Told him how I feel and he has not responded

[Cantthinkofaname24]

I have been dating a man for a while and I’ve told him that I have developed feelings. I just wanted to get it off my chest to him how I feel. He read the message late last night and has not replied. Now my anxiety is kicking in and I think I may of ruined things. What would you do?

@Whoatealltheminieggs we have also been on dates as well as those things

What time did you send the message? It’s reasonable not to reply at 1am or 3am.

if he had to drive for a morning meeting maybe he hasn’t had the chance to reply yet, it’s only lunchtime now.

Although it’s very early in the relationship with someone going through a messy divorce. Agree it sounds a rebound, hopefully not for your sake, are you at work, can you keep yourself busy/distracted?

That's an answer. Just not the one you hoped for.

the text reads ‘Afternoon lovely how are you? I hope your day is going well. Sorry for not texting you earlier. I’m rushing around like a mad man today’

Hi OP

This all sounds positive. Try not to worry, over think and go with the flow. Your message sounds warm and affectionate but not overly so. His reply is warm and similar in tone to yours

It's scary starting a new relationship

So essentially he doesn’t want to stop seeing you but he doesn’t want to step it up to the ‘feelings’ stage either. Doesn’t sound ideal but perhaps chat things over face to face before deciding to move on.
definitely don’t waste time on a relationship that’s not going anywhere though.

Agree with this.

So you are the OW and it's hit you in the face?

Red flag 1 - he was still married when he started talking to you
Red flag 2 - he bad mouths his ex to you
Red flag 3 - he avoids talking about feelings, his or yours (but is quite happy to have sex with you)

I wouldn't go any further with this man, OP. This isn't going to end well.

The reply was bright and breezy to pacify you whilst he is thinking how he either needs to get out of this or hopefully just carry on as you are with him hoping you won't raise the issue of feelings again now that he has ignored that particular message and not responded with how he feels about you.

He's been a bit of an emotionally immature arse, there.

It looks like you're in a different place than him, obviously that's fine, but leaving you hanging for hours is really harsh.

He could have at least messaged back to say let's talk face to face or something.

I bet he'll try to say he hadn't seen the message or something 🙄

This!
@Cantthinkofaname24
I once did the same, by a letter. It wasn't reciprocated, but this was after him ''Lovebombing'' me and phoning nightly.

Dust yourself off and move on. {Easier said than done, I know}

Hmm.... Men who say such things often aren't either ''Open or honest''..
'My' narcissist {that is what he was} said he ''Hated game playing'' and loved honesty.
He was neither honest nor open.
I was aghast at listening to HG Tudor's channel on narcissism on you tube...He described my partner so well, I thought he knew him.

Narcs blow hot at the beginning, making you feel so special.. Then they start devaluing you.

Men who really ARE honest and faithful never need mention it.

Nailed it.

Agree totally with this.
Don't feel bad at all, 4 months is a decent enough time to declare your feelings. So many people are too scared to.
You haven't changed or spoilt anything, he either feels the same or he doesn't.
The only thing you may have possibly changed is not wasting your time on someone who doesn't feel the same.
If someone said something similar to me and I maybe wasn't ready to say something back, I would at least reply with "That's made my day"
If you want to communicate with someone no matter the time restraints you find a way.
Good for you OP for being brave, you've possibly paved the way for someone now to come into your life that would feel so happy to get that text.

No doubt the guy OP is dating is dodging the message, but I think it's a bit of a reach to label him a narcissistic because of it.

Perhaps this is too much, too soon? Just becauses he's encouraged the OP to be honest and open, doesn't mean he's obliged to reciprocate the same feelings she has communicated in her message. They've only been dating 4 months and he is going through a divorce.

Also this is a conversation entirely through text message. I'm not sure how old OP is, and understand there are anxiety issues, but it does feel somewhat juvenile that this is all playing out through text message. I wouldn't have the patience now.

You text him in the middle of the night and he was then up at 3am to drove for 3 hours. You need to give him a chance and wait to see him face to face rather than texting.

He is going through a divorce, so prob isn't looking for a real relationship. He is getting sex and some of the nice parts of a relationship from you (dates/ dog walks). If you are happy with that continue. But I wouldn't expect this to be a long term serious relationship. He has just avoided replying about your feelings and is hoping you don't bring it up again.

Personally I think if a man has feelings he makes them obvious. They're very straightforward like that. If they like you they let you know and make sure you're exclusive, as men don't like to share someone they are really into. They're also more than happy to keep seeing someone they're not all that bothered about if sex is on the cards. If he hasn't made his feelings clear at this point and you have to ask, then I'm sorry I think that's an answer in itself.

I'd go cool on it, keep seeing him if you want but accept its probably not going anywhere and widen your options. If he is keen maybe he'll surprise you but if not at least you're not wasting your time.

Don’t waste any more time on him
The early days should be the best, he doesn’t sound ready for a relationship and you deserve someone who cares enough to acknowledge your message as others have said realistically it takes seconds to send a reply

A general rule of thumb is to actively avoid anyone who has just separated from their spouse/long term partner because you risk just being a rebound rather than anything serious. You started dating two months after he split from his wife so it’s probably too soon for him to be involved with anything serious, sorry. The fact he ignored the text about your feelings speaks volumes too. He probably enjoys spending time with you but isn’t going to fall in love with you.

Agree with @beastlyslumber
You sound younger and TBH naïve - which isn't meant as a criticism - I just wonder if you have the life experience to put this whole situation in perspective. You have never married or had kids?

Definitely criticising his ex sound unappealing, unhealthy - like toxic baggage - when things go wrong in life people, in my book at least, with any credibility, do look at what part they played in things instead of sounding off about or against other people. If you've any intention of building a relationship with solid foundations you have to be able to ask what you want and about all the difficult things - enough to be satisfied that you really know the heart and mind of the person you are committing yourself to in a relationship. If you skip over this at the start I doubt you'll ever be able to come back to these hard and deep conversations - you might find yourself too deeply involved and committed - that's how I look at things FWIW.

Well, fuck him basically

Thank you. Lots of helpful replies and lots of things to think about here. I am almost in my mid 20s and he’s about to turn 40. He said I came as a nice surprise to him as he wasn’t looking for anything at the time because of the break down of the marriage but he said he’s glad it has come about.

How long ago was the marriage break down?