To hate most mixed sex fitting rooms

[Humbold]

I haven't been out shopping much post-Covid because it seemed pointless when the fitting rooms were closed. Went with my teenage daughter to pick up some summer clothes this week and was shocked by how many stores have gone for mixed sex changing rooms.

First stop was Primark. Headed to fitting room and noticed the mixed queue, got to the head and was pointed to changing area "it's mixed just pick any cubicle". I was a bit surprised but went with it thinking it would be fine as long as there were self-contained cubicles with floor-to-ceiling lockable doors. Got met with row upon row of curtained cubicles, hard to see which ones were occupied without angling myself to check down the gap at the side (they never seem to close over properly without much faffing) or looking at the bottom to see if I could see feet. Gingerly opened one and to my relief it was free. I hated it.

I was trying on a dress that involved me taking my shoes off and stripping down to my bra and knickers. My elbow would move the curtain every now and again so I was constantly checking it was closed over properly. I could hear teenage lads walking past and the girl in the next cubicle was squeezed in with her boyfriend who was chatting away. It was crazy. I felt so vulnerable and tense so didn't bother trying my other 2 dresses on.

Previously I would have got an outfit on and maybe if I needed help with the zip or wanted my friend/daughter's opinion I would come out into the communal area and look in the full length mirror. I might come out partially dressed (unbuttoned, unzipped etc...) and ask an assistant for the next size up etc... But there's no way you can do that in this mixed setting. When I pulled back the curtain there was a man waiting at the end of one row, looking on his phone, probably just waiting on his wife or girlfriend. It just felt wrong.

I remember when there were communal changing rooms and they were bad enough but at least they weren't mixed. My DD said she went to H&M with her boyfriend and they were exactly the same - just curtained. Her boyfriend came in and just sat on the floor at the end of a row of curtained cubicles and she said it didn't feel right but didn't say anything.

I've been to Cos and their changing rooms are completely self-contained, lockable, floor-to-ceiling cubicles. It's on a much smaller scale too which helps - probably a max of 10 cubicles. I can deal with that. But since when did shops think they could pile in 30/40/50 curtained spaces and mix in men with women and make the changing experience so bloody horrible? I haven't been in an M&S changing room for a while - are any of theirs going mixed? I'm concerned it's becoming a trend and I don't understand why.

As a young girl I'd have been worried about lads pulling back curtains 'accidentally'. As an adult I'm worried about anyone pulling back a curtain and exposing me in a state of undress but more uncomfortable if there's a chance my best mate's Dad is stood there! I'm not keen on shopping at the best of times but if this is the way things are going, it's online all the way for me. The High Street can do one.

AIBU?

What makes you think it was?

YANBU to not like them, but I much prefer them. I often shop with DH and like his opinion on potential outfits, just like I do when shopping with my sister or friends. Plus I’d really rather not see anyone coming out of the changing room half dressed to ask for help or a different size.

When DS gets older, it fixes any awkward issues of whether to take him into the ladies or leave him unsupervised too (he’s one at the minute so pretty sure he’s not offending anyone).

I guess shops will go with whatever they think is the most popular option. It’s rubbish if you don’t like it, but they can’t please everyone.

Is this a new thing? I’m sure mixed sex fitting rooms with curtains or doors have been around for ages. I don’t especially like them but I think I can remember using them in Primark 15 years ago.

Another good reason never to go to primark

Mind you I remember our local leisure centre had a terrible problem in the 90s with people drilling peepholes at genital level in the walls of the family/mixed sex changing areas.

The missing point here is that this is just the start.
Already we have had women raped, sexually assaulted and been made to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable in places they should feel secure in.
Such as hospitals and prisons, now changing rooms and toilets.
Now we have......

Women as natural women.
Pregnant women and mother's.
Rape crisis and counselling.
Women's careers.
Women's ' safe ' spaces.

All being eroded bit by bit by the trans community.

All the years of hard work that women have put into being taken seriously and accepted as equals are being eroded......in favour of men!
Don't kid yourself otherwise.

