AIBU wanting my partner to have a drink with me??

[Salvia89]

DP by admission isn’t a big drinker.. I enjoy a glass of wine or g&t etc and enjoy a drink a few nights a week. Usually 1 or 2 drinks.

What I’d really love, is on occasion (once or twice a month perhaps) to have a few drinks together.. get tipsy etc but DP “doesn’t like to drink at home”.

Thing is.. he’ll happily have 4 or 5 beers when we have friends over to watch the football.. in fact he’s asked me to do a long drive in a couple of weeks as it’s the morning following the cup final. I’m fine with this but just find it annoying that he’s happy to have a few drinks for football/ if he goes out with friends (every couple of months) but very rarely just between us. We rarely go out together because of DC.

I’ve never put pressure on him, but this evening would have loved to have shared a bottle of wine (or 2!) had some silly chat/dancing and maybe a tipsy shag!

AIBU? Part of me thinks that I’m a knob thinking this (his body/decisions etc) but another part of me long me for the days of past where I’d come home to housemates/past bfs and we’d have a few drinks on a Friday night!

All’s great in the relationship apart from this .. just a bit of a bugbear.

The drunken Shag is a bit iffy. How can one consent fully? Either way I rarely drink and I really object to being coerced into drinking by my partner.

does he normally enjoy wine? maybe see if he would be happy to have a beer when you have some wine or whatever his favourite drink is

Dh is fairly similar, except he never drinks at home, just a few at Christmas, we had a bottle of beer when I did a nice meal a few weeks ago. He’ll drink when out. I rarely drink myself, but enjoy a glass occasionally, but won’t drink alone (because I feel he’s judging me-he isn’t) But, I’d never expect him to drink because I am.

Tipsy not comatose.

we loose our inhibitions and are mostly more confident.

my Step dad hated drinking at home but loved the pub.. atmosphere, or just plain getting out the house

FFS. 🙄

how can they consent to a tipsy shag?

Seriously?

I get where you’re coming from OP. I’d love it if my partner would watch tv or game with me in the evenings now and then but he doesn’t like the same things as me so he games with his friends instead or watches youtube in bed.

I do feel wistful, and envious of those couples who are on the same wavelength, but I wouldn’t dream of asking him to do it just because I want to.

hi OP. I think you’re getting a tough time here because the people who would agree with you are too busy having a nice time on their Friday night rather than sniping on Mumsnet 🤣.
I had a lovely evening with DH. We shared almost a bottle of wine whilst cooking and then sat outside to eat, just us, and chat. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your evening with a little wine as long as it’s not a lot and not too frequent.

I get where you're coming from, OP.

I agree.

I hear ya

I don't think it's sad that Op wants to have a few drinks with her husband but I don't think it's unreasonable to pressure someone who doesn't want to drink and it's def not ok to pressure someone to drink a few times a month.

But on threads about alcohol where someone doesn't drink and says it seems to bother the people who do like a drink and that it gets commented on, posters will say most people don't care or don't expect anyone anyone else to drink just because they do, but some replies on here suggest they do care and expect their partner to drink for them.

I stopped drinking when I hit 30 because I've actually never liked the feeling of being tipsy or drunk, I drank to fit in and felt like shit the day after so I just mostly stopped. Ten years later it still gets commented on if I'm at a wedding or something but dh learnt to stop with the moaning and pressure after a while because I was becoming unhappy and dreading some weekends when he'd be like "come in have a few with me" etc

Occasionally if I wanted a drink I would have one or two but only if I was in the mood for it and only things I actually liked the taste of and if actually wanted it, and that made some of the comments worse because Dh did say things like "you had a cocktail with your friends when you had lunch but won't share a few bottles of wine with me" and my mother "saw a photo of you with a cocktail at so and so's birthday meal so you can have a few drinks at my party" so for a long time I just didn't even have the odd cocktail because it wasn't worth the expectation because I've had one drink with a friend then I must get drunk at home with dh or at other places or it's some kind of proof I care for them less or something stupid.

Dh stopped the pestering and moaning when I told him he's starting to make me feel guilty for not drinking regularly with him and asked if he'd rather split and find a woman who did want to drink at home every week or every other week and he said he didn't realise that's how much he was going on and said he wants to teach our daughter she can say no to drink and drugs and not bow to peer pressure and didn't realise he was doing it to his own wife. He doesn't drink much now himself either.

I’m sorry OP but it’s unreasonable to pressure someone into drinking alcohol. In addition, once we had our DC one of us is stone cold sober at all times. When you have children in the house, it’s reckless to both be tipsy at the same time imho.

I’ve never really understood the want or need to get tipsy/drunk to have a good time, but my ex being an alcoholic (long time recovering thankfully) probably has a lot to do with that. It’s a bit weird to want your DP to deliberately get tipsy for you.

That's a total misrepresentation of the OP's post. As you'd admit if you read them properly. She sounds wistful to me, not moaning about the lack of drunken shags.

Yes massively immature
Plus do you have kids? What if they were poorly and you were both "tipsy"

YABU. His body, his choice. Nothing worse than being pressured to drink when you don’t want to, I’d feel like a teenager in a bloody field with a £3 bottle of cider and my mates saying oh go on 🙄

I get what you mean, I'd feel the same way.

Glad to see that MN stalwart of only parent at a time being allowed a glass of wine is still in circulation.

I don't drink at all but dp manages to drink alcohol whilst I drink tea or whatever with him. If he got narky at me for not drinking he'd be told to piss off.😬

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all! Not once have you said you’re trying to force him like is being implied! It’s just a ‘would be nice of’ & I would feel the same.

i don’t think you can compare having friends round to being in the house together.

You are both together on an evening, a lot of the time. Having friends round for a get together isn’t a usual evening.

You want to do that same thing that you do most other nights, but get tipsy. I would find that incredibly boring.

I don’t think there’s an issue with drinking at home at all. But I don’t really get drinking with the aim of getting tipsy.

I may enjoy a glass or two with a friend (very occasionally) but I don't want to drink at home whit dh.
My main reason is if I drink with him he feels encouraged to overdo it- frequency + quantity and I prefer him much more when he's not 'tipsy'.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to feel the way you do. As long as you appreciate he is fully not in the wrong for not wanting to drink, therefore there's nothing you can do.

Some of these comments are ridiculous, you can enjoy a drink at home without having a problem.

Me and my boyfriend are similar by the sounds of it, we have a great relationship, and have lots of sober fun. But occasionally when we have got a bit tipsy we have had some really silly fun nights with disinhibited funny clumsy sex and it's been great. We've both loved those nights but he very rarely drinks, so they don't happen as much I'd like, but he doesn't want to drink and that's fine. We still have a great relationship.