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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up about the woman in local shop being so rude to me?

202 replies

LimeDietCokeIsLife · 16/05/2022 12:56

There is a branch of a convenience store very near my house. Literally 30 seconds' walk away. I regularly go there because its so near.

One woman in there has, for whatever reason, taken a dislike to me and is very nice and lovely to others whilst I'm in there and then rude to me. I have absolutely no idea why she does not like me, nor do I care that she doesn't like me. However, I do not want to be treated rudely when I'm in there.

She never acknowledges me or says thank you to me, or ever even the cost, just holds the card machine out to me and rolls her eyes. If she is at a till and I arrive at the front of the queue she will just sometimes walk off. Sometimes there will be a second till open but other times there will not be and I'll have to either wait for her to come back and serve me (rudely!) or find someone else in the shop and tell them there's no one at a till! I have been in a few times and there have been three of them at the tills and one has served me, and nasty woman has then started whispering to the other staff member. Sometimes she hides her face behind something and I've heard the other staff member whisper 'What?' so she's obviously whispering shit to them. She is really lovely and chatty to other customers, so it's clearly me!

I did once phone the head office of said chain of convenience stores and they said it wouldn't happen again and would be dealt with. But clearly that did not work!

I could go elsewhere but I don't see why I should have to. The other staff in there are very polite and nice. And I'm always polite.

AIBU to be fed up of this?

OP posts:
Squillerman · 16/05/2022 14:47

A woman who worked in the Coop close to where I used to live was like this with me. No idea how or why I’d offended her, I just don’t think she liked my face for some reason. She was so happy and upbeat with the customers before and after me in the queue but with me she’d just mutter the price in a grumpy voice and never even said please or thank you. I used to dread her serving me for this reason. It can really deter you from going into the shop so it isn’t great for business at all.

StaunchMomma · 16/05/2022 14:48

A case of mistaken identity, maybe?

I'd be asking her wtf her problem is and if she doesn't answer tell her to call for the manager.

5zeds · 16/05/2022 14:50

Sounds very tedious. Ask to see the manager and explain what’s been happening.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 16/05/2022 14:50

I'd definitely say something to her in front of her colleagues and other customers.

cushioncovers · 16/05/2022 14:51

You've got to ask her op and if she can't give you a reason say well I will be taking it it further then. Stand your ground. Don't be bullied. She sounds vile. She has no power over you. In fact it's her job that's on the line if you decide to kick a real stink.

RishiRich · 16/05/2022 14:53

Borrow a small child. The man in the nearest post office uses to be quite brusque and frown a lot. I was waiting in the queue once with toddler DD and she would not stop going on about it at top volume! "Mummy, why is that man cross? Yes he is, mummy! He's got an angry face like a monster! Grrr!"

ohmylordylord · 16/05/2022 14:55

Deffo call her out on her shit! She should be embarrassed. Rude cow

Tryhard40 · 16/05/2022 14:55

Are you beautiful OP?

Or she thinks you're someone else or someone has told her something untrue about you? I think I'd be asking her straight out what her problem is. Get it off your chest!

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 16/05/2022 15:06

Next time you're approaching the checkout, start filming. Make it obvious. If she asks what you're doing, say you're in discussions with head office about her behaviour and are gathering evidence.

FabFitFifties · 16/05/2022 15:17

"Next time you're approaching the checkout, start filming. Make it obvious. If she asks what you're doing, say you're in discussions with head office about her behaviour and are gathering evidence." 🤣🤣🤣🤣

TheHatinaCat · 16/05/2022 15:18

Oh crikey, I have this with the lady in the village Post Office.

She doesn't whisper behind my back but her face drops when she sees me and she doesn't utter a please or thank you. Customers before and after me get polite and friendly service.

I have no idea what I've done!

Slutdrop · 16/05/2022 15:18

I'd definitely be asking her if she has a problem with me. You might be surprised at her answer, maybe it's a case of mistaken identity, but you'll never know unless you ask. Good luck!

arethereanyleftatall · 16/05/2022 15:22

Slutdrop · 16/05/2022 15:18

I'd definitely be asking her if she has a problem with me. You might be surprised at her answer, maybe it's a case of mistaken identity, but you'll never know unless you ask. Good luck!

Agree with this. Just ask her as politely as possible.

With the woman I now ignore, after she was rude for years, I would actually love her to ask, so that I can tell her! I can't think of the words to tell her without an intro.

CorpseReviver · 16/05/2022 15:27

anotherbrewplease · 16/05/2022 13:22

Um - I think we may live in the same village. Cos at our local co op there's a shop assistant in her 60s, who not only hates me, but also all of my kids (older now) and my DH. It's a hate fest.

On occasion, I have seen it's her serving and gone to another town to pick up whatever I needed.😅 Sad but true.

