Told him how I feel and he has not responded

[Cantthinkofaname24]

I have been dating a man for a while and I’ve told him that I have developed feelings. I just wanted to get it off my chest to him how I feel. He read the message late last night and has not replied. Now my anxiety is kicking in and I think I may of ruined things. What would you do?

My boyfriend declared his love for me many months before I felt the same. It wasn't an issue.

But a guy I dated was also more serious whereas I knew that he wasn't the man for me so I stopped seeing him (hadn't seen him for long) so as not to waste his time.

I dated someone who love bombed me and then dropped me and a friend is in a serious relationship with someone who took ages to decide if he wanted to be serious and now they're really loved up.

You do you op. If he's for you that won't put him off (even if he's not there yet) and if he's not then it is better that you know sooner so you can move on.

Don't jump to conclusions just yet. Give him a reasonable time frame. But if he doesn't respond beyond the time when you know he's def not going to, then I'd draw a line under the whole thing.

Thank you everyone. I can’t help but feel stupid for putting myself out like that. My anxiety doesn’t help as I overthink everything. I have been single for a long time and not dated by choice due to a bad experience so this feels all new again and I’m just trying to navigate it. I feel like I’ve possibly scared him off but time will tell if he decides to respond to me.

Also, I don’t know if this is relevant but he is currently going through a divorce. They split 6 months ago so I know he has a lot on.

Well that puts a whole new spin on things if he only split six months ago!

It is way too early to commit to someone else.

At this stage he wants the benefits of having sex with a regular partner and doing things together occasionally and even just being able to say he is in a relationship for his social standing but I really doubt he sees the relationship as being long lasting. Sorry.

My rule of thumb is to never get involved with someone less than a year after a marriage.

Hope he contacts you soon.

Drip 💧

He got with you only two months after splitting up with his wife!

What were you thinking?

I really hope he's not on the rebound but sadly I think he is.

But you've been dating 4 months and were speaking for a while before? 🤔

Not suggesting anything untoward OP, but this does seem like he's jumped into this quite quickly and it's possible you're not on the same page in terms of what you want out of this relationship. Is that why you felt the need to declare your feelings to him? What prompted the message?

Yes very relevant.

Sounds like you might be the rebound tbh. I expect he just wanted a bit of fun while he gets over his ex.

Oh, OP. I have to agree with the "rebound" comment, unfortunately. Six months out of the marriage and you've already been seeing him for four. Hope he responds though.

So... you were chatting before they split? Or was he on tinder the day of and you matched straight away?

Either way, you've decided to start dating again and have picked the WORST kind of scenario to put yourself in. He's barely out of a marriage and you're getting serious with "feelings". No wonder he's not replied.

I like that 😁

Do you know if he read it?

Telling someone how you feel is absolutely fine. Good not to be cool and play games. Now you have to be a little patient and see how this plays out.

Valuable lesson to never do this sort of thing over text. You need to see someone's face, hear their tone of voice etc. And also you need an immediate reaction!

His non-response is an answer. It's just not the answer you want. If he felt the same he would have replied happily straight away. Sorry.

Apologises for the drip feed. We was speaking before they officially split but they were on bad terms and she had moved out. I already knew him as we live in the same town.

I do feel a bit in the middle too as he does bad mouth her to me which makes me feel awkward.

We have been on dates, walked his dog, I have been over to his and he has been over to me. He is very affectionate so I presumed it was more than sex.

My actual message read that I enjoy spending time with him and I told him I like him and that he makes me feel good. I didn’t say I’d fallen in love with him or anything like that so I hope I wasn’t too full on

@BellePeppa yes he definitely read it as it was the two blue ticks.

I had seen him the day before and we were cuddling and kissing and he kissed my forehead etc so I thought there could be more to it

Oh dear!

A lot of people find that after a break up they don't miss the person but they miss the companionship and doing things together with another person.

You have met that requirement but now you have indicated that you might not want a lighthearted casual relationship, he is thinking what has he got himself into.

If he's decent he will gently telly you that it's not a serious relationship and suggest you leave it at that and you are free to love on to someone who is ready to embark on a relationship.

Sorry to say but if he didn’t respond that day then he’s not feeling the same. Yes it’s possible that he lost his phone or a family emergency came up - but it’s not that likely.
I think 4 months is enough time to know if you are developing strong feelings for someone or not.
But, what I would say is that you didn’t ruin anything by being upfront. He either feels the same (in which case you would have had a very nice text or call back) or he doesn’t. So don’t feel anxious that you did anything wrong - just call it quits and move on.

I haven’t dated for twenty years and so am unfamiliar with the current practice of having “the chat” etc. I cannot imagine dating somebody for four months and not knowing how they felt or whether they were serious or not!

So I think there was absolutely nothing wrong with you asking, yes would have been better face to face, although you would have had to deal with any bad news face to face too. He has started a relationship very close to his marriage ending, but that is not your fault and I don’t think you should have to accept waiting around because he is not ready. If he is not ready, then he should wait until he is.

He read it at around 1am last night I believe then he told me prior to the text he was leaving work at 3am and had a 3 hour motor way drive. I guess there is still time but I don’t have much hope!

He’s not interested. Sounds like you’re not really dating either. Going over to each others’ houses and the occasional dog walk is not what I would call dating. You need to raise the bar and stop chasing men. Never comes to anything good.

Ok so he has just responded. Not to do with the text I sent though but just to check in with me and tell me what he’s doing at work?