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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU wanting my partner to have a drink with me??

191 replies

Salvia89 · 20/05/2022 20:47

DP by admission isn’t a big drinker.. I enjoy a glass of wine or g&t etc and enjoy a drink a few nights a week. Usually 1 or 2 drinks.

What I’d really love, is on occasion (once or twice a month perhaps) to have a few drinks together.. get tipsy etc but DP “doesn’t like to drink at home”.

Thing is.. he’ll happily have 4 or 5 beers when we have friends over to watch the football.. in fact he’s asked me to do a long drive in a couple of weeks as it’s the morning following the cup final. I’m fine with this but just find it annoying that he’s happy to have a few drinks for football/ if he goes out with friends (every couple of months) but very rarely just between us. We rarely go out together because of DC.

I’ve never put pressure on him, but this evening would have loved to have shared a bottle of wine (or 2!) had some silly chat/dancing and maybe a tipsy shag!

AIBU? Part of me thinks that I’m a knob thinking this (his body/decisions etc) but another part of me long me for the days of past where I’d come home to housemates/past bfs and we’d have a few drinks on a Friday night!

All’s great in the relationship apart from this .. just a bit of a bugbear.

OP posts:
thevanilla · 20/05/2022 20:55

YABU. He doesn’t have to drink alcohol when he doesn’t fancy it

fluffycereal · 20/05/2022 20:56

YAB massively U

Nothappyatwork · 20/05/2022 20:57

Jesus Christ why do you don’t alcohol in the house I can’t even comprehend why anybody would want to have a drink with you at home it’s not normal behaviour

catless · 20/05/2022 20:57

I'd find this annoying too.

Testina · 20/05/2022 20:58

I think that’s really sad that you’re so keen to both be “tipsy”. Drunk, really. Every other week.

Nothappyatwork · 20/05/2022 20:59

Sorry AutoCorrect I cannot comprehend why anybody would want to sit around in their own home drinking alcohol and I don’t understand why you would pressure somebody else to do so for me alcohol is something that you have when you are in Company, when you are out, more importantly when it’s a special occasion not just cause it’s a wet Wednesday in Walthamstow

NoCauseRebel · 20/05/2022 21:01

My eXH when we split wrote out a list of things he wasn’t going to miss about me, and one of them was that he wasn’t going to miss the fact that when he had a glass of wine I wouldn’t have one with him.

Did I mention he was my ex?

Ladyelizabeth · 20/05/2022 21:01

You want to force someone to drink? Wow

Aquamarine1029 · 20/05/2022 21:01

It's crazy how unreasonable you're being. You sound very immature, frankly.

rebelyellow · 20/05/2022 21:01

I think that’s really sad that you’re so keen to both be “tipsy”. Drunk, really. Every other week

Meanwhile, back in the real world.... adults have a couple of drinks to relax. Would it be ok for someone to be "really sad" that you don't actually get why this is enjoyable?

hilbil21 · 20/05/2022 21:03

I'm going to go against the grain and say I kind of agree with you. My husband is happy enough to have a drink in the house with friends round, but says it's boring otherwise. Therefore I must be boring I guess lol. I just have a drink if I want one anyway Smile

CoralieBoralie · 20/05/2022 21:03

I hate reading stuff like this 😬 As a recovering alcoholic (and I realise this isn't your DH!) I guess it's quite...triggering? A part of me gets this, but really, just leave him alone. He doesn't have to drink when he doesn't want to!

autienotnaughty · 20/05/2022 21:04

Ridiculous comments as usual. Yes I can see why it's annoying it would be nice for you to have a few drinks together once in a while.

Nosetickle · 20/05/2022 21:04

I get where you’re coming from but can’t you just enjoy a nice evening together chatting, dancing and whatever without getting drunk? Do you need to drink to enjoy each other’s company? I think that’s the real problem if that’s the case. I’m a social drinker, I don’t see the point in drinking when it’s just me and my husband at home and he feels the same, we don’t need anything to help us relax and enjoy each other’s company. And if you don’t drink then you don’t have a hangover the next morning which is a bonus!

CoralieBoralie · 20/05/2022 21:05

It's not 'abnormal' behaviour to have a drink at home though 🤔

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 20/05/2022 21:06

Sounds like you want an excuse to drink.

Bryonny84 · 20/05/2022 21:07

Nothappyatwork · 20/05/2022 20:59

Sorry AutoCorrect I cannot comprehend why anybody would want to sit around in their own home drinking alcohol and I don’t understand why you would pressure somebody else to do so for me alcohol is something that you have when you are in Company, when you are out, more importantly when it’s a special occasion not just cause it’s a wet Wednesday in Walthamstow

You can't comprehend it? Really? Well maybe some folk fancy a drink watching the film once the kids are in bed at the weekend or you've had a shit day at work and just have a glass of wine with your tea?

Drinks in the pub/restaurant aren't cheap so maybe you have some wine/beer at home instead.

I think you're being a bit rigid but each to their own. Wet Wednesdays in Walthamstow or Wigan or Wick can be instantly cheered up with a drink at the end of the day. And no I don't have a drink problem.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 20/05/2022 21:07

I love sharing a bottle of wine with my husband - I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Snowpatrolling · 20/05/2022 21:08

I dont really drink, last time I got tipsy was may bank holiday 2018.
id be pretty pissed off at someone getting annoyed with me for not drinking!

EmmaH2022 · 20/05/2022 21:09

Nothappyatwork · 20/05/2022 20:59

Sorry AutoCorrect I cannot comprehend why anybody would want to sit around in their own home drinking alcohol and I don’t understand why you would pressure somebody else to do so for me alcohol is something that you have when you are in Company, when you are out, more importantly when it’s a special occasion not just cause it’s a wet Wednesday in Walthamstow

So introverts who don't go out or have many friends, must be teetotal?

weird.

i'm less likely to drink alcohol when out on account of the cost. Also, I used to be the designated driver.

NavaniKholinRocks · 20/05/2022 21:09

I think the thing here that makes me think YANBU is that as you say he’s happy to have a couple of drinks at other times, so I totally understand why you would want him to want to do that with you too. Maybe you’re feeling like him not wanting to do that is him somehow rejecting you?

Hippychickster · 20/05/2022 21:09

Crikey, I totally disagree with everyone. If I have had a drink, I quite like it if my DH has too.

Sometimes he comes home from the pub and we listen to music etc. Sometimes, neither of us has been out, we have a glass of wine (or 3) and have a dance to Johnny Cash.

And before MN jumps on me, DH probably goes out once a week.

fluffycereal · 20/05/2022 21:09

sunflowerdaisyrose · 20/05/2022 21:07

I love sharing a bottle of wine with my husband - I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Presumably your husband wants to drink wine with you? OP husband done not want to.

userxx · 20/05/2022 21:09

Testina · 20/05/2022 20:58

I think that’s really sad that you’re so keen to both be “tipsy”. Drunk, really. Every other week.

Jesus, you want to meet my friends, you'd be utterly disgusted by their brazen godless behaviour. Hell is waiting for them.

EmmaH2022 · 20/05/2022 21:10

OP, it is U to want someone to have a drink when they don't want one.