A child-free wedding AIBU…

[AttackCat]

If you’re inviting people to a child-free wedding, what’s an appropriate way to communicate that it’s child-free?

We’ve had a misunderstanding over a wedding invite. I thought DC were invited because we hadn’t been told they weren’t. The bride/groom assumed we knew DC weren’t invited because we hadn’t been told they were.

The invite we received said ‘Mr and Mrs AttackCat’ on the envelope, the invite itself didn’t have any names on it at all.

YABU - the invite was clear no DC were invited as their names weren’t on the envelope

YANBU - the invite wasn’t sufficiently clear that DC weren’t invited.

It’s all been ironed out in advance of the wedding (we asked for clarification) but bride/groom evidently thought the invitation was clear and I don’t think it was.

Child free weddings are unusual and the invite says it is a child free wedding.

Sounds like this couple tried to dodge the awkward conversation.

I've never received an invite that stated it was a child free wedding. I don't understand the need? Surely it's as simple as those named are those invited. I think stating its a child free wedding just gives people more reason to get ratty with the B&G

Childfree weddings are very usual. Most of the weddings I've been to recently have been childfree or close family's children only. And that's not just due to married couple preference; we invited children to our wedding, but only had a couple of babies and a young toddler as everyone else wanted to leave their children at home.

@Confusion101

You’re confused. I didn’t ‘give out’ about their decision to have a child free wedding. I commented as know the number of family members who declined for childcare reasons and the B&G have now suddenly had a change of heart 3 weeks before the wedding and invited DCs.

It’s for purely numbers reasons and I happen to know the specifics of the people/circumstances involved.

@toastofthetown

i think it also depends where family/friends are located. Driving 2+ hours (more in my case) means overnight childcare would be needed.

I don’t expect anyone to invite my DC to their wedding. Just don’t expect me to either a) want to come without them or b) be able to even if I wanted.

@CorneliaMarie

in terms of you point a) can you really not bear to be parted from your dc for one day/evening ? can you remember the person you were before kids? Presumably someone who could have fun and socialise child free? Try to reconnect with that. You’re a person too, not just a mummy!

@LuckySantangelo35

Are you usually this unimaginative in your responses? I used to (frequently) travel internationally for a week at a time before COVID thanks so I’m very comfortable leaving DC. And not that I need to explain it to you but since you seem so typically patronising of a certain type of MN poster, I live 250 miles from family one set of family. Some of the other set are attending the ‘no kids’ wedding. My friends are unable to take the DC for what is in effect 2 days and overnight for their own reasons, and whilst I could afford an overnight nanny frankly I don’t want to.

You don’t need to solve the problem for me. I’m super smart already thanks, apparently you are unable to imagine other peoples circumstances are not your own.

Jeeeeesh @CorneliaMarie salty response!!!!! And you didn't actually answer @LuckySantangelo35 question. You said "don't expect me to want to come without them". That is the part of the quote they were referencing.

If hypothetically childcare was not a problem and kids could be left with someone trusted for free I do not understand why some people would still choose to bring their kids to a non-child-friendly event like a wedding.

Call yourself @CorneliaMarie it’s not that deep.

and thank you @Confusion101 the statement "don't expect me to want to come without them” was the bit I was making reference to but which you didn’t address at all, you just started going on about your international travel and how smart you are 🥱

Calm yourself is obviously what I meant to say @CorneliaMarie

If hypothetically childcare was not a problem and kids could be left with someone trusted for free I do not understand why some people would still choose to bring their kids to a non-child-friendly event like a wedding.

Well it depends doesn't it, I've been to plenty of child friendly weddings pre and post children. The last one I attended with children had chosen the hotel specifically because of its huge playpark in the garden. Ds had a great time and to be honest so did dh and I because when he was tired we retired to our suite with a bottle of champagne, put ds to bed and got in the whirlpool bath. Had we left him with a friend, we would have left before the dessert to drive the 4 hours back home. There aren't many people I'd do a 8 hour round trip drive for.

Basically I'd have to really like the wedding couple to go to the hassle of attending a childfree wedding whilst my children are still little especially given the fact that most of our trusted family are in other countries or at least 300 miles away.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils

that wedding sounds very convenient for you but I guess you have to appreciate that most bride and grooms aren’t gonna have a play park on the top of their list of priorities when they are viewing wedding venues

We've just sent out our invites. Child free wedding and just put the parents names on the envelope... no children.
My friends all got in touch to say how they're looking forward to a child free day. So they must've got that the DC were not invited by the fact that their names were not on the envelope
YABU

I think many people don't read envelopes so the invitees should have been named inside.

a) can you really not bear to be parted from your dc for one day/evening ? can you remember the person you were before kids? Presumably someone who could have fun and socialise child free? Try to reconnect with that. You’re a person too, not just a mummy!

And you think my response was salty? This is up there with the most MN cliche, patronising post ever.

whatever, will leave you all to it.

@CorneliaMarie

It sure was!

Bye 👋 😘

I wouldn't go on the envelope. I would go on the invite. The invite had no names so no it wasn't clear. I think if people aren't including children it needs to say on the invite.