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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To frown on an untidy house

311 replies

allinadaystwerk · 15/05/2022 16:30

My house is not a haven of organised domestic bliss by any means, I have messy corners and cupboards and all that stuff. And some days are much better than others. But I visited someone I've known a while for the 1st time
and was shocked at the state of the house. It was not dirty or smelly. Washing up was done and toilet was clean. But there was clothes everywhere! And clutter and paperwork, letters leaflets and general stuff just not put away, shoes were left in the living room and piles upon piles of laundry. Everywhere I looked there was stuff and an untidy mess. Clearlyvot had been this way for some time. I felt quite sad but also kind of disgruntled. I wanted them to do better but had to have a word with myself and find my way to not being a judgy cow. Thing is, if im honest, a bit of me still feels a bit disgruntled and frustrated.. I'll most likely be asked to the home again as we get on very well and of course a messy home is no reason to ruin a friendship. Question is am I being unreasonable to feel like this? .

OP posts:
Rose789 · 15/05/2022 16:31

Yabu

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 15/05/2022 16:32

Yabvu. "Wanted them to do better"? If you don't like it, don't visit again.

DramaAlpaca · 15/05/2022 16:33

You wouldn't like my house then...

dodobookends · 15/05/2022 16:33

You'd fall over in a dead faint if you came here then.

MunchMunch · 15/05/2022 16:34

YABU.

Greensleeves · 15/05/2022 16:34

If you "frowned on" my house I would tell you to sling your hook. Who the hell do you think you are?!

Toottooot · 15/05/2022 16:35

Hopefully you have a visitor who comes to your house and judges you then posts online. 🙄

CuriousCatfish · 15/05/2022 16:35

She doesn't need a friend like you. You have already ruined the friendship.

PeterpiperpickedapeckofpickledPEPPAS · 15/05/2022 16:35

Yabu. This is your problem not your friend’s problem. Just organize to meet elsewhere. Park, bar, café, softplay, library -whatever works best for your friendship.

murasaki · 15/05/2022 16:36

Well aren't you nice. It is clean, according to you, what is the problem?

Knittedfairies · 15/05/2022 16:36

The only frowning you should do over an untidy house is when it's your own. Yes, you are unreasonable.

MadMadMadamMim · 15/05/2022 16:37

I think you sound intolerant, to be honest. You've said It was not dirty or smelly. Washing up was done and toilet was clean.

The fact that you'd actually checked that out makes it fairly clear you are judgemental of other people - who actually checks if someone has done the washing up? You are unreasonable, and I'd rather be friends with your 'friend' than you, to be honest.

I prefer an untidy house to a narrow mind.

Greensleeves · 15/05/2022 16:37

Has it crossed your mind that some people actually have better things to do than spend hours each days lovingly ironing knickers and polishing the shower tray?

Lampzade · 15/05/2022 16:38

I don’t like mess, but I found your post extremely patronising.
You need to do better…

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 16:39

I hope they don't invite you back tbh

AhNowTed · 15/05/2022 16:40

I have several friends who fall into this category.

Fact is they are fun and interesting and have frankly better things to do with their time.

PinkiOcelot · 15/05/2022 16:41

Wow. If only your poor friend knew!
YABVU. Read your post back!

MyBrilliantFriend · 15/05/2022 16:42

You seem to have taken this as a personal affront. And also seem to have weird standards / expectations of friendships. The state of someone’s house has nothing to do with the quality of their friendship.

Get over yourself.

JustCleaningtheBBQ · 15/05/2022 16:42

I find myself frowning upon the poor grammar in your post and realise I'm being a judgy cow! Probably best if I don't read any more of them.

NessieMcNessface · 15/05/2022 16:43

You’re not being unreasonable to feel like this. Your feelings are your feelings and can’t be denied. I think you’re being very honest in admitting how you’re feeling about it. However you would be unreasonable if you stopped being friends with this person because of their messy house. Perhaps they are overwhelmed by life a bit and are finding it hard to cope in which case they will appreciate your friendship. Or perhaps they just don’t care about tidiness and are happy living in chaos. Some people are able to cope in that situation and it genuinely doesn’t bother them. In that case you just have to accept the difference between the two of you and appreciate the positives aspects of your friend.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 15/05/2022 16:43

I couldn't care about someone living in chaos, they're home they're choice.

I keep on top my home it is boring and mundane but worth it for my mental health.

NeverHadANickname · 15/05/2022 16:43

YABU

HarlanPepper · 15/05/2022 16:43

What are we thinking, troll or journalist?

girlmom21 · 15/05/2022 16:43

A messy home is no reason to end a friendship hopefully your friend will realise that judgmental, nasty people are a perfectly good reason to end one

MakeThingsRight · 15/05/2022 16:44

I hope your new friend is reading and recognises your post.

See ya! No, seriously don't rush back. Ever. Please.

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