Does anyone ever regret having their baby or children

[emmie847]

In 2 minds about having children just want to know if yous ever have these thoughts

I must add that I can’t get over how many people tell me I must have more children, it’s as if they want me to suffer as much as they are.

Mine are adults now and it feels like
I’ve 4 extra family members ,not like having children I have to care for ,,8 when they all marry ,and who knows how many of them will have children.
when they are adults it’s lovely having that relationship as equals,shopping together ,meals out together,hearing about all they get up to ,2 of mine have left home and are totally independent,.its so lovely seeing the people they have become .
wish I’d had more

i feel the same! Things would most certainly drastically change. The balance in my life feels perfect, everyone is happy and cared for

It's not surprising that people are more forthcoming about this issue on an anonymous internet forum than they are in real life. It's still a taboo to admit you regret having children, most women would either tell nobody or only tell a very close friend/relative.

A lot of people don't seem to understand what having a child is actually like and they're usually the ones who regret it. I tried for ten years to have my child and he's my blessing but I understand not everyone feels that way. It's bloody hard work.

DD is only 7 months old but she has absolutely lit up my life in ways I couldn’t imagine.

It was like something was missing before, there was an ache every day while we went through years of fertility treatment, now my life feels complete. Yes it has been hard, very hard, and I’m sure will only be harder when I’m back at work but so far the joy far outweighs the hard parts. She smiles constantly, giggles every day, is always learning something new, reaches for me and snuggles against me in the most amazing way. I’m excited for all of the adventures to come. She’s a fairly good sleeper which helps, I think it would be hard to enjoy as much if we weren’t getting a few hours to ourselves in the evening and a decent amount of sleep. I’m pretty sure we won’t have any more as I have no desire to have another and think I potentially would regret it.

Nope but considering so many relationships end and many women are left raining kids alone think carefully.

I would never bring another child into this world, school is so much pressue, then working until your 70, the scrutiny at work, the cost of living. I could go on but it's a bloody slog sometimes for 4 to 6 weeks off a year for 50 years 🙄

I love my kids and now they are here I wouldn't change them for the world. But I do wish there had been some way of knowing just how rubbish I would be at raising them, and how much I would hate so many, many aspects of parenting.

If I'd known what type of mother I'd become, I wouldn't have done it. Because any child deserves better than the shoddy job I'm doing.

Not for a second. Best thing I’ve ever done, best thing that’s ever happened to me. My life began when my son was born. The love and joy. Best and most fulfilling days of my life.

Those who commented that they regret having their children, that if they had their time back, they wouldn’t have had them, that they’re disappointed, angry, resentful that their lives couldn’t be centered wholly on themselves...please make sure your children don’t stumble upon your words here on your phone or computer. How very sad and cruel.

@AnAfternoonWalk

they’re disappointed, angry, resentful that their lives couldn’t be centered wholly on themselves.

Not one person has actually said that. Are you projecting or just making things up?

My life began when my son was born.

You had no life at all before your son was born? That seems quite sad to me, there are so many things in the world to do, see, learn and explore.

I regretted it for about the first 9 months or so. Now I’m really glad I did it (he’s 7 now and my absolute favourite person). I loved my life pre baby (was 35 when he was born) but I like having this very different phase to my life to experience. I had massive fear of missing out about the whole thing and was extremely curious about it.

I only had one though and have a husband who really pulls his weight domestically so I feel like I’m doing it on easy mode compared to people generally. I’ve kept my career going with no bother.

I really hate for admitting this but I’m not sure I’d have children again. But especially my youngest. Both my middle and younger have disabilities but my youngest is profoundly disabled. We can’t go out as a family as she becomes too stressed and it’s lightly I will be her carer forever. It’s scary, sad and worrying and I feel I’m more of a carer than a parent.

Never in a million years. They're a huge blessing.

The best thing I ever did was to have my dd. They are adults now and I am so grateful I had them. They are just such wonderful people. I toyed with the idea of having a third but in retrospect am glad I didn't as I wouldn't have wanted anything to spoil the wonderful relationship they have with each other. Best. Thing. Ever

Regret? No. But I do sometimes wish me and DH would've had some time to ourselves before having children.
We together less than a month when I got pregnant with DD. Luckily for me it worked out and nearly 10 years on we have a DS (13 months later after having DD!) and are really happy.

I have found parenting the most difficult, scary and overwhelming challenge I have ever experienced. Would I make the same decision again, knowing all that, ABSOLUTELY. My children are the best things that have ever happened to me and I love them more than anything despite it being a challenge and exhausted to tears most days.

The only reason I added a pro-childfree comment was because some posters had made negative comments about the childfree. Otherwise I hadn't been intending to comment. I have always had a 100 percent fulfilling life without children and would not have enjoyed any aspect of parenting. It is clear some people do regret reproducing. Lets face it, women's careers, freedoms, physical and mental health not to mention finances are often/usually negatively affected by childbirth and rearing so I would say if you are not completely desperate to have children then don't do it as its a hard road; not to mention the moral issue of bringing new life into this World.

'As for the comment that childfree people "haven't actually ever experienced anything", I don't even know where to start.'

It's such a stupid, insensitive thing to say. Do you think that childfree people know nothing about children? A lot of us know a damn sight more than many parents did before they had their kids. Do you consider your life pre-children to be a pointless waste of time? I feel really sorry for you if that's the case

And you were never 'childfree' by the way. Being childfree is not the same as 'havent had children yet'

Regret isn't a word I'd use. DS is awesome. But if I had my time again then no, I wouldn't choose to have children.

Please don't feel that way. You were sensible having none. Some of us are absolutely daft and went ahead and had not just one, or two, or three but four of the wee feckers. I do have days it's stressful but wouldn't be without them. They cry and poo when babies, have tantrums, then later on there's the teen years to get through where they think they know it all.

No one needs to feel less valued as a member of society for choosing to not breed.

I'm always interested is these threads,as so few talk about their child's quality of life or futures.

Having a child is the most selfish thing anyone can do at the best of times,but now,i personally think its incredibly cruel to bring a child into the current world.

Any child in the UK will have a lower quality of life than its grandparents.

We are in the cusp of a really bad time in history. Yes there have been world wars but there was always hope for after these,this I fear is gone

The environment is destroyed,bio diversity is falling,habitats destruction is everywhere and accelerating.

Children born now dont have good adult lives to look forward to.

Climate change( whether natural or man made) will cause the mass migration of people all over the world. And europe will be their main destination.

Your children will fight wars for water and food,like our ancestors did for the best places to forage or hunt.

The pandemic we have had is only the first due to our farming and industrial practices.

I've lived and travelled all over the world and the facts are clear when it comes to the direction were as a human races are heading in.

I would love a child,but I couldnt justify bringing an extra person into the world just for my selfish desire.

I know its all a bit doom and gloom but I'm pretty fed up of yet another friend having a third child with no real regards to that child being an adult one day.

I've had to stop watching nature shows seeing how we have ruined the world in the last 20 years especially,when we knew better.

By the time the babies born today are 40 so many animals and plants will be extinct or functionally extinct. I dont want my child to born into a world where there are no tigers or orangutans because we fucked things up.

I regret having mine at the age I did. I was 26 with my eldest and wished I had waited longer.

Only seven months in, but absolutely not. Best thing I ever did, and I only wish I hadn't left it so long.

@1nsertusername but surely your flying all over the world had a large carbon footprint?

No, deciding to take on my children will always be the best decision I have ever made. Yes they’re hard work and I’m a bit knackered, but being their Dad is the greatest gift I could ever receive. I’m incredibly lucky to have them.

Having your child hug you is probably the most amazing feeling in the world.