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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up about the woman in local shop being so rude to me?

202 replies

LimeDietCokeIsLife · 16/05/2022 12:56

There is a branch of a convenience store very near my house. Literally 30 seconds' walk away. I regularly go there because its so near.

One woman in there has, for whatever reason, taken a dislike to me and is very nice and lovely to others whilst I'm in there and then rude to me. I have absolutely no idea why she does not like me, nor do I care that she doesn't like me. However, I do not want to be treated rudely when I'm in there.

She never acknowledges me or says thank you to me, or ever even the cost, just holds the card machine out to me and rolls her eyes. If she is at a till and I arrive at the front of the queue she will just sometimes walk off. Sometimes there will be a second till open but other times there will not be and I'll have to either wait for her to come back and serve me (rudely!) or find someone else in the shop and tell them there's no one at a till! I have been in a few times and there have been three of them at the tills and one has served me, and nasty woman has then started whispering to the other staff member. Sometimes she hides her face behind something and I've heard the other staff member whisper 'What?' so she's obviously whispering shit to them. She is really lovely and chatty to other customers, so it's clearly me!

I did once phone the head office of said chain of convenience stores and they said it wouldn't happen again and would be dealt with. But clearly that did not work!

I could go elsewhere but I don't see why I should have to. The other staff in there are very polite and nice. And I'm always polite.

AIBU to be fed up of this?

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 16/05/2022 12:58

YANBU of course - but what on earth have you done (actually or in her head) to warrant that?! Have you ever called her out on it?

Greensleeves · 16/05/2022 13:01

How weird! Do your kids go to school with hers? Has something happened to piss her off that you're not aware of? I'd be intrigued, as well as fed up.

Whatever the background - it's completely unacceptable. I would be writing a follow-up complaint, since whatever was said to her last time had no effect. You should be able to use your local shop without dealing with playground nonsense from the staff.

Original poster
LimeDietCokeIsLife · 16/05/2022 13:03

Greensleeves · 16/05/2022 13:01

How weird! Do your kids go to school with hers? Has something happened to piss her off that you're not aware of? I'd be intrigued, as well as fed up.

Whatever the background - it's completely unacceptable. I would be writing a follow-up complaint, since whatever was said to her last time had no effect. You should be able to use your local shop without dealing with playground nonsense from the staff.

Nope, I'd never come across her in my life before she started working there a few years ago. She is in her sixties and I'm in my forties so if she has any kids they'll probably be a totally different age group to mine.

OP posts:
TigerLilyTail · 16/05/2022 13:03

How about making a game of it?

Every time you go in, be really over the top friendly with her like you are best friends.

Original poster
LimeDietCokeIsLife · 16/05/2022 13:04

SirChenjins · 16/05/2022 12:58

YANBU of course - but what on earth have you done (actually or in her head) to warrant that?! Have you ever called her out on it?

I haven't, but I have been close to calling her out many a time but have told myself to rise above it. Feeling like I shouldn't have to rise above it forever, though!

I cannot imagine what I have done. I'd never laid eyes on her before until she started working at the shop. I've always been pleasant and polite.

OP posts:
Original poster
LimeDietCokeIsLife · 16/05/2022 13:05

TigerLilyTail · 16/05/2022 13:03

How about making a game of it?

Every time you go in, be really over the top friendly with her like you are best friends.

I've tried that, lol! She just ignores me

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 16/05/2022 13:05

She probably thought you were unfriendly the first time she saw you, took umbrage, and is now offended by everything you do. Some people are like that unfortunately.

Not much you can do about it, and personally I wouldn't keep giving money to any business where I was consistently treated rudely. There are lots and lots of other shops competing with that one.

YarnHoarder · 16/05/2022 13:05

I work in retail and am all for speaking up about inappropriate behaviour in the moment. It's not ok for her to walk off when you approach the till so ask her for service (excuse me, loudly, should work), same with payment, ask her how much it is as you might pay in cash (even if you won't). I'd probably ignore the childish whispering behind hands, her colleagues likely don't care about what she has to say anyway.

There's definitely regular customers I don't like due to their past behaviour but I'd never be rude to them. Kill her with kindness, always say hello when you approach, ask for the total and say goodbye and mentally know you're making her behaviour look even more unreasonable.

DoctorMarten · 16/05/2022 13:05

I've got this with a bloke in my local newsagent/ post office. I just don't go there now. He's a sarcastic twat. I tried being super nice but he's still a twat.

Istherehopeforme · 16/05/2022 13:06

Yanbu just call her out... I know it’s intimidating but something like “ sorry is there a problem? You are doing a b c and I’m wondering what’s happened for you to be so rude to me” You need to call her out!!!

