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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up about the woman in local shop being so rude to me?

202 replies

LimeDietCokeIsLife · 16/05/2022 12:56

There is a branch of a convenience store very near my house. Literally 30 seconds' walk away. I regularly go there because its so near.

One woman in there has, for whatever reason, taken a dislike to me and is very nice and lovely to others whilst I'm in there and then rude to me. I have absolutely no idea why she does not like me, nor do I care that she doesn't like me. However, I do not want to be treated rudely when I'm in there.

She never acknowledges me or says thank you to me, or ever even the cost, just holds the card machine out to me and rolls her eyes. If she is at a till and I arrive at the front of the queue she will just sometimes walk off. Sometimes there will be a second till open but other times there will not be and I'll have to either wait for her to come back and serve me (rudely!) or find someone else in the shop and tell them there's no one at a till! I have been in a few times and there have been three of them at the tills and one has served me, and nasty woman has then started whispering to the other staff member. Sometimes she hides her face behind something and I've heard the other staff member whisper 'What?' so she's obviously whispering shit to them. She is really lovely and chatty to other customers, so it's clearly me!

I did once phone the head office of said chain of convenience stores and they said it wouldn't happen again and would be dealt with. But clearly that did not work!

I could go elsewhere but I don't see why I should have to. The other staff in there are very polite and nice. And I'm always polite.

AIBU to be fed up of this?

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/05/2022 14:08

Of course she denied there was any problem and then continued to behave in the same unpleasant manner, so that didn’t work

In that case I'd suggest a useful follow-up is "Do you enjoy behaving like this?"

Anything else after that can be met with a sad, patient smile and an "Oh dear"

Mammy55 · 16/05/2022 14:08

I had this in a shop I go into regularly and I was getting really fed up of it. I only carried on spending money with them because they are the only place that stock the product where I live. I’d had enough one day and the shop was empty and I just said have I done something to offend you because I’m quite fed up of the rudeness every time I am I here? It never happened again

ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 16/05/2022 14:09

Do you live in my village?! The co op is just utterly shit! One of the women who works there is a massive bitch. One time my friend went in queued up to pay tor his things, go to the till to be told 'card machine isn't working' so he left the till to get cash out, had to queue up again and the woman said 'oh card machine on the till next to me works' Grin he was raging! Probably took him an hour to queue up and pay

Staffy1 · 16/05/2022 14:10

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/05/2022 14:08

Of course she denied there was any problem and then continued to behave in the same unpleasant manner, so that didn’t work

In that case I'd suggest a useful follow-up is "Do you enjoy behaving like this?"

Anything else after that can be met with a sad, patient smile and an "Oh dear"

Good idea. I wish I had complained to the Head, but don’t know if that would have helped. It didn’t for the OP, but maybe repeated complaining would.

SeedyBloomer · 16/05/2022 14:10

You obviously have a secret twin who has pissed her off! Seriously though - I’d have to ask her what the issue is! You can’t keep putting up with this!

Funkyslippers · 16/05/2022 14:11

OP, she obviously has something to say about you to be whispering about you. You have definitely p*sed her off in some way without realising. Maybe while you're driving? Maybe you cut her up/she cut you up and you gave her a suitable gesture? Whatever the reason though, she should be professional at all times. I'd definitely be calling her out on it

AchatAVendre · 16/05/2022 14:12

I'd have to find out, but I suspect that if you confront her aggressively or loudly, she will just block you out. So you might have to be fake-nice and pretend you like her and then just say, "do I know you from x?" or "are you friends with y?" and draw her into conversation.

My guess is that she's either confused you with someone else who has done something awful, or you have a feature that she is insanely jealous of (very beautiful, stunning hair, very slim and elegant, etc).

Aworldofmyown · 16/05/2022 14:13

I would ask her if she is muddling you up with someone else. As you don't know her and wonder what it is you've done to upset her so much.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 16/05/2022 14:18

Do you check your change when they plonk it in your hand? Some shop assistants seem to take this as a personal insult, when to me, if they don't count it out, it's my way of checking so I know to query any mistake right away instead of wondering/having no proof. I've worked in retail and made mistakes and i don't take it as a personal insult if people check, but some do. There's an assistant who treats me like shit because I queried an error once (change from a fiver rather than a tenner), about ten years ago. I just accept that she IBU and get out of there fast when the miserable cow serves me now.

TunaSalad · 16/05/2022 14:19

I agree that you should ask her what her problem is. I wouldn't be able to just let it go!

Pipsquiggle · 16/05/2022 14:21

OK I have worked in lots of shops.

