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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU wanting my partner to have a drink with me??

191 replies

Salvia89 · 20/05/2022 20:47

DP by admission isn’t a big drinker.. I enjoy a glass of wine or g&t etc and enjoy a drink a few nights a week. Usually 1 or 2 drinks.

What I’d really love, is on occasion (once or twice a month perhaps) to have a few drinks together.. get tipsy etc but DP “doesn’t like to drink at home”.

Thing is.. he’ll happily have 4 or 5 beers when we have friends over to watch the football.. in fact he’s asked me to do a long drive in a couple of weeks as it’s the morning following the cup final. I’m fine with this but just find it annoying that he’s happy to have a few drinks for football/ if he goes out with friends (every couple of months) but very rarely just between us. We rarely go out together because of DC.

I’ve never put pressure on him, but this evening would have loved to have shared a bottle of wine (or 2!) had some silly chat/dancing and maybe a tipsy shag!

AIBU? Part of me thinks that I’m a knob thinking this (his body/decisions etc) but another part of me long me for the days of past where I’d come home to housemates/past bfs and we’d have a few drinks on a Friday night!

All’s great in the relationship apart from this .. just a bit of a bugbear.

OP posts:
Confusedteacher · 20/05/2022 23:09

I totally understand what you mean. I really like having a bottle of wine together and either watching a movie or just a chat and a giggle together. However I also agree with whoever said the alcohol is a bit of a red herring, it’s just spending time together and having fun that is the important bit. Sometimes I’ll have a glass of wine and DH has a a cup of tea but we still have fun together- as long as you’re connecting and enjoying each other’s company that’s what’s important!

Kite22 · 20/05/2022 23:11

Meanwhile, back in the real world.... adults have a couple of drinks to relax.

But the OP isn't talking about having a couple of drinks - she is talking about a couple of bottles. that is completely different.

As is having some drinks when friends come over to socialise. That makes it an 'occasion'. It is the equivalent of 'a night out' for people who have dc. Lots of people would drink at a party / BBQ / dinner / evening out, but wouldn't want to get into the habit of sinking a couple of bottles of wine at home when no-one is round for a social occasion.

Bunnyfuller · 20/05/2022 23:12

I get it op, if he’s ok having drinks with his friends, why not with you?

5128gap · 20/05/2022 23:18

OP, from my perspective of having relationships destroyed by problem drinking, and the memories of that sick dread when the inevitable Friday bottle appeared, you're living the dream.
Its a very small sacrifice you're making in an otherwise good relationship.
Try to appreciate what you have and don't find fault where there is none.

onlythreenow · 20/05/2022 23:20

If you want to drink that's fine (despsite what some posters on here think), but YABU to want your partner to drink if he says he doesn't want to. Having a few drinks when friends come around is not the same thing at all.

SunnySundayMornings · 20/05/2022 23:21

I absolutely love our friday night drinks, boardgames & takeaway night. If DH didn't have a couple of drinks it wouldn't be the same. We don't get hammered or anything but we put the record player on and play games to unwind from a stressful week of work.

150poundrebate · 20/05/2022 23:22

userxx · 20/05/2022 21:09

Jesus, you want to meet my friends, you'd be utterly disgusted by their brazen godless behaviour. Hell is waiting for them.

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😂

FunnysInLaJardin · 20/05/2022 23:27

In the olden days most mums netters were fully on board for. few bottles of wine of an eve.

Tis only recently that the whole site has become a fucking bore!

FunnysInLaJardin · 20/05/2022 23:28

ha, mumsnetters and ignore the random full stop instead of an a!

Mylittlepea · 20/05/2022 23:30

OP, I totally get it.

AA is not beckoning just yet if you want just want to get tipsy a couple of times a month🙄- who doesn’t want to chill and enjoy a relaxing Friday night and if wine is part of that, go for it. There’s a lot of F’ing dull sofas out there in MN world.

Carry on with your cups of tea and sensible chat. I don’t drink 5 days a week, hold down a good job, am a good mum, wife, daughter, spin all the plates etc but I like share a few drinks with my DH at the weekend, no harm done ✔️

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 20/05/2022 23:31

Kite22 · 20/05/2022 23:11

Meanwhile, back in the real world.... adults have a couple of drinks to relax.

But the OP isn't talking about having a couple of drinks - she is talking about a couple of bottles. that is completely different.

As is having some drinks when friends come over to socialise. That makes it an 'occasion'. It is the equivalent of 'a night out' for people who have dc. Lots of people would drink at a party / BBQ / dinner / evening out, but wouldn't want to get into the habit of sinking a couple of bottles of wine at home when no-one is round for a social occasion.

I've drank a bottle of wine to myself. 2 buds and DP has just poured me a g and t. I am not remotely pissed. A couple of bottles doesn't mean you're completely sloshed either

MrsBlaue · 20/05/2022 23:31

rebelyellow · 20/05/2022 21:01

I think that’s really sad that you’re so keen to both be “tipsy”. Drunk, really. Every other week

Meanwhile, back in the real world.... adults have a couple of drinks to relax. Would it be ok for someone to be "really sad" that you don't actually get why this is enjoyable?

