Does anyone ever regret having their baby or children

[emmie847]

In 2 minds about having children just want to know if yous ever have these thoughts

My children are the light of my life.
I didn't know how much I would adore them.
I am sure some people regret it, but most people feel overwhelming love for their child.
Over people's children are nothing in comparison though 😂

No. But I have one child, use paid childcare, have maintained my career and she’s awesome and quite easy going. I haven’t lost myself. I have friends who have and I know they have regrets - not necessarily about the children themselves but about choice of father, giving up work etc.

No regrets. It is sometimes hard but I’d make the same decision every time. I am a better person for being a mother and I learn so much from parenting DC. That said- I have a very supportive DH who is an involved parent and does his fair share of the drudge work. Several of my friends regret DC and what they all seem to have in common is that 99.9% of the ‘parenting load’ is on their shoulders.

I don’t regret my children but I do feel guilty that they didn’t get a very good mum. All fed, none dead but I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing. They deserve better.

'the prevailing narrative around parenthood is it ruins your body, finances, career, relationship, hobbies, social life, future, it sends mums screaming for wine o clock, no matter how hard you try your children will probably grow up horrible and hate you.'

That's very true, but there is still a lot of pressure on women to become a parent. It's still very much seen as 'the norm', something that every woman wants deep down. It can be tough to step away from all that

OP, yes some people definitely do regret becoming parents. Tell us more about your thoughts

Absolutely not. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I thank my lucky stars that I feel pregnant by surprise as I would’ve put off the decision for a few years and might not have managed to have 3.

The early years are relentless, the teenage ones are a constant battle with emotions & boundary pushing and I realise that I will never stop worrying about them, but the joy & love is worth every minute of any stress.

Never regretted a day. That said, I love them so much that it has caused me a lot of heartache and stress and worry. I can see why people choose to remain childless.

If I could go back in time I would have waited longer. I had DD at 27. Family have lots of fertility problems so we figured that would be the case for us, but no.

I had an awful pregnancy, a decent birth, and then DD turned out to have cows milk allergy which was undiagnosed for 6 months (I was at the GP weekly who dismissed it). She screamed non stop for those 6 months, only ever slept in 40min stretches overnight, interspersed with 2-3hrs of screaming. It nearly broke me and DP. In addition it put a huge amount of pressure on us financially.

I love her and I wouldn't change her for the world but I wish we'd have waited 5-10 years.

Almost 10yrs on we're finally feeling ready for a second child, but we're going in with eyes wide open this time.

What a vile thing to say. Childfreedom is ethical, bliss, and has zero negative impact on the planet, or others.

OP, yeah, obviously loads of people, regret having a kid. And loads of people are not fit to parent.

This is virtually how I feel. Even though I wasn't a young Mum (31) I didn't know myself well enough (like I do now) or the implications and effects being a parent had on me and society in general.

The only thing I regret really is who I had a child with. That is a huge regret of mine, but I wouldn't for a second regret my DS.

this made me sad. I feel like a shit mum too sometimes, but I'm sure we are doing better then we realise. for you x

I bet you’re both doing your absolute best and your children adore their mums 💐 I think we all feel like we’re not good enough at times.

I definitely do not regret having my son, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. There’s definitely days where I feel overwhelmed and stressed but the joy he brings far outweighs any of the negatives.

No. Not in a million years, never. They're the best thing to ever happen to me, and although some of the teen years were a bit 'challenging,' for the most part they have been amazing. (2 daughters both in their mid to late 20s now.)

They fill a gap in your life that you never knew was there, they bring so much love and joy, and they create a love that you never knew you could feel.

The only ones you will hear (usually) talking about 'the regret of having children,' is people who don't have them. Telling tales of people they know who have children, who always seem to secretly confess to them that they actually wish they had never had them. And how jealous they are of their amazing child-free life!

Funny that, how all these parents confide in all the child-free people that they wish they'd never had their children, and they're so jealous of the child free, but never seem to say it to people WITH children. Also, I don't know a single parent in real life who envies child-free people. In fact, most parents I know wouldn't swap places with any child-free person for anything!

I am sure some people regret their choice of partner, or regret staying with them for many decades and not moving on and finding someone else, (or just leaving them and being on their own for a few years,) but I don't think many people regret having their children. There is absolutely no reason to IMO.

You can have just as much of a full, rich life with them, as without them. (MORE full and rich in some ways.) It's just a different life. I think the 'people regret having their children' line is a myth perpetuated largely by child-free people. (Not all child free before anyone starts, but some...)

No!
I was never a super maternal person and I wasn't sure how I would cope as I hear how difficult it is.

It has been the most amazing thing ever. I absolutely love being a mum and I feel so proud of myself every day.
It's very overwhelming. I know these memories will be everything to me in the future.

I've never had DC but would've liked them.

My nana (DM's mother) always told both her DDs (from different marriages) that they'd have preferred not to have had children (they wanted to be a career woman and were this actually) but it was circumstances as in 1930s and 1940s so life was hard for a young mother then especially if the fathers didn't step up much.

On balance as they got older, no I don't think she regretted having her DDs as she wouldn't have had them and her grandchildren.

Never regretted it, he's the best thing in my whole life. The mama love is fiercely protective unlike any other love I've felt and I can't imagine life without him.

But I have one child, financially ok (not well off but can afford all the basics he needs and live in a pleasant place with good amenities), and a DH who I can bounce any stresses around and discuss what we do.

I know women who have multiple children with various deadbeat partners and are miserable, feel lost and overwhelmed, hate where they have to live because of circumstances, struggle financially and emotionally. They have voiced regrets over their choices. They love their kids obv but if they had their time again, not the same outcome.

It's so key to choose the father carefully and to also consider how you would manage if he wasn't there.

No, never. Like others have said, it's not always easy and our second was so much harder than our first. He didn't sleep, didn't eat. His first 3 years are a haze of exhaustion but even if I knew that I would still have him. The joy and love they bring to our family are worth it a million times over.

@NewandNotImproved Your post wasn't any less 'vile' than the one by@breatheintheamazing that you were berating.

No regrets here.

I love being a mother. Yes, I'm tired. But the joy she brings me far, far outweighs any negatives.

I have a lot of family support though, and this really makes a huge difference. Also I'm not stuck I'm the house all day, we have plans every day meeting friends, family and baby club one day. I think its important to think about that beforehand too.

PrettyMaybug, perhaps women confide in the childfree because there would be horror and villification if a woman admitted to her circle of friends with children that she regretted having her own.

Many on this thread have said they wouldn't have children if they could go back so it's not a myth, is it?

No I absolutely don’t regret it! However I’m very glad I only have one, was a conscious decision and the best one I’ve ever made, I see how much siblings/friends struggle emotionally, financially and time wise.

Those who regret - how many children do you have?
I have a strong hypothesis regrets are usually from 2+ children.

@breatheintheamazing Honestly men, partners, husbands come and go....children never. Don't ever build your life around a man and a childfree by choice life.

What a dogmatic statement to make to someone you don't know, with no awareness of their circumstances or preferences!
It's your way or the highway, right?
I hate to break it to you, but your kids WILL be gone one day. And I wonder if they have as rosy a view as you do of the fact that their dad(s) are seen as disposable.

I can't see what is vile about @NewandNotImproved 's post.I'm childless not by choice but DH and I have built a wonderful happy life together and it is vile to suggest that that is worth less because we don't have children, that "husband's come and go". It makes no difference of the comment was directed at childfree by choice people.

I have zero family support and I am beyond exhausted most days. I still don't (and could never) regret either of my girls.