A child-free wedding AIBU…

[AttackCat]

If you’re inviting people to a child-free wedding, what’s an appropriate way to communicate that it’s child-free?

We’ve had a misunderstanding over a wedding invite. I thought DC were invited because we hadn’t been told they weren’t. The bride/groom assumed we knew DC weren’t invited because we hadn’t been told they were.

The invite we received said ‘Mr and Mrs AttackCat’ on the envelope, the invite itself didn’t have any names on it at all.

YABU - the invite was clear no DC were invited as their names weren’t on the envelope

YANBU - the invite wasn’t sufficiently clear that DC weren’t invited.

It’s all been ironed out in advance of the wedding (we asked for clarification) but bride/groom evidently thought the invitation was clear and I don’t think it was.

If their names or + family aren't on the invite then they aren't invited.

If the children were invited they would have been named on the envelope.

I would have assumed dc were not invited if their names were not on the invitation.

I would say the invite is addressed to those invited, in this case you and your husband only.

The names were on the envelope.
Clear enough to me
If it's one of those invitations where everything is printed then the names go on the envelope

I would expect it to “Mr and Mrs X & family” (or named children) if they were invited

I would assume no children if I had received your invite

We had the opposite. Invite addressed to me and DH, no mention of kids so we assumed that kids weren't included. It was a complete ball ache sorting childcare out for the day, we get there and our kids are on the seating plan and bride says "where are they, I was relying on my kids playing with yours to keep them occupied?" and was really snappy that they'd paid for them. I had to keep apologising all day.

If very close family members, I would assume my kids were invited but would still double check / decide with the couple what portions the DCs ought to be present for. If just a friend’s wedding or a distant relative, I’d assume the DCs were not invited.

I'm afraid if I'd received an invite like that I would assume they were not invited and it was just me and husband. No harm in asking but I've always gone on the understanding that if they're included, this will be specifically noted.

If inviting the children, I would expect either their names with yours on the envelope, or failing that "plus family". In the absence of that, I would assume only the named people to be invited.

I personally think that if couples are having a child free wedding (which is totally fine) then they should be explicit about it on the invitation to avoid confusion, but I voted YABU because you should never assume someone not mentioned on the invitation is invited somewhere. You might have been entitled to clarify just in case, but the starting point is if they’re not named on the invitation, they’re not invited.

They could have spelt it out a bit more. But I have a pet peeve about people not putting details on wedding invites. Give guests as much info as possible. Having said that, if they weren’t named, I’d assume they weren’t invited.

(But assumptions often cause misunderstandings, as you’ve proven.)

Agree that they would have been named on the invite or at the least + family / + children as a clear indication of inclusion - leaving them off would suggest they are not invited. That’s how I’d have taken it.

However I do agree with you that clear confirmation wouldn’t have gone a miss either. For the sake of one line on the accompanying information, saves any awkwardness doesn’t it.

I'm with you, I dont think its clear cut. I often send xmas cards with one person on the envelope because one person will be opening it (usually my friend) and then include their partner and kids in the actual card. I think it would be weird to name everyone individually on the envelope itself. Lots of people don't even read the envelope they would chuck it straight away

if children are invited, they should be listed by name or the invitation should include “and family”

i would say the fact that the children were not invited was clearly communicated.

Their names or “+ family” weren’t on the envelope.
Clear as day.

I wouldn't be sure if it was just on the envelope as you often don't list all the names when you address an envelope. I don't normally list everyone on the envelope of an Xmas card but would in the card. Different if it was on the invitation itself.

Invites usually have some line about it being child free

Yes this is exactly my thinking - I didn’t think the envelope was material, I’d thrown it out.

I've never had a family card nor invitation where the kids names were on the envelope, even when they were on whatever was inside.

An envelope isn't clear enough if you're not using names at all imo.

I would always assume that children aren't invited. I'd then RSVP that just me and DH are coming and probably check that the kids aren't coming.

I did this for our wedding, only addressed envelopes to the people invited whereas invites were generic. I.e “Mr and Mrs Smith ” or “Sandra and Dave” on envelope for a couple, whereas I would have put “The Smith family” or “Mr & Mrs Smith and Family” if DC were invited. Only one person found it unclear out of about 20 families.

I think it should be on the invite. I'd Chuck the envelope and then wouldn't know who it was for.
We did receive an invite that did politely say that unfortunately they couldn't accommodate children so it was crystal clear & also maybe to stop people asking

Good communication would be thst the hosts explained clearly what the situation was for children.

Did you have 20 families with DC who could have been invited but weren’t?