Does anyone ever regret having their baby or children

[emmie847]

In 2 minds about having children just want to know if yous ever have these thoughts

I don't, but as a psychotherapist I've spoken to quite a few parents who do regret their child/ren. They without fail do they best and parent and love their child/ren, but they know if they could go back in time knowing what they know now that they wouldn't have had them and wish that they hadn't had them.

My own wonderful, dear mum told me her biggest piece of advice for life was not to have children. She wished that she hadn't, but in her day it was the done thing and she had two kids by 21.

It's a taboo subject to talk about so people mistakenly believe that nobody ever regrets their child. People do. And no wonder! Having kids is a huge lifelong commitment that can be really really hard. I know a few friends who split from their partners within months of adding a second because it was just too much to cope with.

People are often so relieved to hear that they're not alone or unusual to feeling that way and it doesn't make them a monster, they believe they're a monster because nobody else ever openly admits it and so they think they're the only one.

If you have even the slightest inkling that you'd regret a potential child, don't have them. That goes for either parent. The consequences can be huge.

Not for a second. As others have said, I do sometimes wonder what I'd be doing now if I wasn't looking after my children, but overall the joy, love and fulfilment they have brought to my life has blown me away. For every hard moment there are 100 wonderful ones.

Unfortunately the answers you get on here won’t help you make your mind up on whether to have children or not. Personally, I would never regret having my child. She is without a doubt the best thing in my life and always will be. For others though, that’s not the case. So many things can impact that such as mental health, physical health, money issues, relationship issues, housing issues, etc etc.

Only you can decide if you want children and only you will know how you can cope if any of the above challenges come to your door.

Maybe @breatheintheamazing has made such a comment because she is sick of mothers/parents being berated and bashed, and child free people always claiming that parents constantly say they regret their children, and are jealous of all the child-free people.

Load of nonsense. I have never known a single parent who is jealous of someone with no children. Just doesn't happen in real life. (Like a lot of stuff on mumsnet!) And I have seen some dreadful and cruel things said about parents (and children) on here by some childfree people. (On MUMSNET! You couldn't make it up!)

Yeah a few people on here say they regret their children, but most people do not. And they certainly don't envy child free people. IMO, there is literally nothing to envy about being child free.

As I said, for the most part having my daughters has been amazing, but even through the most difficult times (mostly teen years) I never once - EVER wished I had never had them. It never entered my head, And as I say, I don't know anyone else who regrets them either. It's just (as I said earlier) a myth perpetuated by the child free. I think some child free WANT parents to regret it actually, because it suits them and their narrative to say 'ah ha! See TOLD having children was a bad idea.'

Most people don't regret having their children, and no amount of insisting many people do is going to change that.

I'm done on here now, because this thread is only going to get worse.

If anyone did regret having children they’re hardly going to confess that you are they?

Yeah a few people on here say they regret their children, but most people do not. And they certainly don't envy child free people. IMO, there is literally nothing to envy about being child free.

And yet if a childfree person said there was literally nothing to envy about having children you would say they were being hateful and cruel. You can't have it both ways.

It’s always talked about on here - I regularly see threads like this! But not in “real” life so much, I agree.

I’ve never regretted it for a second. My kids can be little buggers, but I utterly adore them.

No I don't regret having him at all. It is tiring but I find it incredibly rewarding seeing him develop. My baby is only 6 months old so I can't say for when he's older but seeing him find something funny for the first time, or looking at something new with total fascination just melts my heart! I spent a long time umming and err-ing about having children but personally I am really happy that I did!

I'm 45, childfree by choice and have been with DH for 19 years. I've just stopped by to say that you are talking complete bollocks. HTH.

Load of nonsense. I have never known a single parent who is jealous of someone with no children. Just doesn't happen in real life

No-one has ever specifically said it to you, so it never ever happened? Yeah, thats not how life works, you're not actually the centre of the universe.

There are plenty of parents who wish they had not had their children, or who wouldn't if they could do it over. It's not all that uncommon. You can love your children and still think you shouldn;t have had them.

Never. I never hark back to my pre-baby days either, which were desperately empty and full of binge drinking and hangovers. I regret not having more when I had the chance!