Some customers are just very mardy looking (resting b!tch face types) and it's very hard to build up a rapport with them. Over time I used to ask how they were, talk about the weather etc and things became a lot less frosty. Do you come across as open or closed?

If you want things to improve, she is obviously not going to do it, you need to ask her some inconsequential questions like the above.

Or decide she's not worth it, as she sounds horrible.

brokengoalposts · 16/05/2022 14:23

I'd just ask, what's to lose?

Laiste · 16/05/2022 14:23

Up until a couple of years ago i would probably have avoided going in there or just put up with it.

Now? If she started with her nonsense i'd call it out loud and proud.

Do you know her name? Is there a name badge? If so use it.

Peer at it and say loudly ''Erm .... Ethel, is it? ... Why do you single me out for this rude behaviour all the time? I have absolutely no problem with you but this has been going on for months and i've had enough. Who is your manager, i'd like to get to the bottom of this now please''.

And then wait for the manager to arrive. Say, again loudly enough for others around to catch it, '' Hi, i'd like to have a chat with you about the ongoing rudeness from this cashier please. Can we go and talk?''.

No need to actually shout. Def don't swear. Stay calm and in your head imagine you're dealing with children. It helps me stay dignified and level headed during confrontation.

BellePeppa · 16/05/2022 14:27

Though not a shop I had a similar experience with a mum from school. She was smiley and friendly with other mums but whenever I walked past her I’d smile and say hello and she’d give me a dirty look and not say anything back. It was so weird, I didn’t even know her name and couldn’t think of a single reason why she so obviously didn’t like me. I was friends with one of the mums she would laugh and chatter with but my friend had no idea why (and didn’t ask her). I just decided the next time she pulled a face when I said hello I was done. She did it again so the next time I walked past her I just ignored her and have done so ever since even though it’s been years since our kids (who didn’t know each other) left. I guess it will forever be a mystery,

thisplaceisweird · 16/05/2022 14:27

Next time you go in make a point of asking her: "What's your name?" write it slowly on a piece of paper. "and what's your manager's name?" again write it down in front of her. Then 'ok thanks!'
I often do this when people are shitty, rarely follow up but I like scaring people out of being rude

BorderlineHappy · 16/05/2022 14:29

Next time she does it,go straight for a manager.
There's no point in going straight to Head Office,they usually don't care.
Get her name and tell them all the times she's been rude

But you need to say something.

balalake · 16/05/2022 14:30

Ask her if she treats men the way she treats you. Or people with disabilities, or people of colour. Or hint as such to the manager if you speak to her or him.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 16/05/2022 14:30

I would be really rude and cold towards her too.

Paddingtons · 16/05/2022 14:32

Is she being racist perhaps? (If you are Black or from a minority group, and she's white?)

OversBo · 16/05/2022 14:36

Aworldofmyown · 16/05/2022 14:13

I would ask her if she is muddling you up with someone else. As you don't know her and wonder what it is you've done to upset her so much.

This, and depending on how she responds you can ask to see the manager.

NewbieDivergent · 16/05/2022 14:40

Maybe you dated her son or daughter years ago and broke their heart and she still hasn't forgiven you 😄
But all joking aside,I hate hate hate confrontation but the need to know why she hated me would win out so I'd have to ask,must say her childish behaviour made me think she was decades younger until you said 60's!!!
She needs to grow up and act professionally in her job.

FabFitFifties · 16/05/2022 14:43

Is there anything "different" about you OP? Just trying to rationalise the play ground bullying behaviour. Dress, race, general appearance, accent, disability? I would complain to head office again and demand a proper response.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/05/2022 14:44

Projecting completely based on my own life...I think you've possibly done something in the past. (It is hard for us strangers to know though which of the two of you 'started it')
Mine is... me and my dds pass this woman and her two dss on a narrow path for years, still do. My girls are older than her sons. Every single time, every single time, we go on the road for her. No problem, I explained to my girls it's whoever is the least vulnerable. However, I get a thank you from her about once in ten, never anything from the sons. Infuriates me. Went on for years. Anyway, I generally smile at everyone, am friendly to everyone, I'm not to her now. She must wonder why.

butterpuffed · 16/05/2022 14:45

There has to be some background on her side or why else would she only treat you like this ? Probably she's mistaken you for someone else.

Why not wait until it's just the other two assistants there and say to one of them does the other woman mistakenly think she knows me as she seems to enjoy being rude to me and I've no idea why.

See what they say and then go from there.

badhappening · 16/05/2022 14:46

@Paddingtons
Nasty and cruel behaviour is not always racially motivated.

The fact is there are some seriously nasty people (both female and male) in this world no matter what race, colour or creed you are.