To worry that no state, non-selective secondary schools are good enough.

[SecondarySnob]

I know I am BU. I know there will be loads of people who send their kids to the local comp and their kids do fine and get good results and aren't exposed to hideous language and behaviour daily.

But.

I can't see how that could happen having researched all of the local schools.

Oldest DD is 9yo. So this reality is suddenly hitting me.

We're in a non-Grammar area. (DH and I grew up in a different county and went to grammars)

There's a girls grammar 10 miles away which has its own entrance exam so that's where I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her.

I'm also trying to work out how we can afford private school.

Because I've looked at results, spoken to friends who work in local comps, had them kids pass me when out and about, seen them walking to and from school, seen posts on local Facebook pages.

And I just can't see how my DD would get through 5 years at any of them and achieve what she's capable of and come out happy and confident like she deserves to be.

I don't want her to get straight A*s but I do want her to feel comfortable and supported enough to achieve the best she can.

I know this will get flamed by most. As it sounds horribly horribly snobby. I guess my background of going to a school that expected a lot of us means I was sheltered from the reality of a lot of teenage life.

But I'm hoping there are some mums out there like me who are worried at how secondary schools are.

And if so how did you make it work for your kids? Private education? Moving house?

I think this must be the most nidicolous post I have ever read on MN, are you seriously thinking that grammars for instance are immune to bad language or "bad boys" you are seriously kidding yourself. Go check out your schools and make an informed choice, where we live the poshest school has the biggest drug problem but hey ho they are "naice" kids so it doesn't matter

Thanks for your help. You've clearly read the full thread.

I went to two independent, selective schools (one single sex and one mixed) and I currently teach in a state comp so it's safe to say I have a range of experience.

Teenagers have the ability to be delightful and vile in equal measure across all types of schools. As a pupil, I experienced the cruelty of bullies and entitled behaviour as well as benefiting from a wider variety of opportunities and resources and smaller class sizes etc. So, a mixed bag. As a teacher I see the difficulties of working with large classes, behavioural issues and less resources but I also see the positives.

I think it really boils down to the school itself not the type of school it is - as there will be issues of some sort wherever you send her.

However, I do think it's best to admit to yourself that vile sexual language and sexist attitudes are a systemic issue and something that, unless things improve drastically in the next two years, your daughter is unfortunately going to be exposed to wherever she goes to school.

My 2 children go to private school as I’m a teacher in the local state schools and I would not send mine there. The schools have no money, hardly any teachers and behaviour is terrible. And these are good schools! My children have thrived at private. If anyone gets a detention it’s the talk of the school it’s so rare. They do fantastic activities until 6pm, all homework is done in school time and the extra curricular opportunities are amazing. The teachers are fab and there is a lovely, respectful relationship between them and the pupils. Doing well and getting good grades is celebrated rather than being seen as ‘sad’ like it is in some of the local schools.

People are often quick to criticise private schools on here but often it’s the politics of envy. We aren’t rich but give up other things as we believe our children will do so much better in private.

We once had to have an assembly because someone smeared shit on the walls and threw bloody tampons around one of the toilets. The head asked us not to do this again. I'd consider that pretty hideous behaviour and none of my friends at state schools had that.

Same at my private secondary - mixed catholic school. Somebody smeared shit all around the girls loos. Twice!

This thread is a year old!

What the…??

I went to a comp in the north east, I got straight A*s and then I went to Oxford. YABU

It's hard thinking about secondary school because we can never imagine our babies being in that world. However they grow up fast when they hit year 7 and there's no point trying to shield them from everything.

That being said absolutely try and get her into the school you feel is most suitable for her.

I don't have any experience of private school but I went to the local all girls Catholic school and never had any problems Even though it was in a 'rough' area. All my friends from school came out the other side and have good careers and happy lives.

Oh bloody hell. I hate that!

I call bullshit.

I've taught classes where 100% had English as a second or additional language. I've taught in places where I'm the only white person in the room.

The only time I had a problem was that I was supposed to be teaching IT and the room had no computers.

I've done a lot of supply and I've seen some terrible behaviour but that is not the case in every school and in every class.

I mean imagine having to go to school with people who have English as a second language like Michel Roux junior, Natalie Portman, Albert Einstein...

Friendship groups are the biggest part of it IMO.

I went to a terrible state school and a lot of people left with very little. Half the problem is that the kids arent academic and are shoehorned into doing academic work- half would have been better doing a practical course to learn a trade or skill like cookery, electrician, building etc when they made their Options in year 9 rather than being pushed through years of English Lit and History etc. which they clearly werent interested interested in or suited to. So many boys were absolute tossers at break times and in classes, apart from those classes where they were the top student and applied themselves. Many have gone on to have their own businesses, become chefs, tattoo artists... they were square pegs in round holes.

There were some friendship groups that did well at school and went to outside clubs like swimming. I think kids just need to find their tribe. And the curriculum as it stands has a lot to answer for in failing kids and putting them through years of schooling for things that they just arent capable of.

Basic maths and English is all that is needed and some kids will struggle with that. Lumping them in with kids trying to learn standard deviation is asking for trouble all around.