Why would you massively inconvenience yourself just to hide from someone who's rude to you?

GetOffTheTableMabel · 16/05/2022 15:38

I would try to do it back, which I know is childish but it’s what bullies deserve. I would take someone in with me and ostentatiously cover my mouth and do pathetic teenage whispering and giggling. If challenged, I would admit that I was pointing out which of the shop assistants was weirdly and needlessly rude to me. I have done this in the playground and at the occasional school event to keep some cliquey mothers on their toes and it worked just fine.

FlissyPaps · 16/05/2022 15:39

A case of mistaken identity, maybe?

This was my first thought too!

If you go back in, could you get a friend to ring you whilst your in the queu and answer with “Hello LimeDietCoke Speaking!” then she might realise you’re not her arch nemesis after all.

If not, I can only think of jealousy. You mention you’re in your 40’s and she’s in her 60’s. (I know age doesn’t matter to a lot of people) But she could be jealous of your looks, clothes, anything.

Whatever it is, it’s no excuse. Either save yourself from feeling down about this nasty woman and shop elsewhere or confidently stride up to her till and ask her what her obvious problem is.

KarenOLantern · 16/05/2022 15:40

HollowTalk · 16/05/2022 13:16

I can never understand why women are told to be extra nice to somebody who is treating them really badly. Why would anyone do that?

The idea is it makes them feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. IME it can work in some cases. It also makes their rudeness stand out starkly in comparison to your own behaviour, thereby showing bystanders how rude they are. There is also the added benefit that, if they weren't being intentionally rude (perhaps they were just shy, or having a bad day, or socially unaware) then you've given them an easy way out of their behaviour with no hard feelings (although it's pretty clear this isn't the case here).

KettrickenSmiled · 16/05/2022 15:42

Why would you massively inconvenience yourself just to hide from someone who's rude to you?

Apparently that question is Not Allowed @CorpseReviver - because encouraging women to assert their personal agency instead of meekly inconveniencing themselves might provoke a knee-jerk defensiveness be perceived as victim-blaming ...

KarenOLantern · 16/05/2022 15:45

Definitely confront her about it. Preferably in front of her colleagues and other customers.

Best case scenario, it clears the air and she stops being rude.

Worst case scenario, it gets even more awkward and you have to stop shopping there, although tbh it sounds like that wouldn't be so bad a thing.

Fullsomefrenchie · 16/05/2022 15:49

When you complained about her op what had happened, how often and what did you say in your complaint?

Gudbrand · 16/05/2022 15:52

If you go in and she's not there could you approach another staff member about it as you obviously get along with them. Just ask what the issue is.

Otherwise call her out on it.

I called out a shop assistant in a supermarket once who was really rude and called me stupid in front of the whole shop (it was to do with me misunderstanding a special offer - which was deliberately misleading in my opinion - and when I got to the till and found out the items were going to cost double what I thought, I asked her to remove them as I no longer wanted to purchase at that price). She really went off on one at me.
It would have taken seconds just to remove them from the bill and I had already said I'd put them back.
I said "It was a simple misunderstanding and the way you have spoken to me is completely unacceptable. I'd prefer it if you didn't speak to me like that again"
I had to leave without any of my shopping (which was just those two items and two other things) because she still refused to cancel them.

And chicken that I am, I didn't go back to that shop again for another 3 years until I heard she'd got a job somewhere else!

MissWired · 16/05/2022 15:52

Why do you care? She's an Odd, there's loads of them about. She's just trying to bully you, probably because she senses you care what people think about you....and frankly she's succeeding.

You're only going in there for groceries, right? Get groceries, plonk on counter, pay, say "ta" and nothing else. Pay and walk out. No eye contact, hello, goodbye, nothing. Stop giving her any headspace and you remove her power.

PipeScatter · 16/05/2022 16:00

If you're bordering on never returning anyway, I'd just ask her, preferably in front of other staff members if possible.

In a "Can I ask why you're always so blatantly rude to me when you're so nice to other customers? Have I done something to upset you?" (i.e. don't say "Sorry"!)

Rosscameasdoody · 16/05/2022 16:02

I would have to ask her straight out what her problem is with me - next time she’s rude try it. Tell her you’ve noticed it every time she’s served you and you’re also aware of her making remarks about you to other staff. Make it clear that you’ve no intention of inconveniencing yourself by taking your custom elsewhere and that if it doesn’t stop you will be making a formal complaint. Even if she had a problem with you, it’s very unprofessional to to take a personal issue into a work setting.

TonyBlack2 · 16/05/2022 16:04

Call her by the wrong name, and ask her about her life problems, loudly “Hi Kevin, how’s it going? Your eldest getting out soon? Piles getting better?

I looked at that website you suggested, but honestly, I just don’t feel that way about you.”