Told him how I feel and he has not responded

[Cantthinkofaname24]

I have been dating a man for a while and I’ve told him that I have developed feelings. I just wanted to get it off my chest to him how I feel. He read the message late last night and has not replied. Now my anxiety is kicking in and I think I may of ruined things. What would you do?

Sounds like an ego boost for him after his split, nothing more. If you want more then you need to nip this in the bud.

Ignore. If you can't trust yourself not to reply to him, block and delete. If you can trust yourself to ignore, just enjoy the sight of a man who thinks he holds all the cards realising that actually he doesn't.

Why the hell haven't you blocked him yet? Are you a glutton for abusive behavior?

Why haven't you blocked this arsehole? Is your self-worth and standards really this low? All he is after is an easy fuck. Get rid of him, your anxiety will improve immensely.

It seems they have been in a consensual sexual relationship - texting your sexual partner texts of a sexual nature is not abusive beahviour.

He’s trying to take the relationship away from ‘feelings’ and any potential commitment to being just physical and causal.
Assuming this is not what you want, you shouldn’t be drawn into it.
You are definitely too young to waste time on someone at his age with his baggage.
I did notice some posters commenting on someone of his age not using text as much. I disagree - I’m a similar age to him and me and my peers pretty much exclusively used texts from the age of 16.
If he is really amazing and special, then you should perhaps have a face to face conversation and confront the issue. But he doesn’t exactly sound like love-of-your-life material, so I really would move on.

Entirely unsurprised. He'll ignore, then randomly text to keep you at his beck and call and grateful for him initiating contact. Honestly, the best thing I did in this situation was to block and forget. He won't ever give you what you want.

Hey @Cantthinkofaname24

Well done for finding out what he is like now and not having more time wasted.

I agree with the PP's that he is at a very different stage of life than you. I feel that he has manipulated you in the beginning. It is not your fault as he had expierence on his side.

This is a situation you can learn loads from. Mumsnet forums are full of dating and relationship advice from very wise and expierenced woman who have been through so much. The posters who are saying they were travelling and meeting up with gorgeous foreign guys are right - I was doing similar at your age. A divorced / married man with a dog was not on my radar.

I am in my 30s and hyperanxious (too far the other way) due to expierences with men. I wish I had the sense to have a forum of people at that point to ask 'is this normal' and been given my head a wobble in early dating. It would have saved me from misery. If you continue with this the likihood is it will cause you trauma and will not end well.

I would not entertain a gentleman who had recently split, and even if he did manage to woo me enough - I would likely have read the signs within a month or two and promptly ensured the story did not continue.

Red flags

1. Manipulation initially when you tried to set a boundary you did not want to meet
2. Recent split from long relationship
3. Messaging you whilst this relationship was breaking down
4. Sexual language
5. Age gap
6. Very different life stages
7. Entirely dismissive of your vulnearable message overnight and now ensuring a casual / non commital narrative continues to ensue

One word of warning with gentleman like this - they tend to circle back in a few weeks if you end it. For this reason it is useful to block their number once you have made the decision (if you do) to end the relationship.

I hope it all goes OK for you.

@Cantthinkofaname24 this says more about him than you! This is not your fault.

I went through a very similar experience 6 years ago - I won't bore you with the details but in a few years time you will look back and realise that you are worth so much more than what he could ever give.

All he wants is to get his end away and it's likely he was the cause of the marriage break up but please block him for your sanity. Build up your self esteem and confidence and you will find someone who will not leave you hanging like that!

Bugs hugs xxxx

Ahhhhh that's disappointing.

Inclined to agree with PP who said he's trying to reestablish the boundaries of your relationship as a sexual one following your text last night.

Strongly disagree with PP who referred to this as 'abusive' - pure hyperbole.

Of course he'll keep messaging you. It worked while he was still married. Block him and stay away from married or recently separated men.

I'm one of the PP you are referring to - it's not so much that people in this age bracket don't send text messages (or use WhatsApp, etc), more than after a certain age I think you grow out of using them to have deep and meaningful conversations. I know I grew out of that after my 20s but maybe that's just me.

I rather suspect, due to what appears to be appallingly low self esteem, you’ve already got yourself embroiled in a fun sexting session but I wish you wouldn’t.

On the off chance you haven’t, I think you should just take control and cut him off. Fuck him. He’s not a good man. Also ignore the ludicrous suggestion of sending a goodbye text. The only people who would do that would be the ones using it to make a big declaration to try to force the other person to reciprocate.

This twat has made it plain he’s basically just enjoying fucking you for an ego boost. I’m sorry that’s so crassly put but I dare say it’s the truth.

Look after yourself. You can do a fuck ton better than this goon.

Be really strong op and say goodbye to him, and mean it.

Then be even bloody stronger and block him.

You're at an amazing age, you need to be with someone on the same path, page whatever.

Honestly, it's going to be hard but do not give in to the sexual attraction bit.
He's not going to be your person and he certainly doesn't deserve anything more from you.
Have some inner strength.

Even if you're lured back, which I suspect you will be, hopefully one day soon you'll feel strong enough to dump. And go for someone less complicated and more into you.

@Cantthinkofaname24 Please don’t text or talk to him ever again. Take a year to build your confidence before dating again. Preferably a man who’s also in his 20s.

Cheating with someone on your wife, acting all lovy-dovy while having no serious intentions, running hot-and cold and preying on younger women are definiately examples of abusive behavior.

He's shown you that he's not interested in a serious relationship by his reaction to you sharing your feelings. Now he trying to 'reset' things back to what he is comfortable with - sex and fun times. Don't fall for that. He's not treating you with kindness or respect.

In all honestly he's a man who's almost 40 and getting divorced. Fun times with someone in her early 20s is an ego boost. From his reaction I highly doubt he wants it to translate into something more serious and responsibility-laden.

Just read your updates, OP. No surprises, he turned out to be a nasty piece of work. Men like this are very, very good at seeing your vulnerabilities and exploiting them. Don't feel stupid - you won't be the first or the last he's done this to. Just count yourself lucky you've seen him for what he is now, and don't go back!

I know OLD is the thing now, but in your twenties is a good time to meet someone nice through a hobby, sport or activity. Or through study/work. Might be nice to be friends and get to know someone slowly before dating?

Have you got any friends you can chat to and hang out with? It sounds like you need a bit of a confidence boost and spending time with good friends will do that. If you haven't got a good group of friends, then make that your priority, rather than finding a man. Everything will come to you in time.

It's not just about his age OP. You need to learn the rebound lesson sadly.

One word of warning with gentleman like this - they tend to circle back in a few weeks if you end it

True. But a gentleman he is not.

@Cantthinkofaname24 How did you get on with the situation OP?

@leonardo871 I haven’t blocked him but I did stop responding to his messages. He asked me if everything was ok and I stupidly responded. We were chatting a bit but now he has started to blank me again, trying to string me along. Time to move on! I feel pretty upset about it but there is nothing I can do

Hope you are OK 🌹
Drink some wine

@leonardo871 Thank you. I will be fine. I am just glad I found out now before investing any more of my time on him!