I’ll never regret having them, because they are my absolute joy.
Sometimes I wish I’d have waited and had them a bit later on in life though. There are perks to being a young mum, but sometimes I feel guilt and regret that my life wasn’t more “together” before DCs came along.

It’s certainly not a myth ‘perpetrated by the childfree’ on the sole basis of you never having encountered it (which you have, on this thread alone tbh).

It’s funny, it’s almost like people are different and there’s no one universal experience.

Me. I didn’t want children, but had a contraceptive failure. My DH was really excited about it and I thought “how bad can it be”. Fucking awful is the answer. Massive regrets for at least a year, think I definitely had a touch of PND. As he’s got older I still have the odd regret, but love him to bits (although I’m one of those if I had my time again I’d not have had him people). My regret is now mainly because I pretty much resent his father, the fat, lazy, greedy, dirty pig that he is. Anyway think carefully as unlike pets you can’t change your mind and give them up. Well I suppose you could but would be a massive social pariah.
I love my son, and would kill for him. I’d never tell him he wasn’t wanted, but would rather I never had him. I can’t really articulate it very well.

My thoughts exactly. I feel guilty every day.

“I’ve never experienced this so therefore it doesn’t exist” is a very limiting worldview to have.

No never, my children are very young and it's hard work as I work ft too but I don't regret anything. I love being a mum, yes some days you think what was I thinking, but not to the extent that I'd think wouldn't life be great without them. I'll add that I've always wanted children and have never considered a life without them. My brother and his wife can't have children and even though they have a bigger house and holiday constantly to lovely places I secretly think how sad it must be that holidays and a dog is all they have. I wouldn't feel very fulfilled even if my house was bigger (and tidier!) and i had 12 holidays a year. So zero regrets.

Definitely don't regret, but I had my son when I had just turned 21. I wish I could have my exact child but waited a few more years.

I'm sure some people do. I've heard a few parents admit as much, and I'm sure there are others who just don't want to say it.

Personally I have no regrets. There are things that I can't do now, or that or harder, since I had children, but those cons seem tiny compared to the huge pros. There was something missing from my life before DC, and I know that if I'd never had them I'd forever have been pining for a child, so would never have been completely satisfied with life. Besides, I had my DC quite young, so they should be independent by the time I'm 50. Plenty of time after that to do the things that are trickier now!

Of course that's just me. Not everyone has that yearning for children and can be completely fulfilled without them.

No never though I do occasionally think it would be nice if we had families that actually would help so we can get one night away more than once every 5 years. Especially when I hear of other family members whose kids spend 1 to 2 nights a week with grandparents. While we struggle with 3 kids one of whom has additional needs. The reality however is our kids are very close to us and we are a very strong bonded family.

Maybe breatheintheamazing has made such a comment because she is sick of mothers/parents being berated and bashed, and child free people always claiming that parents constantly say they regret their children, and are jealous of all the child-free people.

Where are you seeing this!?
This is a site used primarily by parents and therefore most threads are contributed to primarily by parents. Most threads bashing mothers and parenting are started and continued BY other parents. Take for instance one this week called 'Control your kids' - started by a mother in criticism of another mother's parenting when in a busy pub.
I think you've created a narrative that isn't real.

I don't at all, but lots of people do, there is a thread about it on here every 3-4 days.

3 kids here and nope I don't regret them. Can't even imagine feeling that way tbh. I've made mistakes in my life with my career etc but I can't even regret then anymore as if I hadn't made those mistakes I wouldn't have ended up with the kids I have and I wouldn't want it any other way.

You'll get a million different answers here because it all depends on context. I have three kids and life is chaos, but my partner does his fair share, I went back to work so I have my own stuff going on, I have a flexible job and no commute etc etc. My impression/assumption is that people who don't like parenting don't like their life after having kids and 9/10 that's having a crap partner who doesn't pull their weight.

I did last night at 12, 3 and 5am. My child is nearly FOUR.

I am having to work very hard to be peppy and nice Mum today.

I have 3. I don't regret them, I love them all more than life. But. Motherhood was probably only actually enjoyable when I just had one.