It’s ridiculous to say it is “sad” to drink wine on weekends. What a sado😂

FromEden · 20/05/2022 23:36

Jesus, some people on here are really losing the run of themselves. It's normal for a married couple to have a drink together on occasion, even at home! Gasp! And as for the person saying that a married couple having tipsy sex isn't with full consent...get a grip you absolute weirdo lol. Do you know what 'tipsy ' means? It doesn't mean one partner is passed out cold ffs.

ImInStealthMode · 20/05/2022 23:38

I see where you're coming from OP. Some of my favourite nights with DP are the occasional ones when we share a bottle of wine (or even 2!), watch some comedy or listen to some music, chat, smooch, maybe have a tipsy shag.

We have plenty of completely sober lovely times together too (before the pearl-clutchers come along to chastise us for being lushes Hmm ) but relaxing with a drink together is nice, as part of a balanced lifestyle/relationship.

If your partner didn't drink at all of course you'd be wildly unreasonable but if he's perfectly happy to sit at home and drink a beer while the footie's on it seems a bit odd that he won't for a nice night in with you.

Kite22 · 21/05/2022 00:42

I've drank a bottle of wine to myself. 2 buds and DP has just poured me a g and t. I am not remotely pissed. A couple of bottles doesn't mean you're completely sloshed either

........although it means you have had, in one evening, the number of units of alcohol it is recommended you don't exceed over the course of a week.

I'd worried about how much alcohol a person is regularly consuming if downing a whole bottle of wine, 2 beers, and a home measure of G&T in an evening doesn't affect them at all.

bloodyplanes · 21/05/2022 00:58

I very rarely drink and cannot stand anyone let alone a partner trying to coerce me to do so. I honestly don't understand why people try to force alcohol on others, I don't try and force sobriety on people having a drink. Drunk people talk shit, they are boring and repetitive, it would be my idea of hell to sit and converse with someone who has had a few drinks.

thevanilla · 21/05/2022 01:00

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 20/05/2022 23:31

I've drank a bottle of wine to myself. 2 buds and DP has just poured me a g and t. I am not remotely pissed. A couple of bottles doesn't mean you're completely sloshed either

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it’s not really relevant that you’re pissed or not. That amount of booze in one sitting is ridiculous (and I like a drink)

skybluee · 21/05/2022 01:02

Nothappyatwork, a pint of beer is £7 or more when out, or £1 at home. Some people don't like pubs (the atmosphere in them) or they are clinically vulnerable etc. Or they just prefer being at home. If someone is drinking once a month but only does it at home or someone else's home it isn't a problem, it's a different way of doing things to you, why should it have to be out in a pub? Actually what is a problem is an inability to see that people are different. As long as it's at most (for me) once or twice a week I don't see the problem.

IDreamOfTheMoors · 21/05/2022 01:07

I’m not that big of a drinker — my ex was. A scotch or five every night.

Once, I got up in the morning and wandered out for coffee, and there he sat at the computer in his bathrobe — eating bran cereal out of the box and drinking a scotch.

It was 7am. It gave me the permanent ICK.

BadLad · 21/05/2022 01:11

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 20/05/2022 23:05

Indeed. Every parent must always be ready with a car and completely sober At All Times

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We just leave DS in the car, strapped in his car seat, at all times.

Lanareyrey · 21/05/2022 01:17

Feel lucky your husband isn’t a big drinker. There are other ways to have fun.

autienotnaughty · 21/05/2022 04:15

SunnySundayMornings · 20/05/2022 23:21

I absolutely love our friday night drinks, boardgames & takeaway night. If DH didn't have a couple of drinks it wouldn't be the same. We don't get hammered or anything but we put the record player on and play games to unwind from a stressful week of work.

I would love this!! Unfortunately my dh doesn't like board games!

Mydogsanasshole · 21/05/2022 04:32

I get what you’re saying and understand but people have different attitudes to alcohol. I never (or very very rarely) drink when I’m out as I have a real thing about how to get home so I choose to drive. My OH likes to drink with friends at the pub and I’ll drop him off or collect him. I prefer a few drinks at home because I know

  1. I’m home
  2. I can go to bed when I like.
  3. If one of us ever drinks the other doesn’t. We have a 4yo and I’m a carer for my mum-in-law so if anything ever happened someone is sober to drive. Could you maybe have a ‘date night’ where you both enjoy a meal and a few drinks? (in or out)
Lanareyrey · 21/05/2022 04:55

5128gap · 20/05/2022 23:18

OP, from my perspective of having relationships destroyed by problem drinking, and the memories of that sick dread when the inevitable Friday bottle appeared, you're living the dream.
Its a very small sacrifice you're making in an otherwise good relationship.
Try to appreciate what you have and don't find fault where there is none.

100% this

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/05/2022 07:23

thevanilla · 21/05/2022 01:00

it’s not really relevant that you’re pissed or not. That amount of booze in one sitting is ridiculous (and I like a drink)

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Ridiculous? It really isn't. I don't do it every night