs going mixed? I'm concerned it's becoming a trend and I don't understand why.

As a young girl I'd have been worried about lads pulling back curtains 'accidentally'. As an adult I'm worried about anyone pulling back a curtain and exposing me in a state of undress but more uncomfortable if there's a chance my best mate's Dad is stood there! I'm not keen on shopping at the best of times but if this is the way things are going, it's online all the way for me. The High Street can do one.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PermanentlyTired03 · 22/05/2022 12:47

Where do you live? I've been shopping recently and none of the changing rooms are mixed!

user1474315215 · 22/05/2022 12:51

It honestly wouldn't bother me. You were no less clothed than you would be on the beach or in the swimming pool.

Lavenderlast · 22/05/2022 12:56

Mixed sex facilities = men’s facilities.

It sucks.

I boycott shops doing this and write to them to tell them why.

mycatisannoying · 22/05/2022 12:58

I got the fright of my life the other week in Primark, on seeing a bloke exit the opposite cubicle! Thing is, they don't even have proper doors. And I hadn't realised this was happening.

Georgeskitchen · 22/05/2022 13:01

YNBU. Town centres are complaining that they are dying because of online shopping. Things like this will push more and more women to shop for clothes online .I haven't used changing rooms for years, well before they started mixing them. I either shop online (mostly) or buy and try on home, and exchange if necessary

Lavenderlast · 22/05/2022 13:01

user1474315215 · 22/05/2022 12:51

It honestly wouldn't bother me. You were no less clothed than you would be on the beach or in the swimming pool.

No one asked if it bothers you.The point is that it bothers most women, and excludes us from trying on clothes in the way that we used to: with privacy from men.

All to accomodate the tiny, tiny number of transwomen who have aggressively lobbied for this change. Once again, men’s feelings are given priority over women’s.

Plus, how do you know that she was no less clothed than she would be in a pool? You try on bras with your own bra on underneath? Plus a lot of women don’t wear bras at all, I rarely bother. Don’t I have a right to get my top off in a changing room without men peering round the curtain? And if you think they don’t, you haven’t been reading the news.

jeaux90 · 22/05/2022 13:02

Yep bothers me too. I just don't shop in stores that have mixed sex changing rooms now.

Grumpybutfunny · 22/05/2022 13:09

If the old men's changing rooms are also mixed I'm all for it, drives me mad waiting ages for the ladies when the mens is empty.

I've never got why people are more bothered about the opposite sex seeing them naked than the same sex.

It might actually help woman feel more secure around men if it isn't held up as OMG needs to be single sex as men are so dangerous

Merryclaire · 22/05/2022 13:10

YANBU. A while ago I went into a mixed changing room and there was a dress left in there - it looked quite nice so I picked it up to have a look and then discovered that someone had, ahem, pleasured himself all down the front of the dress.
While I appreciate most blokes are not going to do this, I don’t see why women should have to be exposed to this kind of crap.
I don’t have an issue if a trans woman wants to use the changing room as they still have curtains, but would rather not share with men.
Also I agree I feel worried someone will open the curtain - especially when it’s one of those that directly adjoins the shop floor.

Crimeismymiddlename · 22/05/2022 13:11

I hate it, some shops have proper lockable doors, they are fine. Most don’t, like you I worry about horrible boys thinking it is funny to pull the curtains back, and worse things from men. If I do need to try something on I wait until the cubicle nearest the person at the door is.

jeaux90 · 22/05/2022 13:11

@Grumpybutfunny well when 98% of sexually violent crimes are committed by men (ONS statistics) women are rightfully concerned about their safety.

Dignity and privacy matters too!

AchatAVendre · 22/05/2022 13:12

Mind you, theres always been that one guy waiting on his wife/girlfriend in the changing rooms, who always seems to glance up as you come out in the single sex ones anyway and stares at you while you check the fit in the outside mirrors.

But I agree with you OP. So many of those changing rooms don't even have curtains that close properly.

I hate single sex public swimming pool changing rooms too. I've been followed by two men in one of the them and I absolutely avoid the ones in my nearest city's pool on a Saturday pm.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 22/05/2022 13:14

What would help women feel more secure Grumpy would be for men to stop committing sexual offences against women. And 98% of the offences are committed by men. Until then I'd like to keep protections in place.

skilpadde · 22/05/2022 13:19

Grumpybutfunny · 22/05/2022 13:09

If the old men's changing rooms are also mixed I'm all for it, drives me mad waiting ages for the ladies when the mens is empty.

