Does anyone ever regret having their baby or children

[emmie847]

In 2 minds about having children just want to know if yous ever have these thoughts

Why would it be an awful life?

That's a mean thing to say about people without children.

If your friend had tried to conceive but never did, would you seriously think her life was doomed? Would you share that opinion with her?

Being childfree opens up a lot of amazing opportunities, it's unbelievably short sighted to say it's an awful life.

This says it perfectly.

Good God what would I do for a week of just me. No looking after anyone else, no battling teas or bedtime or getting dressed, no mediating tantrums or disciplining. No being touched every hour of the day, no 'Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy', no being told I'm not nice or that they don't like me when I say tell them off. Just a week where I am Bootothegoose and not someone's Mum, but I would never say I regret having them.

I often look back and think God, they were good time just me and DH or think, how did we complain we were tired, busy etc, or I often say, I wish we could have had a few more years just us two. Life nowadays is a slog and most days I'm on my knees by the end of it, but I wouldn't change it.... most of the time.

I second this. Every word of it.

I do.
I definitely feel like it's not normal to admit.
I don't find joy when they laugh or joy in other things they do.
I feel completely alone. I've started work but I also work alone so that doesn't help.
Hardest thing I've ever done. If I could go back in time I wouldn't have children.

You know you typed that out loud right? I'm child free by choice and have never regretted it, absolutely not and would make the same decision in a heartbeat. Its the best thing I've ever done.

Lots of people do, so many in fact there is a thread like this one every other week with a wide range of responses that could have been looked up.

Another voice adding to the childfree by choice viewpoint. I am 52, always knew I never wanted children and have zero regrets; in fact the opposite, I'm ever thankful I made that decision.. I have had and do have a great life, I don't feel as though I have missed out on anything in fact quite the opposite- I have always been able to do what I want when I want pretty much and enjoyed lots of exciting experiences. I am also antinatalist in that I think its a negative thing to reproduce; although I appreciate that's easy when I am also childfree.

'I'm child free by choice and have never regretted it, absolutely not and would make the same decision in a heartbeat. Its the best thing I've ever done.'

It's really lovely, and really heart warming, to see a childfree life described in those terms. I wish that being childfree could be discussed more in this way, as a really positive thing that you can embrace with your whole heart, rather than a life that is ok but will always be deficient in some way

I don't regret it. I miss elements of my old life but I can honestly say I'm more grounded, settled and content since having children.

No, never.

Never for a second. I love my 2 and I love being a mother and everything that entails. However, I do have help, a supportive husband and great grandparents on both side and I think that makes things a lot easier.

there are a LOT of threads on this topic.

Some days I regret my second. He was awful since 1 month old and still is at 3. He is lovely at the same time though. It's a weird feeling.

I regret bringing my kids into a shit world without opportunity (unless you are born into a wealthy family) and has contempt for young people. I have realised that life is pretty much the mundane and suffering, especially after having my identity eroded away after having kids. I will certainly be honest to them about how hard life is.

Regret? Nope. I do mourn my old life though, and my “Sliding Doors” childfree future. I could never regret having the wonderful tiny person that I’ve got however I also don’t think I’d have regretted choosing not to have children either.

It’s like, if I could have a do over, I’d have my specific DD again, no question. If it was just have “a” child, meh, I might not like a different one so much.

Same here Redhound. I love my life and have never looked back. I would rather regret not having children than the other way around (although I have zero regrets).

I'm really intrigued as to why some women are so dismissive and scornful of those who've chosen not to have children. It's literally no one else's business.

Are they just very bad at realising where they end and other people begin?

Are they completely unimaginative and think no other lifestyle exists?

Are they wedded to this patriarchal idea that women's purpose in life is to breed?

Or is it a defensive thing because they worry they'd be nothing without their 'status of mother'.

Whatever the reason, it's a deeply unpleasant trait.

I'm childfree by choice. What should I be building my life around then?

👏

I did when my first was born- life was so different and hard! But no, I don't regret my boys. They're tough and life would be simpler without them but I wouldn't be without them.

No but I do look forward to the nights when she goes to her dads and I get some peace...and then miss her the full time 🤣 Never regret but it's hard, hard, work and each age comes with its own challenges but I never regret having her. I'm forever thankful I have her in my life.

I was on the fence for a long time. I read threads like this back then and again when i was pregnant.

Maybe it's early days for me but my baby is 5 months old and has completed our little family.

I can still enjoy hobbies (running) as can my husband (photography), my social life is busy as always and we have lots of holidays planned.

She is an easy baby and has slept through from 10 weeks, is happy, sociable and has never been ill as yet. Maybe I'd feel differently if i was sleep deprived

It’s possible to regret having children but also feel overwhelming love for them. But people’s judgement is why most mothers keep quiet. Or every negative comment has to be prefixed with ‘I adore my children but…’.

I regret not being as good a mother as I’d have liked. We’re an autistic family though and i was exhausted mentally and physically having to fight for my kids. I don’t think I could have tried any harder than I did. My eldest son is very unhappy and has been stuck in his bedroom (at his dad’s) for the past couple of years.

I suffer with anxiety and I’m constantly terrified that something will happen to them. I also feel guilty about bringing children into this world. Not just because of global warming but because of the pressures they face and the continuing loss of a safety net and nhs. I think my eldest feels he can’t compete and can’t see a way forward so he’s just retreated into his room.

I don’t know what I’d have done if I hadn’t had them though. If I’d had the self-awareness and knowledge that I have now then there were lots of things I could have done and I could have successful at something. But I didn’t and I don’t think that would ever have developed had I not had children.

No - but I always wanted them despite being told by family school I was all about a career.

I'd have been hard pressed to say why I wanted children or articulate what I though motherhood would be like but at the same time it's been so much better than I ever thought and at same time so much worse - and often that’s been in unexpected to me areas.

So overall no best thing I ever did - but I was staggeringly naive about the effects on my life and do perhaps wish Id fought harder for “me things” like career and hobbies or even time but MIL spent a decade going on at me how much other mothers managed to have/do and when I politely questioned them how they had family support or much more income in areas with many childcare options – that wasn’t us so we did best we could.

It is a huge gamble - more resouces and fewer chidlren you have reduces the risks but so much is beyond control - your child perosnality how you cope all unknowns.

I'm childfree by choice and utterly love my life. I've never regretted not having children for even a single second. It's just not for me.

I never wanted children then accidentally got pregnant when I was nearly 40. I decided to see what happened and DD is now 8 and I wish I had had her earlier and then I could have had another baby but I didn’t want to be too old having a second.

I struggled with missing my old life when DD was a baby. We don’t have much childcare so we either go out as a family or DP and I go out separately. I miss the old type of holidays I used to have as well.

Having said all that, I do enjoy being a parent and DD is a pretty easy child so life is good with her. I don’t regret having her but had I never been pregnant I don’t think my life would have been sad without a child IYSWIM.

I don’t regret having mine. I often miss my freedom, and there are days when I struggle with parenting, but there are some lovely moments too. I’m certain I would have regretted NOT having a child (yes, I know many child free people have no such regrets).

I do worry about her future though, especially due to climate change.