MintyMoocow · 16/05/2022 13:07

Maybe you murdered her in a former life?

emuloc · 16/05/2022 13:08

I had this happen to me, several times, the same woman. Helpful, smiling and friendly to the other customers, and not a word to myself. She just left the receipt on the counter. I never said anything to her. I did not want to look bad, I guess. I just stopped going in when I saw her on the till through the window of the shop.

Orgasmagorical · 16/05/2022 13:10

If it were me and I didn't want to shop elsewhere I'd ask her what I'd done to offend her, very calmly. If she said nothing I'd ask her why she behaves the way she does towards me. I couldn't be doing with that sort of shit.

Blueberrywitch · 16/05/2022 13:11

Omg how horrible! Can you give them a scathing google review? I find that often satisfies me. I agree with PP that you were probably accidentally cold to her the first time and she is a bit insane so has developed a grudge. Horrible to experience though :(

Idbemonica1 · 16/05/2022 13:12

At this point you have nothing to lose, you absolutely have to pull her up on this shit.
She doesn't say hello first, you loudly say Good Morning! Doesn't tell you the total, you say What is the total please?
Walks off when you approach the counter, might be time for the Mumsnet classic - Did you mean to be so rude? (Wouldn't use that myself but needs must).
I get that this is your local shop and you possibly don't want to to cause an atmosphere but she is in the wrong here , a follow up comolaint might be needed.
Good luck OP

KettrickenSmiled · 16/05/2022 13:13

LimeDietCokeIsLife · 16/05/2022 13:05

I've tried that, lol! She just ignores me

Show quote history

"Hello - shop! Customer needing to be checked out! HELLO! Everybody can SEE you are ignoring me again. Do you want to serve me, or do you prefer me to call your head office & get them to explain your job description to you?"

And if you do need to contact head office again, be more rigorous.
"It won't happen again" is bullshit.
You want names, an action plan, a report back to you with the result of that action plan, & an apology.
If it doesn't happen - you follow up again.

watcherintherye · 16/05/2022 13:16

There was someone in my local Co-op branch a few years back,
who seemed to take a dislike to me, and made me feel so uncomfortable that I stopped going there for a few months, after my attempts to have normal exchanges at the till failed miserably, but I could see he was chatty with other customers. He left eventually, so I went back. Happily everyone there is fine at the moment!

HollowTalk · 16/05/2022 13:16

I can never understand why women are told to be extra nice to somebody who is treating them really badly. Why would anyone do that?

Playplayaway · 16/05/2022 13:20

It could be a case of mistaken identity. Do you have a twin? Or maybe you look like a mean girl from school or someone who once snogged her bf. It's still no excuse for her not giving you basic polite customer service though. Keep complaining!

paisley256 · 16/05/2022 13:21

I'd be asking her what the problem is.

TaranThePigKeeper · 16/05/2022 13:21

Next time she does it, can you just say, “Excuse me, I’m really intrigued. Why are you so rude to me whenever I am here? Has my face offended you in some way? I don’t want to have to make a complaint so if there’s a genuine reason I’d like to understand it.”

I couldn’t care less if someone I don’t know acts like this, but I would be itching to know why.

anotherbrewplease · 16/05/2022 13:22

Um - I think we may live in the same village. Cos at our local co op there's a shop assistant in her 60s, who not only hates me, but also all of my kids (older now) and my DH. It's a hate fest.

On occasion, I have seen it's her serving and gone to another town to pick up whatever I needed.😅 Sad but true.

anotherbrewplease · 16/05/2022 13:23

@HollowTalk because it can serve to annoy them.

LanaGardner · 16/05/2022 13:23

I could have written this a few years ago, I actually stopped going to my local shop for 3 years and I've no car, next shop is hours away.
She made me feel physically sick, my stomach used to flip in that "bad person alert" way and she did exactly what your one is doing.
Que nearly 3 years later I'm sitting in a pub get talking to several women as I overheard them talking about that "evil woman finally gone from shops name turns out she set up the lovely friendly woman who used to work there can't remember how and she got the nice lady the sack and it nearly destroyed her also her husband had been conning elderly people.
Don't know under what circumstances she left
To get to the point..I thought it was just me but it wasn't.
I think some vile people pick on people they know will see through their mask, in my experience anyway

KettrickenSmiled · 16/05/2022 13:27

HollowTalk · 16/05/2022 13:16

I can never understand why women are told to be extra nice to somebody who is treating them really badly. Why would anyone do that?

Quite. I also can't understand how so many PP just accept rudeness by slinking off - 4 separate PP have described doing just that already, & this is a very short thread so far!