I've never got why people are more bothered about the opposite sex seeing them naked than the same sex.

It might actually help woman feel more secure around men if it isn't held up as OMG needs to be single sex as men are so dangerous

You've never understood? The statistics on sexual crimes would enlighten you as to why it's much more frightening to be naked in front of men than women.

RoseGoldEagle · 22/05/2022 13:23

YANBU. I wouldn’t have tried the clothes on (not saying you shouldn’t have, I just know I’d have put them down and left the shop).

RoseGoldEagle · 22/05/2022 13:24

I've never got why people are more bothered about the opposite sex seeing them naked than the same sex.

Lucky you is all I can say to that!

amillionrosepetals · 22/05/2022 13:24

You are most definitely NBU. I will not use these changing rooms so if I change my mind once I've tried the clothes on at home then back they go. The only thing that will make this stop is if women boycott these types of changing rooms.

SpaceJamtart · 22/05/2022 13:24

I get why people don't like them. I don't like the curtain ones or the ones with horrible lighting so you look like a zombie, but in those circumstances i would just try it on at home and bring it back if it wasn't good. But I get that some people really want to try stuff on it the shop.

I don't mind them though, I would be just as uncomfortable if a random woman walked in on me as if a random man walked in on me.

And the friends I would go shopping with are men and its quite nice being able to get their opinion and to give an opinion on their choices.
Because there is so many people and its so public it feels safer to me than those quiet ones where it feels a bit creepy and if something bad were to happen nobody would be there to help.

Wilkolampshade · 22/05/2022 13:27

Yes it's awful. DD2 had some absolute fucking wanker 'accidently' pull her curtain back and stumble in on her in Primark in Peckham the other day. Awful.

AchatAVendre · 22/05/2022 13:32

Grumpy It might actually help woman feel more secure around men if it isn't held up as OMG needs to be single sex as men are so dangerous

I don't need help in feeling more secure around men. I want privacy while trying on clothes. I quite happily use a unisex naked spa when I'm visiting the country where I used to live, because its a safe, respectful environment and any men doing the staring thing that seems to be common here would be thrown out.

Feeling secure around dangerous men is a really bad idea.

Holly60 · 22/05/2022 13:37

I don't really get why it's different with men though. I've always done the uncomfortable dance even in single sex changing rooms. Why is the fact that some of the people happen to have willies more uncomfortable?

I sort of get some women feeling more vulnerable to attack, but just sort of more embarrassed?? Nope. I highly doubt the men getting changed and chatting to their girlfriends were any more bothered by a bit of your naked flesh than any of the women were to be honest.

Were you suddenly way more interested in your fellow changees just because some of them were men?? Did you find it header not to ogle at the men changing?? Thought not. You kept your head down and thought about how you looked in the clothes. The men were doing that too.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/05/2022 13:39

YANBU
Its awful and totally contravenes government guidelines, which specifies lockable floor to ceiling doors… not that these are a safe and good idea.

Albgo · 22/05/2022 13:42

@Grumpybutfunny but men are dangerous. Most violent and sexual crimes are committed by men. It's ridiculous to pretend otherwise.

Tiphaine · 22/05/2022 13:49

Mixed sex changing room put women at increased risk of sexual assault, harassment, and voyeurism.

"Almost 90% of reported sexual assaults, harassment and voyeurism in swimming pool and sports-centre changing rooms happen in unisex facilities, which make up less than half the total."

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/unisex-changing-rooms-put-women-in-danger-8lwbp8kgk

Grumpybutfunny · 22/05/2022 13:57

@Albgo men aren't anymore dangerous than woman, plenty of woman have been convicted of sex crimes. Thinking back to my childhood it would have been girls who were bullies that would have pulled back the curtain to embarrass the girl inside, boys would have just had a good scrap and that wouldn't have been the end of it. If a boy had pulled back the curtain they would have already been legging it in the opposite direction laughing. As a teenage girl I often had to get dressed infront of boys most looked the other way and blushed if they got a look!!

As for if a man opened the curtain I very much doubt he wouldn't be the only other person in the changing room to have any opportunity to do anything but look.