Does anyone ever regret having their baby or children

[emmie847]

In 2 minds about having children just want to know if yous ever have these thoughts

I loved being with my younger children but my teenager is so hard and it's so difficult that I do regret having this stage of life. I thought it would be easier and definitely more enjoyable. But me and teenager are both completely miserable

I've found the teen years the hardest too. Younger years were very hard work but joyous at the same time.

I think it can be hard for different reasons .. for example if you had difficult chikdhood yourself ( not always but..) it can impact.
Also if you like quiet and are an introvert it can feel like hell not to have quiet and have to do some parenting stuff such as school runs amd playdates ..

... so maybe think about your personality.. is it suited..? Are you likley regret it as you are matched to loy of parenting stuff...?

I think the early teen years were stressful but just recently ds has turned 17 and it feels much easier now. I have always enjoyed ds becoming more and more independent though.

Don't ever build your life around a man and a childfree by choice life.

Hahahahaha

I've done exactly that, I'm in my fifties now, and I love my life. HTH.

Yes, for the first 5 years. Its a LONG slog. After that it was a breeze - no regrets.

Yes finding this too. Plus my eldest has ADHD, hasn’t settled into secondary school and is finally starting to grieve properly for his dad. DS stays close to me, so he can take out all his stress and anxiety on me. Super.

It’s too much for one person. I’m failing him and his sister though I am trying so so hard.

So yeah, if I’d known DH was going to get cancer and die I wouldn’t have had them because losing him has broken us all. But my word I adore them.

It’s not very common, but I do know a couple of mums who had children for the wrong reasons - one was because she hated her job and wanted time off. Then when her son was little she got pregnant again because she still didn’t want to go back to work and wanted to stay home and get paid for a little longer. She found it incredibly hard and we helped a lot because there were times she nearly snapped and harmed them when they were crying (newborn stage in particular). She left both kids with their father/ her husband and moved to a different country and lived her life dating and calling us in tears with forever new boyfriend drama, as if she didn’t have a family that she left behind. Still not divorced, she left about 20 years ago and came back briefly for her eldest son’s wedding and posted loads of pics with stupid tags about being a proud mother in law.

Second woman I know was quite desperate to trap a very high earning man and she’s been saying for years that she regrets having a child and a family in general, that she’s incredibly unhappy and wishes she could go back in time and not get pregnant. She’s never disciplining her 10 year old daughter because she said she’s scared of what might come out of her mouth (she bursted once in front of me and my heart broke for what she said to her child). Daughter has been in therapy for years and I’m pretty sure she knows her mother is struggling to offer any maternal love. A child knows.

Don't regret it as I love my kids but if I'd known back then how stressful teenagers are, I'd probably not have had them!

No. Since having my daughter my heart is full and every day is wonderful. Even through four months of colic and lack of sleep.

No, no regret. There are definitely low and tough moments, but the bliss and ecstasy of that love bond is like nothing else. I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on this experience.

If it makes you feel better, I think regret is quite rare, amongst both parents and those who choose not to have children. Regret is an uncomfortable emotion, so people will generally try to feel the positives in their own decision.

There are some really negative views of the state of the world on the thread. Personally, I feel a lot more positive! I am so grateful for my life - I think it is an amazing gift! I hope and expect my kids will feel the same! I think the Earth is a wonderful place to live, society is getting better and that we will find a solution to the problems we face through our immense creativity and beautiful cooperation as human beings.

The news gives us a skewed idea of how bad things are. This is a great book: Factfulness: Ten reasons why we're wrong about the world and why things are better than you think

I don't a s such regret having them. I wish they had a different father because theirs is an horrifically abusive individual (only toward me). I never did anything wrong yet I was make to feel like I was the worst person ever.

Another good book:

Humankind: A hopeful history

I don't regret having children. They are the best thing I've ever done. They are intelligent caring and hand on heart good principled human beings. Do I have fleeting moments of regret? Yes . On the days when they are low and finding the world a hard place and when they are stressed with me and I feel taken for granted.

The hard part is no one tells you the truth about kids

The first 5 years are hard but still the easiest.

After that it doesn't get easier it gets harder. Parenting teenagers and adults is so difficult especially if goingbthrough menopause.

Cooking cleaning laundry. They are always sick for the first 7 years. Constantly having to cover work shifts to look after them. The endless school plays and parties. Sleepovers. School mums which is a whole other story.

Then when older their mental health. Their friends schoolwork boyfriends.

Accidents a and e. The constant worry of have they got home okay. Uni college drinking etc

It's a hard slog.

Are they worth it? Yes. But you have to be all in and it's so easy to mess them up.

Also holidays holidays with kids are not holidays. It's the same shit in a sunny climate. Lol. Don't expect to have your version of a holiday in about 16 years. Haha

Absolutely agree with this. It's just stressful.

I regret my last child.

I had planned to terminate, but the witch at the clinicshowed me the scan screen after being clearly asked not to (she was disciplined for it).

Her birth was a massive cock up and she has a life of pain, very little happiness, zero independence, many operations and most likely she will not outlive DH and I.

The impact it’s had on our elder children, and ourselves, is irreparable. We love her dearly, but it would have been better for everyone, her included, if my coil had worked.

My other 4, plus DSs, I don’t regret for a single second.

I don't say regret, as I think for me that would imply I actively dislike parenthood. But if I had a crystal ball before I had them I wouldn't have done it.