Now, not all men are sexual predators and the decent ones are actually siding with women on this issue, but don't assume that all men, trans or otherwise are harmless. They're far from it.

If you don't stand up for your rights as a woman, then those hard won rights will be lost forever, much to the detriment of your daughter's and granddaughters.

What makes you think it wasn’t a transwoman that had soiled the dress?

What makes you think it was?

Maybe because he'd gone into the changing room with a dress?

It was the sort of busy shop where clothes just get left in the changing rooms. Who knows - but I think it’s unfair to assume it was likely to be a trans woman.

I don’t want to bash genuine trans people, as I sympathise with how marginalised they are, but I do agree with this to a degree. Certainly over issues like women’s prisons and crisis centres.
I don’t know what the answer is though - maybe they need their own safe spaces.

Anyone who says they “don’t understand the problem / issue / upset” “isn’t an issue” “no worse than sharing with women” clearly has lived a very lucky life and are making these comments from a position of privilege and naivety and I really envy that in some ways.

meanwhile the rest of us live in the real world where men are the almost (not all but not far out) the sole cause of sexual assault, rape (they are the sole cause of this), violence against women and murder of women.

Are we likely to be murdered in a primark changing room - no. Are we likely to be secretly filmed, peeked at, wanked over, exposed to, subjected to deviant unwanted behaviour- yes

Fuck primark anyway - their use sweatshop labour tells you all you need to know.

I haven’t shopped there for a while and I definitely won’t be going forward.

This is possibly the most disingenuous comment so far, you are ridiculous and quite clearly do not give a shit about women’s safety or dignity.

I've never shopped anywhere with a mixed changing room.

It's very simple for me, single sex changing rooms and single sex loos or they don't get my custom.

I'd hand the clothes to an assistant and tell her why I was leaving, then she could waste her time putting them back on the right rail, just as they had wasted my time by not providing proper facilities.

The only way to deal with such shabbiness to to vote with your wallet (or lack of it).

It bothers me! I wouldnt want anyone to jump in while I was trying out stuff in my underwear. I boycott all shops with this policy

Yes don't be unfair, you big meanie, #bekind

🙄

How about:
it was a male human (post puberty)

It bothers me.

I used a very large changing room in Birmingham a few months ago (possibly H&M) on a weekday, so almost deserted and the curtains didn't close fully on either side.

I felt very unsafe and switched into "high alert" mode when I realised other customers (male) had followed me in to use the same facilities.

In this case, their intentions were perfectly innocent but that didn't stop me from feeling incredibly stressed and vulnerable.

It just seems to be at open invite for those rare people who want to take advantage.

YANBU. I never use changing rooms anymore for this reason. I order everything online in multiple sizes, then usually end up sending most of it back. Cant be cost effective for the shops.

This!

Agree with you 100% that changing rooms in stores should not be mixed sex.

Another reason to never shop in Primark.

That's a very generous description of men's intent in these situations.
Men are the perpetrators of violent and sexual crime (including peeping Tom's) against women. The last thing we need is to give them more opportunity.
If you haven't had that life experience as a woman then you are very fortunate.

In the USA the ACLU is going to court to argue that there is no difference between a female and a male.

That argument has already been raised as evidence in the UK.

In the USA the ACLU argue that a male rapist who identifies as a woman must be housed in female prison if he chooses that.

In the UK the policy is to house males in female prisons and hope for the best. The women prisoners can be sanctioned if they object or don't describe the male as a woman.

In the USA, same organisation, the ACLU, is campaigning that everybody; not women needs an abortion. Its no longer a womans right to choose it's everybody's right.

So how is that going to work in legislation?
the parent's right?
the male's right?
the birthing parent?

Since the avent of birth control more and more pregnancy been seen as a lifestyle choice. If anybody thinks that the removal of sex as a protected characteristic in the UK would not result in women of child bearing age being passed over for promotion "just in case" they are optimistically naive.

This. It's not like you strip off completely!

How can you tell the difference?