Does anyone ever regret having their baby or children

[emmie847]

In 2 minds about having children just want to know if yous ever have these thoughts

I miss things like freedom, money, sleep, nice food. But I don't regret them though they often nearly break me!

Yes they do.

I would advise against having children unless you have a long-standing all consuming desire to have them.

Sort of. I would have felt more personally fulfilled right now if I didn't have children, but that won't be the case in 20 years. I probably would've got bored without them and become as absorbed in trivia as my sister. Also, they're my world and if anything the worst thing about becoming a parent is the constant fear of them coming to harm.

"All fed, none dead but I don't have a clue what I'm doing."

Very poetic.

I don’t regret my children but I do feel guilty that they didn’t get a very good mum. All fed, none dead but I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing. They deserve better.

I feel like this too!

I only regret having them without being able to afford a full time housekeeper.

I love the kids. I just hate alt he other shit that goes with it like the endless cooking and laundry and arts and crafts homework projects.

I've become such a worrier since having children. That's the worse thing about it for me. But I don't regret having them.

Saying that DS2 is 9months old and, alrhough things are getting easier, I'm holding on for dear life for when he gets to around 2years old and is (hopefully) alot more independent and life generally becomes less gruelling as it did when DS1 got to that age.

Exactly this. There is nothing I envy about having children. But saying that makes me apparently evil and means I don't know what love is and will grow old alone. Tedious.

I don't regret my child, I do often regret who I chose to be her father.

If you are on the fence I'd advise you to not do it. I love my daughter but I had no real idea what I was letting myself in for and I am so not cut out for this. I'm an impatient intolerant introvert and she deserves better than me.

Another childfree perspective. I’ve always known I’ve never wanted kids, and I’ve never felt that I’m missing anything. I’ve lived with myself a long time and I can say that, for me, there’s no hole to fill. I like my life exactly as it is, and for me children would be a burden and would ruin the life I want to have. I wouldn’t be a happy mother, and I wouldn’t raise happy children.

I do consider myself lucky because I’ve never sat on the fence, I’ve always ‘known’ and I haven’t wavered in that. It’s a very individual decision though, and I think it can be hard for some people to determine what they really want once you take away the noise of society telling them what they should want. It’s a big decision too, because if you have a child you can’t exactly send them back, it’s a permanent change. Conversely, remaining (biologically) childfree is also permanent once you’re passed a certain age.

No one else’s experience can tell you what yours will be. Woman A may have regrets, but that doesn’t mean you will. Women B may have none, but that has no bearing on whether you won’t. There’s no universal experience, and ultimately it’s a leap into the unknown.

@JorisBonson

i love being a mother but absolutely respect women who are actively childfree; I wish more people who didn’t want to do it didn't, rather than feel socially obligated and then resent their children. I wanted children desperately but I can really see the benefit of not having them if you don’t want to!

99.9% of people love their kids.

lots of people probably wouldn't do it again knowing what they know

To be honest someone posting who is deliberately childfree by choice is hardly qualified to answer the OP - because you haven't actually ever experienced anything - she's asking mothers if they wish they hadn't had their kids not if someone who doesn't have children regrets their decision. I've had a childfree life and now I'm a mother and I can tell you which I prefer without question

The best thing in my life are my DS’ without doubt, I love my DH of course, but the love for my children is something else entirely, I just can’t explain it. Best decision I ever made to have them, my two are grown up now. No regrets, whatsoever.

Someone started a thread about if you're childfree after a certain age how do you feel about it and a lot of mothers weighed in even though the question wasn't specifically aimed at them. It's the way Mumsnet is.....

I think some people feel the need to have their choices validated by having everyone else make the same ones. I don’t really understand it. We all have different ideas as to what happiness and an ideal life looks like, and one person’s heaven is the hell of another. For me, there’s nothing attractive about having children, but for someone else there would be nothing attractive about my life because there’s no children in it.

People can make completely different choices and yet be equally happy. There’s no one formula for fulfillment, and there’s no need to look down on someone else’s choices in order to justify your own.

Honestly you can't be guided by other people. It's not like being unsure as to which mobile phone to go for.

It’s almost like it’s an open forum discussion. Weird.

That's nice for you! Do you understand that there are many different types of people in the world?

I bet you're one of those women who defines herself by being a mum and is then at a total loss when the kids leave home and start living their lives.

As for the comment that childfree people "haven't actually ever experienced anything", I don't even know where to start.

In the early days, yes. Me and my DP didn't want children, and then she got pregnant. However it was a cryptic pregnancy (basically DP didn't know she was pregnant, think Sonya on Eastenders) so first either knew about it was when DP went into labour.

We contemplated adoption for the first 72 hours or so, but then decided we couldn't.

The first few months were hard, we'd only been together 10 months when my DD was born, we weren't living together and it was like dropping a bombshell into the relationship. There were times I wished my life would go back to normal, and I'm sure DP would say the same.

But we loved our daughter, and I wouldn't have my life any other way now. She's 15 now, me and her Mum are still together.

This. All of this.

I feel the same as you, I have one daughter and although it is hard at times life hasn’t changed much, I have maintained a successful career, she goes to nursery and is very easy going. I will however only be having one child as I know life will get an awful lot harder if we had two….

Loads of people on MN post that if they had their time again they would've kids - but in my experience it's discussed much less in real life.

Tbh, my life hasn't changed drastically either - a 2yo who is a great sleeper, working part time which I love, hands on partner and family... if I had a second I reckon things would change though 😬

*they wouldn't have kids