AIBU wanting my partner to have a drink with me??

[Salvia89]

DP by admission isn’t a big drinker.. I enjoy a glass of wine or g&t etc and enjoy a drink a few nights a week. Usually 1 or 2 drinks.

What I’d really love, is on occasion (once or twice a month perhaps) to have a few drinks together.. get tipsy etc but DP “doesn’t like to drink at home”.

Thing is.. he’ll happily have 4 or 5 beers when we have friends over to watch the football.. in fact he’s asked me to do a long drive in a couple of weeks as it’s the morning following the cup final. I’m fine with this but just find it annoying that he’s happy to have a few drinks for football/ if he goes out with friends (every couple of months) but very rarely just between us. We rarely go out together because of DC.

I’ve never put pressure on him, but this evening would have loved to have shared a bottle of wine (or 2!) had some silly chat/dancing and maybe a tipsy shag!

AIBU? Part of me thinks that I’m a knob thinking this (his body/decisions etc) but another part of me long me for the days of past where I’d come home to housemates/past bfs and we’d have a few drinks on a Friday night!

All’s great in the relationship apart from this .. just a bit of a bugbear.

I get what your saying - he “has fun” with friends but doesn’t seem to with you. It’s not about the actual alcohol (I hope) but the fact you two don’t have fun together. Have you talked about other things to do together that’s fun? I don’t have answers as we’re not great at it either, I kind of envy the “kitchen disco” families a bit.

YABU to want anyone to drink for your own sake.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to go out and have a few drinks with your partner. If he doesn't want to though, you can't expect it. Is there other things you can do, a meal out?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable, and I rarely drink at home!
I’d love to sit with my DH from time to time, and share some booze. It’s not about the alcohol, it’s about relaxing together, letting your hair down!

We never do this either op, due to work schedules, kids, caring for my Mum, feeling knackered etc etc…..

I would love to though, and I know where you’re coming from.

Since when was drinking a bottle of wine between 2 people abnormal?
stop shaking people for drinking at home.
I never go out so sometimes I enjoy a glass or 2 at home, it doesn’t make me satan or an alcoholic.

Drunken fumbles are also perfectly acceptable

Shaming not shaking!
Damn autocorrect, I haven’t had 3 bottles of wine!

The inference you're making is that nights in with him are "boring" unless you're both "tipsy drunk".

Why can't you have silly chat/a laugh/dance/shag without him drinking alcohol??

Maybe you're really annoying when you've had a drink?

I'm in the same boat, OP! I don't think you're being unreasonable.

His body his choice, can you imagine a man coming on here complaining his wife won't have a drunk shag, even though he knew she didn't really want to.

Wow. The sanctimony with some of these replies. I think you need to loosen up. Go and pour yourselves a big, juicy glass of red 🍷

Wow, judgy much?! People aren't all the same - clearly this will come as a shock, if your post reflects your general attitude to life. It's absolutely fine to have a glass or two of wine of an evening - in fact it's a very normal, common thing to do. Even the Queen does it!

Get off your high horse and unclench.

I think you need to get a babysitter and go out together. Do you get to go out with friends?

Oh, and before I'm accused of being part of the problem or a raging alkie - I don't drink at all. I just don't share the more hysterical MNers' views that more than an occasional Baileys at Christmas makes you a drunk.

Thanks all.. but of a mixed bag but I’m glad some of you can see where I’m coming from!

Just to be clear, I never try to force him to drink with me.. I agree that that would be massively unreasonable! And plus, it would ruin it anyway.. I’d want him to want to share a bottle of wine anyway rather than be forced as that would ruin any fun anyway!

A couple of you have “got” it that it’s annoying that he’ll have a few drinks with friends but not with me. Guess it feels mildly rejecting.

Either way it’s not the end of the world.. I have friends that I can have a few sofa wines with!

Oh and we have loads of sober fun together.. like I said, this is just a bit of a bugbear.. would have loved to have a wine with him this evening.. I had one wine and now we’re both watching Netflix and drinking squash 😂

Yeah we do once in a blue moon. Thing is.. it costs a fortune these days so it’s not quite as fun as it once was when you’re gawping at paying £10 for a cocktail 🤣.

I do sort of get your feelings OP, but I also do think you're being unreasonable.

My DP is a little bit like this too, he will sometimes get the hump if I don't want to sit in the pub with him and have a few drinks, but then I might have a couple when out with friends the week after or something.

I understand the sentiment but the reality is it's very different having some drinks over a few hours while having dinner and chatting with friends you haven't seen for a while and sitting in a pub/at home just drinking for the sake of it with your other half. My DP also drinks a lot more than my friends and so I end up having a lot more with him than I ever do with them, so it's completely different to me. Also, sometimes plans with friends naturally involve

It's nothing to do with him personally

Sanctimony? Have a think about what you are saying here

Whoops, dunno what happened, half my post got cut off!!

To shorten my point LOL....I feel completely differently about having a drink with my friends, where the situation may call for it (eg your DP's footie match) and where there is no pressure if I don't, than I do about drinking either at home or out with my DP, who can put away a lot more than me.

I do get why you feel frustrated about it when it doesn't seem a problem for him with other people, but I'm guessing he just doesn't feel the need for it when you're spending time together and also is not in a situation where it would stand out if he doesn't have a drink or two (like when he's with his mates).

Personally I just think alcohol is the most available destructive drug that we have. I’ve seen in communities where it literally ruins everyone’s lives. Loosely banding around the idea that you could be sat on a sofa on a Wednesday swigging wine or using it as a crutch if you’ve had a bad day, yeah no.

pressurising people who don’t want to drink to join you to make yourself feel better about your addiction it’s just a bit unsavoury isn’t it ?

This has really tickled me. I hope he managed to convince himself in the end😂

I don’t think YABU at all - but this is mumsnet where having one thimble sized glass of wine once a year makes you an alcoholic so you will probably get lots more judgy replies!

I agree, I don't care about the pearl clutches, we are not alcoholics but sharing a drink, having a dance and a 'tipsy shag' is great fun . I would miss it.

God forbid you’d want to have a couple of drinks and enjoy a cheeky shag at home with the man you love who is neither abused, a recovering alcoholic or teetotaller.

how fucking dare you

Scrap my previous reply. This is what I meant.

How fucking dare you.