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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make child pay for his own uniform?

395 replies

Unifrom · 20/05/2022 17:40

My child is 8 and is very unorganised, he’s constantly losing his belongings at school and with the cost of living I can’t keep up like this. They never get found/returned despite them all being labelled.

The latest thing is his fleece, that costs £19. Went missing on Monday and hasn’t been handed in, need to sort it. He gets pocket money at £2 per week and saves this up to buy something big, so he can cover this.

Me and DH can’t agree on whether he should have to pay for the cost of a new one out of pocket money.

So AIBU to think it would be a good life lesson for him to have to pay for a replacement? Or is he too young to have to pay for his own uniform?

OP posts:
Badgirlriri · 20/05/2022 17:41

Too young. He’s 8.

FabulousKilljoys · 20/05/2022 17:42

He's 8 ffs.

Lancrelady80 · 20/05/2022 17:42

Agree, too young.

InChocolateWeTrust · 20/05/2022 17:42

Its difficult.

I think too young to pay the full cost but maybe a sliding scale. 10% of first item lost, 20% etc etc.

Although if he really is losing this much stuff, does he have any SEN or something that might explain it?

Jeansgoals · 20/05/2022 17:43

We've said similar but couldn't actually do it. You need to go into school and actively go through the lost property. I used to do this regularly.

balalake · 20/05/2022 17:43

I would for this one occasion and hope it is effective.

Quartz2208 · 20/05/2022 17:43

Are you allowed to go in and have a look round the school

Jeansgoals · 20/05/2022 17:44

Just to add that our forgetful ds now has a bit of anxiety around his belongings as we have gone on at him so much about it.

Furrbabymama87 · 20/05/2022 17:45

No don't be mean.

Cantfollowmeround · 20/05/2022 17:46

You're an adult. £19 is worth far more to him than it is to you. He is 8 and losing 10 weeks pocket money for something that kids do is harsh. You need to help him stay organised. Are you usually this mean to him?

DirectionToPerfection · 20/05/2022 17:47

That would be a really nasty thing to do to an 8 year old, and the kind of thing he'll remember into adulthood.

I know it's frustrating but he's only 8. If he was 15 fair enough.

Meem321 · 20/05/2022 17:47

Lack of ability to organise/losing things can be an indicator of dyslexia, so no, I wouldn't punish him. I'd be talking to the school and asking for their support in organising himself.

Dinotastic · 20/05/2022 17:47

I think you need to speak to school about how they deal with lost property - there should be an accessible place for it which children are encouraged to look in if they’ve lost something. Not sure I’d make an 8yo pay for their own uniform… perhaps explain why he needs to be more careful and try a small reward if he can go e.g. a month without losing anything?

WimpoleHat · 20/05/2022 17:48

He’s 8. And schools aren’t very helpful with this. And an 8 year old doesn’t have the agency to say to a teacher, “Excuse me, Mrs Smith - but I really need to spend lunchtime looking for my fleece”. It’s hard.

Hadalifeonce · 20/05/2022 17:49

This used to happen to my DS, I couldn't understand how labelled items went completely AWOL. Turned out, they had help disappearing!
I didn't find out until a long time after this happened, and blamed DS at the time.

Dinotastic · 20/05/2022 17:49

Also, my DD loses stuff all the time and she’s dyspraxic - could there be an underlying issue here?

PoseyFlump · 20/05/2022 17:49

When you say he gets £2 a week, is it saved up in a pot?

Could you show him what £19 looks like compared to his £2 a week so he can get an understanding of how much you need to find to replace the lost item? But please don't actually take his money on this occasion, he's too young imo.

StageRage · 20/05/2022 17:50

Is is a uniform fleece? That’s an outrageous cost for a school uniform fleece for an 8 year old!

I know it is exasperating but I think 8 is too young to tap for £18.

And be warned, it goes on until they leave secondary.

Original poster
Unifrom · 20/05/2022 17:51

No SEN, he’s otherwise very well behaved, just entirely unorganised and doesn’t respect his belongings at all. Even with his Lego sets, within a day he’s lost half the pieces - it’s quite impressive how quickly everything he has disappears or is broken.

Have checked with the office and TA. I do wonder if someone’s keeping it deliberately at this point.

OP posts:
Trafficjamlog · 20/05/2022 17:52

I did this when my child was about 9. He was constantly losing school sweatshirts and in the end I made him pay for a new one. He showed no interest or remorse at losing them and he assumed they would just be replaced. I made him pay for a new one. Think I took £5 off him and after that o don’t think he lost another one. It was an important lesson for Him

RandomUsernameHere · 20/05/2022 17:52

If everything is named and never gets returned it sounds like it's being stolen. Stuff doesn't just disappear into thin air. No way would I make him pay.

Darbs76 · 20/05/2022 17:54

No. Agree too young

Roastonsun8 · 20/05/2022 17:55

Have you spoken to the teacher? He's too young OP and it's cruel.

DS coat went missing or he left it.... it was on a Friday some how it was found the following week in the playground.

Are you sure nobody is stealing if the items are never returned?

Original poster
Unifrom · 20/05/2022 17:56

I don’t think his stuffs being stolen as it’s alw

OP posts:
2bazookas · 20/05/2022 17:57

I'd take him to buy a replacement from a charity shop, and he contributes this weeks pocket money to the price.